Thus I Wrote

Sleep, it would not come
In our yesterday’s room
I rocked myself ’till numb
To dispel my growing gloom
I thought, we are older now
But her beauty it still lingers
This relationship is slipping
Slipping through my fingers

Has she moved on
Past the point of no return?
I feel discarded and lonely
Frozen, as her memory burns
Phantom suitors hurt me
With the flowers they bring her
This relationship is slipping
Slipping through my fingers

She’s riding a pale horse
Of resentment and emotion
She’s deaf to my words
Impervious to my devotion
I wish I could hear her sigh again
As I make her nerve ends tingle
This relationship is slipping
Slipping through my fingers

I let our problems be
I was hoping for the second act
But she would not forgive me
And her love began to crack
Her heart it hardened
From the love she said I didn’t bring her
This relationship is slipping
Slipping through my fingers

Well, I depend
On you, my friend
Many times, we’ve stayed up drinking
Many times, we’ve shared our thoughts
But do you really know me
Do you know the thoughts I’ve got

Do you know I have a love
For everyone I know
I have a lust for life
To live and not let go
But sometimes I feel alone
Something rises up inside
It eats at my heart
And it darkens my mind

A dark demon
Stalks my dreams
(A dark demon
Stalks my dreams)
I need a love
To save me
From this dark demon…

Come, now take my hand
Together let’s make a stand
I’ll be your port
In the storm
When it’s cold
I’ll keep you warm
I hope we find peace
And love lights up our lives
And shines forever
Our saviour inside

(From…)This dark demon
Stalking our dreams
(This dark demon
Stalking our dreams)
We need a love
To save us
From this dark demon…

This is based on an earlier poem I wrote of the same name but more recently inspired by the song “I See a Darkness” by Will Oldham. The Johnny Cash cover version especially. I like the metaphor of the dark demon and of love casting out the demons as Christ did in the bible. He used love to banish fear. I have no particular allegiance to religion but the stories form a powerful backdrop to our culture and resonate with me. I see them as useful and powerful metaphors.

I don’t need no desert
To know I’m in the wilderness
I don’t need no burning bush
Telling me to pray or confess
I don’t need no lamb of God
Talking of redemption and sin
I’ve been knocking on that door
I just need someone to let me in

I don’t need no politician
To take me by the hand
Or to part the economy
With some magical command
I don’t need no rich man advising me
From the wave he’s floating in
I’ve been knocking on that door
I just need someone to let me in

I don’t need no market
To tell me what I’m worth
Or to hear about competition
And how if I work hard I’ll come first
I know now, I need help and the right wave
Before I can finally win
So I’ll keep knocking on that door
I just need someone to let me in

I’ve heard enough about the failures
That put me on my knees
I’ve examined every one of them
And I’m improving by degrees
It’s been a lesson in humility
But I’ll take it on the chin
I’ll keep knocking on that door
I just need someone to let me in

My glass is half full
As I learn the lessons they teach
I see lights of opportunites
But they remain out of reach
They say that in every fall
There’s a seed of a rise therein
So I’ll keep knocking on that door
Till someone lets me in.

I remember her
Standing with hands on hips
In that stone floored kitchen
With her tongue stuck out
In defiance and impotent fury
Behind my grandmother’s back

She was but twenty three, a young bride
With two children already
And another on the way
With two elderly parents to tend to
With an old farmhouse to clean
With hens, pigs, cattle and geese to feed
With produce to collect and harvest

She had no indoor toilet
Or carpets
Or central heating
Or running water
Or electric light
Or friends
Or family nearby.

When the storms came
My father tied the thatched roof down.
He brought turf for the open fire
And sold milk to buy clothes, tea and sugar

My mother cried when the pig was killed
Every year to feed us for the year.
She despaired of the dirt
And the wayward animals
And her wayward children
And her needy parents-in-law

She was a blow-in
And they were scornful
Of her lack of land and of her education.
He was too good for her.

They could not see the love
She brought in bucket-loads
And armfuls,
And how she lit up that cold house.

But then as she always said
An empty vessel makes most sound.

She was Christian indeed
and not just on Sunday
She has a well of strength
And her laugh is infectious
And addictive.
She attracted people to her
And over time won them all over.

Save my grandmother
Who had a secret hurt
That she never shared
But which stifled her love
For her one and only son.

My mother spent her life
Trying to repair that wound,
And at the end of his life
It seemed she finally succeeded.

He loved her and was loved
By her and knew it to be so.
With such love there is no fear
And he died, as much as we can know,
in peace.

Do you want to fix this?
Or is it too late?
Is your heart too wounded
Behind your locked gate?
Can we talk about things
Can we play in tune?
Will you do unto me
What you would have me do unto you?

Let’s clean out the stable
Please forgive me my sins
All the hurt I have caused
Has locked your love in
I am truly sorry
And my remorse it is true
Will you do unto me
What you would have me do unto you?

When I know you forgive me
And love me, I’ll be free
I am still a prisoner
Frustrated and angry
I know I have other things
That I must work on too
Will you do unto me
What you would have me do unto you?

I promise to love you
And not shut you out
I promise to be patient
Hard for me, no doubt
I will listen and talk to you
And have fun with you too
Will you do unto me
What you would have me do unto you?

I promise to create peace
And light up your day
I will look at you with love
While I listen to what you say
I promise to forgive you
When you make a mistake or two
Will you do unto me
What you would have me do unto you?

Sleep it would not come
As I moved her things round the room
I rocked myself until numb
To dispel my gathering gloom
I thought, we are older now
But her beauty it still lingers
This relationship is slipping
Slipping through my fingers

I’m floating & drifting away
Disappearing out of sight
I need a challenge to grab me
I need a cause to fight
To get some self respect
Make my soul soar like a singer
To stop my life slipping
Slipping through my fingers

It feels like she has moved on
Passed the point of no return
I’m discarded and lonely
Frozen, as her memory burns
Phantom suitors call her
And hurt me with the love they bring her
This relationship is slipping
Slipping through my fingers

She is riding the pale horse
Of her accumulated emotion
It’s out of my control
Impervious to devotion
I wish I could hear her sigh
Again as her nerve ends tingle
This relationship is slipping
Slipping through my fingers

We have had problems for some time
She’s been a disappearing act
She could not forgive me
And her love began to crack
Isolation has hurt me
It put me through the ringer
This relationship is slipping
Slipping through my fingers

I’m lost and it’s painful
A promethean task
I’ll focus on the basics
Give her the space she asks
I’ll try to be patient
Even though my hurt’s a stinger
This relationship is slipping
Slipping through my fingers