Thus I Wrote

I’m certainly glad to see you,
You look so graceful and elegant,
In your lilac, silk dress.
I see you have a golden aura,
I hear your voice is full of money,
Among the tea, cake and flowers..yes
And the white drapes they rose,
On the wind from the sea.
I was lost in their billowing,
And their seductive revelry.
You’re my light in the distance,
You’re my hope and you’re my goal.
You’re my light in the distance,
I feel you pull at my soul.

And the band began to play,
As they cleared the tables away,
For the glittering young things.
They laughed and they danced,
In their sparkling dresses,
And their sparkling diamond rings.
But we left in secret,
To a secret garden tree.
And under the twinkling lights,
I kissed you and you kissed me.
You’re my light in the distance,
You’re my hope and you’re my goal.
You’re my light in the distance,
I feel you pull at my soul.

My hope and my wonder,
Drove me all my life
On a ride wild and fast.
But I was swimming against a current,
That was bearing me ceaselessly,
Back into my past.
And one by one my lights went out,
I was broken up like glass.
Upon the hard, cold malice,
Of your cruel and careless class.
You’re my light in the distance,
But I was drowned in your entourage.
You’re my light in the distance,
But you were a shimmering mirage.

In the silence of other voices
We spoke to each other quietly
In the dark my body cries out
It longs for you nightly

We have fears and uncertainties
In our past we have regrets there
I desire to see you smile
My heart burns with simple care

We will leave our offerings behind
And our children will thank or rage
They will add their own offerings
To our connected internet age

Our failures are the salt of life
In between try and achieve
They shine and polish our gifts
To find our purpose and believe

I do not have elegance
Or sophisticated taste
I do not have subtlety
Or socially expected grace

I’m certainly glad to see you
In your silk lilac dress
Among the tea, cake and flowers
Oh, what does your look confess?

You are my light in the distance
My hope and my goal
The flesh of all my dreams
And I offer you my soul

And the cotton drapes blew
In the wind from the sea
I was lost in their billowing
And seduced by their revelry

I have a brave heart
And I am kind
I have hope and wonder
And my loyalty is blind

Later the band it played
For all the glittering young things
Who laughed, danced and waved
All their diamonds and rings

But we left in secret
To a secret garden tree
And under the twinkling lights
I kissed you and you kissed me

I was optimistic & full of hope
To achieve my dream at last
But I swam against the current,
Bearing me ceaselessly into the past

And one by one my lights went out
I was broken up like glass
Upon the hard malice
Of a cruel and careless class

We nurtured apple trees
In the late summer sun
She studied horticulture
My study was just done
She smoked brown cigarillos
I thought she was cool
She smiled enigmatically
I felt an uncertain fool

I fancied her but I hid
As I tried to be aloof
Clint Eastwood or Paul Newman
They were my guiding proof
I was very inexperienced
Very clumsy with emotions
I played in the shallows
Afraid of drowning in her ocean

We got together somehow
In that summer long and hot
I was leaving Ireland
Our time together was so short
To a play in the Abbey
We chose a film together later
We drank our first wine
We laughed & tipped the waiter

We kissed in the dark
On the grass in Trinity college
What’s next for us she whispered?
I do not know, I acknowledged
She asked…can you stay?
But I wouldn’t be deflected
Now I see a candle light
Brighter now than when rejected

I was so tentative
I was feeling my way
She seemed confident and sure
Whispering to me as we lay
Her tenderness surprised me
As did her young desire
With her warmth radiating
Through her jeans like a fire

The smoky passion of her kiss
Said maybe she wanted more
But I was so much younger then
And inexperienced to my core
We tearfully kissed goodbye
Along the quays I was blown
To catch the last bus home
I thought of her…alone.

“I’m not in love”, so the song said
As we danced through our time spent
In the dimly lit country hall
Where I asked you what it meant.
You smiled and you explained
Oh..you were so new on the scene
You had red hair and freckles
You were 15 to my, oh so mature, 17

We laughed a lot together
We had something I needed
In my heart I felt something new
But I’d not learned how to read it.
I ripped away all who wanted me then
In a dark field I was blind
For a physical and mature experience
I left your innocence behind

And I often wonder why
And I often regret
The voice calling in the darkness
“A nice bit of fluff” my dad said…
I was 21, I asked her to my party…
But like some movie oversight
She waited for me as I expected her
And so we passed like ships in the night.

A year earlier I was a fool
I asked someone honourable to break
I wanted her to leave another
She knew it would be a mistake…
Now she moves in my shadows
My ghost from my yesterday
Alive but dead to my touch
In a picture that will never decay

In Austria, future-past forgotten
Above to down below
Crisp air, mountain views
Blue sky, white snow.
They circle up and down
Under beating sun they flow
They snake up and down
Swish and crunch they go

In Egypt, sun-sand and youth
Green leaves, blue sky
Light breeze on open sea
No time to ask why.
I dive to fly below
Over the dappled sea floor
With the fish, the coloured fish
To dance together once more.

Later, Cairo backstreets,
Noisy, sweaty humanity,
Spice-smell and cloth-swish,
In touch-close proximity.
I was going nowhere…,
In a sea of carriages
I was on my own…,
Between two marriages.

She moves through my flowers
She swims in my sea
She rides on my waves
She floats on my breeze
She wakes in my dreams
She moves in my shadows
She smiles in my party
She paints in my Picasso

In Greece, I saw her
I saw her ride the waves,
I saw her tame the wind
I felt the leap my heart gave.
I was drawn to her
On that sea of blue-green
I surfed out to meet her
To make fate intervene.

I floated to her
Something called my name
I was drawn to her
Like a moth to a flame.
We dived in for beauty
Over the dappled sea bed
We came up for air
And found each other instead.

The music played sirtaki
The wine set us free
The long tables hummed
With social cacophony.
Fleetingly, beauty was ours
In our hands, in our grasp
But quickly flow the sands of time
Deaf to what we ask.

She moves through my candles
She dances in my fire
She stares in my darkness
She sings in my choir
She runs in my forest
She bleeds in my moon
She drinks in my stream
She loves in my room

The room had many lamps
And many more lit candles
The doors were all closed
I saw the winking handles

The chiffon drapes billowed
The were purest white I think
There was a darkness outside
You stared without a blink

Were there rose petals on the floor?
Did they perfume my naked feet?
My throat felt so dry
And my heart skipped a beat

My words fell lifeless
It was not a good start
You did not understand
My expresso heart

I smelt coffee beans roasting
And hyacinth in the air
I felt the breeze rise again
It moved a tendril of your hair

I felt heat reach out nearby
The crackle of logs on fire
You licked your lips slowly
As I felt compelled to enquire

“What are you saying
With your perfect ankle boots?
With your red lipstick
And your white linen suit?”

Pass me that old red wine
In our room of light and shade
Where we joined all night before
On our stained bed now unmade
I smell uneaten cheese
And see flesh oozing quietly
I worship on an unswept floor
As you open your legs slightly

The nippled mound of breast
On a belly curve alighting
Above unshaven hair curling
And lips, dark and inviting
I smell the musk of mother earth
Dappled under sun brightly
I feel the swell of blood again
As you open your legs slightly

I’ve stripped layers from you
To reach your unnourished soul
I’ve reached deep inside you
To join you and make you whole
I feel you cry and tense your legs
I glide on our sweat quietly
I explode inside you again
As you open your eyes slightly

Nothing else exists now, even death is spurned
My raging silent storm will scorch and burn
Heaven hath no rage like love to hatred turned
Nor Hell a Fury, like a Woman scorned.

The promises we made as we faced each other
I offered my beauty and my body to you
Our lives we joined as we faced each other
I offered to cherish and to love you

Ah. . . Look at me now, 14 years together
All that time gone, my beauty wasted on you
Ah. . . Look at me now, 14 years together
All that time gone, my love wasted on you

Oh the grief. . .my loneliness learned
Oh the grief. . .my stomach churned
Heaven has no Rage, like Love to Hatred turned
Nor Hell a Fury, like a Woman scorned.

Why?. . . did I not love you enough?
Why?. . . did I not cherish you enough?
Why?. . . did I not provide enough?
Why?. . . was I not exciting enough?

Ah. . . Look at me now, 14 years together
All that time gone, my beauty wasted on you
Ah. . . Look at me now, 14 years together
All that time gone, my love wasted on you

Oh the anguish. . . my life has turned
Oh the anguish. . . my future spurned
Heaven has no Rage, like Love to Hatred turned
Nor Hell a Fury, like a Woman scorned.

No justice for the death of love in this affair
For the death of confidence, no it’s all not fair
What God had joined now wrenched apart and left bare
With a world cold and silent without care

Oh. . . Look at me now, 14 years together
All that time gone, my beauty wasted on you
Oh. . . Look at me now, 14 years together
All that time gone, my love wasted on you

Act 1

It’s a stormy night
But the balcony is dry
I can hear the rain falling
I can see the clouds fly
I drink my whisky down
It warms my gut
Her red dress is wet
And her eyes are shut

We hear the music float
From the streets below
And she smiles and she sways
And she dances real slow
As I watch her move
I feel my blood rise
I wait till she’s ready
And she opens her eyes

Well…I must have been crazy
She had a troubled past
But she’s so beautiful
I forget it couldn’t last

“Dance with me Baby”
“This is our night”
And she holds out her arms
In the pale moonlight

Act 2

She finds me again
She’d gone missing for a while
She has a bottle of whisky
And her “kiss-me” smile
I feel the whisky burn
All the way down
I can see the dawn is breaking
Over this forgotten town

She takes off her red dress
I can see her new tattoos
And I was nearly falling
And losing myself anew

I said “I loved you once
But its all over now…”
“Oh”, She said “Please hold me
Because I need you now…”

Act 3

The sweat runs its journey
Slowly down my back
As I sit in a bar
Way off the beaten track
The music hangs in the air
The sea crashes nearby
He said “Have another whisky…
Now tell me…why?”

“Well…her vulnerable beauty
Was her siren song
And it pulled me in
From the ship I was on
We went in fast on a ride
That was wild and strong
And she forgot her demons
But it was not for long

And it felt like love
’Til things began to break
I thought I was enough
But that was my mistake

She hid her strong will
Deep in her vulnerability
I was broken on the rocks
Hidden in her stormy sea…”

Act 4

I finished my song
To a little applause
It was long past midnight
And it felt a lost cause
I packed my Martin guitar
With its Baggs pickup
She gave them to me
Long after our breakup

She took one of my names
But she spelt it wrong
She only ever wanted
To sing her song
And she sacrificed all
With talent and brand
Until the world chose her
With an invisible hand

Well…she’s famous now
But I’m hurt by the calculation
Of all the steps she buried
Under her infatuation

I’m lonely sometimes
With my choice to be free
My fire ain’t as hot
But it belongs to me