Thus I Wrote

I don’t have peace now
Because I miss you
Or I miss the thought of you
The warmth of you

I don’t have peace now
Because something’s missing
I dream of kissing…
And of other things

I pull down the stars
To put them in your eyes
I dream of your smile
As I watch the sun rise
I dream of your voice
When I hear bird song
But, still, among the flowers
I feel something’s wrong

I don’t have peace now
Because I don’t have you
And I may never have you
As I may never know you
Are you a shimmering mirage?
Made of my hopeful schemes?
And all my yesterdays?
And all my dreams?

But just the thought of you
Just the chance of you
Just the glimpse of you
Fills me with desire
And I’m glad to be so alive again
Filled with desire

I did not always manage
To stop the damage
That my impatience had spread
My fears rushed on
I know it was wrong
And our love ruptured and bled

Like a finely tuned machine
I was good for a scene
But then something broke inside
I did not manage my fears
Oh, they cost me dear
But I’ve learned a lot on the ride

I’m glad I was kind to you
That I was steadfast and true
Cos this will stand the test of time
And it’s never too late
To grow and change our fate
To change some parts of our mind

They say that she was from the East
She was warm and cool
Pale skin and green eyes
That looked straight through you

She had a room in Carnaby street
She loved it there
But she couldn’t afford it
Without working extra there

She took me in
The light was a hazy red
From the shawl draped
Over the lamp beside the bed
Incense smoke was floating
Above the nervousness in the room
She smiled and opened up
The wine I’d brought home
She poured and let it flow
Over the past where we didn’t roam

We looked at the cracks in the ceiling
As she blew black cigarette smoke
Her perfumed belly moved
When she laughed at my joke
In the red twilight we were the same
Looking for something
Looking for someone
To hold onto

Later, I heard she’d left
Everything was gone, She’d moved on
Maybe, she found something
Maybe, she found someone
To hold onto

Hey B, I hear you
But I ain’t no mushroom
You’re so hot on the stage
And so cold in the bedroom

You say you’re not happy
You say it’s my fault
Well that’s your wound
And that’s your salt

I worked with Becky
We had some platonic fun
But you made the bullet
And you pointed the gun

And what’s with the hive?
All them sisters now onside
Saying you’re now a victim
You know that’s not right

I love you baby
I want to see you happy
I never want to hurt you
But you gotta believe me

I love you baby
But you gotta move on
If we can’t stop hurting
Then we’ll soon be gone

We were out on the street
Talking’ together about the war
And the background is the night
And the background is so far
You were dressed in black
I could only see your face
You were born across the tracks
But your mind’s in another place

Later you try show me the reason
For all those deaths bloody and red
You call to me through the haze
But I just get lost instead
You were fading, I could barely see you
Can I reach you to make you immune?
Now your face was so dark
You stood in front of the moon

I shared a vision of an army
A marching desert storm in black
Their target an imperfect light
Because it had too many cracks
A wizard told a fairytale
They would be rewarded in heaven soon
The wizard’s face was so dark
He stood in front of the moon

I held your hand and said don’t go
There’s always room in the dark
Let’s stay in this crowded light
Where we can grow and make our mark
I know there are cracks and noise
But here we all sing our own tune
And I’ll still see your face
As we share the light of the moon

I remember my house by the beach
We looked at the waves for hours
And the moon appeared among the stars
We listened to the music that became ours
Your father and mother were gone
And you were now on your own
I guess my noisy family and I
Made you feel less alone

You introduced me to Italy
To Venice, Florence and Rome
You were well travelled
I’d spent most of my time at home
I hated the Italian drivers
The Pont de Vecchio looked third world to me
I turned my back on Florence
But I awoke to the beauty of Tuscany

I liked how you arranged your hair
I liked the feeling of your home
I felt comfortable there, it felt real
It was a warm, curved, feminine poem
I liked to watch you laugh and move
I liked your creative, independent mind
I was attracted by your beauty
But you won my heart when you were kind

She was the one for me
I went after her blind
I was out of control
I was out of my mind
She was everything to me
She gave me everything to lose
Her body was full of beauty
Her mind was full of shoes

I wrote my poetry for her
I sent her flowers and wine
I offered her bright jewellery
I wanted to make her mine
I worshipped long before her
I examined her body for clues
Her face had a sultry beauty
Her mind was full of shoes

I offered my life to her
I offered her my soul
Without her I was broken
I wanted her to make me whole
Now when I think of her
I see a picture of many blues
I remember her summer beauty
And her mind full of shoes

I wander through the cobwebs
That have gathered in my mind
I awake the visceral feelings
That I thought I’d left behind
Oh, she was once my love
Oh, she was once my muse
I was drugged by her beauty
And her mind full of shoes

I found myself one morning, I was looking at the lines on my face
I wondered how I got there, how did I come to this place
I tried to keep my options open, over what next I would do
I never really knew myself, so how could I ever really know you?

In London I saw you dancing, And then we talked over drinks for a while
You laughed and said it’s not the time, it’s the wear and it’s the miles
I smiled as I tried to read you, I tried to predict what next you would do
But that was before I learned, I could never really know you.

You said after a party, “You fall in love with every pretty thing”
“You just love making women laugh, all the dancing and the flirting”
“Maybe you are shallow, Maybe you just blow with the wind”
“Or maybe I just can’t read you, so I fear that you have sinned”

We listened to Jimi Hendrix, his version of Dylan’s Watchtower
I wondered why it resonated, and what gave it that beauty and power
I asked you what you thought, but it seemed like it went over your head
You said that you preferred, some spiritual Indian music instead.

We drank too much and talked about stuff,  about love’s great mystery
Oh why do we fall in and out of love, why do we search ceaselessly?
I asked “Is it just a transaction, A simple exchange of value”
You said “That’s way too crude, That’s a very unromantic view”.

In the evening light on the pavement, I sat with my glass of red wine
I heard many conversations, that I wished were part of mine
I’m in a boat on the ocean, I guess that’s how I stay afloat
But the ocean calls me seductively, “dive in, its time to leave the boat”.

Most of the time, I feel alright
Most of the time, I keep myself in the light
I don’t think about tomorrow, I enjoy today
I don’t think about yesterday, and how it all passed away
I face my fears, I don’t let them do me wrong
I think I’ve turned the corner, I’ve forgotten her now she’s gone
Most of the time

Most of the time, I say the right thing
Most of the time, I can keep secrets in
I don’t drink too much, I don’t get too loud
I’m kind, I smile and I’m fun to be around
I accept there are no answers, even after all I’ve read
I forget how she left and all the hurtful things she said
Most of the time

Most of the time, I’m loyal and true
Most of the time, I’m open to something new
I’m sensitive to promises, that mustn’t be broken
I don’t keep quiet, when I should’ve spoken
No, I’m a clear light, in the turbulent storm
And when it was cold, I kept her warm
Most of the time

Most of the time
I’m moving too fast
To remember all the victories
That I thought would last
Most of the time
I’ve forgotten her
I’ve learned how to survive
I’ve learned how to endure

Most of the time, I don’t try to hide
Most of the time, I can handle my feelings inside
I don’t cheat on myself, with shallow distractions
I’m not a prisoner of options, on the path to my actions
I don’t compromise, I don’t pretend
I don’t care if I never see her again
Most of the time

 

This poem is inspired by Most of The Time by the great Bob Dylan from the Album Oh Mercy. It is also used in a scene from the film High Fidelity with John Cusack, Iben Hjejle et al.

What have you learned?, what have you learned?
What have you learned?, what have you learned?

Whoa now lady this is just our first date
Let’s introduce ourselves, now can you please wait?
You know my name and you know I have some baggage
I don’t carry it in a bag, I use this nice carriage

What have you learned?, what have you learned?
What have you learned?, what have you learned?

Yes, I’ve been married a few times before
That’s twice (if you insist on keeping the score)
And yes I have kids and yes they’re all grown up
And yes I tell Dad jokes, though they try make me stop

What have you learned?, what have you learned?
What have you learned?, what have you learned?

Well, I’m getting to it now, shall we order a drink?
I need time to catch my breath and have a think
I came on this date with such anticipation
But now this feels like a Police interrogation!

What have you learned?, what have you learned?
What have you learned?, what have you learned?

(Well I’ve learned that you do like your wine
And you do like your food as well as some of mine
But let me keep those things to myself
My black eye won’t look too good, on the shelf)

What have you learned?, what have you learned?
What have you learned?, what have you learned?

In Life I must have, something to give
And having something to share, is my way to live
In Love we’re all different, one size doesn’t fit all
And each couple will make, their own different call

What have you learned?, what have you learned?
What have you learned?, what have you learned?

My love should be first, before friends, work or sport
I should always be loyal, and provide fun and support
I shouldn’t draw lines, where my love can but lose
And I know my demons and fears are mine to defuse

What have you learned?, what have you learned?
What have you learned?, what have you learned?

Now coffee is over and what about you?
Tell me about you and what do you want to do?
I’ve answered all your questions all down the line
Now shall we move onto a few of mine?

What have you learned?, what have you learned?
What have you learned?, what have you learned?

Oh shame, our time is over and now what’s next?
I’m not great at sharing on Facebook or text
Oh… you just … want to wait and see
Well… I guess …that’s just fine with me

What have you learned?, what have you learned?
What have you learned?, what have you learned?