Thus I Wrote

It breaks my heart
To see you in so much pain
You have so much to give
You have so much to gain

You are free, they say
To choose your life’s purpose true
But they forget to say
Your purpose is built by you

I would embrace you
Let your beating heart be still
I would stroke your hair
I would let you have your fill
I would rock you softly
I would kiss you gently
Until you felt my love’s shade
Until you felt your anxiety fade

You are special to me
I am with you everyday
You are never alone
Please believe what I say

We are swimmers
Out on an ocean swell
Sometimes up in heaven
Sometimes down in hell
But your time will come
Just believe in yourself
The world will give to you
When you have given to yourself

My thoughts and
My love are with you
I just wish there was more
That I could do for you
But I know deep within
You will find the love anew
That you must give
To somebody wonderful…you.

x

We want to feel we matter
To connect and serve with feeling
As we run up that hill
Looking for a meaning

How do we know we exist?
How do we know we’re alive?
How many people do we need to tell us
Before we accept we have arrived?

We’re together in this room
But only some can see the elephant
In the truth of everyday experience
We compete to be relevant

There are 14 Billion years before us
And we get 80 years or so
We stutter briefly on the stage
We flicker briefly and then we go

Wise men have worked to show us
We are leaves in the forest green
On our own we have little significance
In the playing of life’s great scene

We’re together in this room
But only some can see the elephant
In the truth of everyday experience
We compete to be relevant

Some ignorance may be a virtue
That many find unexpected
The truth is in life’s experience
And not in its meaning dissected

In the end our focus shifts
To those we love and what we’re giving
And while we’ve something to share
There’s still a relevance to our living

We’re together in this room
But only some can see the elephant
In the truth of everyday experience
While we share, we are relevant

Inspired by the Birdman film

Hey little darling
What’s that you say
Your mother’s a fish?
And she just swam away?

I looked for you
Through the veil of my tears
But I couldn’t see you
Through the smoke of my fears

As I lay dying
I thought of you,
Of all the things I wanted
And all that I didn’t do

But it’s not all about you
To be human is to share
Can you open your mind?
And see what is fair

We have desires and secrets
That we forgot we had
We tried to bury them
But they still smelled bad

As I lay dying
I thought of you,
Of all the things I wanted
And all that I didn’t do

We have desires and secrets
That buried us alive
That killed the intimacy
Our love needs to survive

In my life I have drifted
Between the earth and the sky
My life’s quest a balance
Between the us and the I

As I lay dying
I thought of you,
Of all the things I wanted
And all that I didn’t do

Inspired by As i Lay Dying by William Faulkner

I hear the rain fall
I see the cloudy moon
Will I ever love again?

I see you call
Across a crowded room
Will i ever love again?

But who am I?
And what can I give?
Will I ever love again?

Who will hear my cry
“I need your love to live”?
Will I ever love again?

Will I ever love again,
Oh no, not I
Will I ever love again?
Oh no, not I
I’m on my own
From the seeds I’ve sown
Will I ever love again?

I see a dark ocean swell
Below a raging nimbus sky
Will I ever love again?

Will I ever love again,
Oh no, not I
Will I ever love again?
Oh no, not I
I’m on my own
From the seeds I’ve sown
Will I ever love again?

I’m a ghost
Have I died?
I’m a ghost
Floating on the outside

I’m in neutral
I’m just coasting my way
I’m in neutral
I’ve been hurt..ok?

My darling, I have tried
To give you love
But it all went to hell
Between the rock below and the hard place above
Not enough love
Not enough understanding
Not enough forgiveness
And too much demanding

I’m a ghost
Have I died?
I’m a ghost
Floating on the outside

My darling I’ll try
To give you love
Because I’m your Dad
When push comes to shove…
You need enough love
You need enough understanding
Enough forgiveness
And less demanding

I’m crossing
To the other side
I’m in a new gear
To begin a new ride

I was hungry
I was hungry for your love
I was hungry
I was hungry for your love

I saw your face
I saw your lips
I saw the line of your body
And the sway of your hips

I moved up and down
On the edge of sin
I held my breath
And then I pushed on in

I held you
I held you in my arms
I held you
I held you in my arms

I saw you laugh
I felt your belly move
The smell of you
Was a sweet perfume

I moved up and down
On the edge of sin
I held my breath
And then I pushed on in

Well, you’re my friend…
And can you see…
But do you…do you know me
Do you know the thoughts I’ve got.
Do you know I have a love
For everyone I know
And I have a lust for life
I want to to live and not let go
But there are times I feel alone
And something rises up inside
It eats at my heart
And it darkens my mind

And then a dark demon
Stalks my dreams
And then a dark demon
Stalks my dreams
I need a love
To save me
From this dark demon…

Well come, now take my hand
And together let’s make a stand
I’ll be your port
In the storm
And when it’s cold
You’ll keep you warm
I hope we find peace
And love lights up our lives
And shines forever
Our saviour inside

From this dark demon
That stalks our dreams
From this dark demon
That stalks our dreams
We need a love
To save us
From this dark demon…

This is based on an earlier poem I wrote of the same name but more recently inspired by the song “I See a Darkness” by Will Oldham…the Johnny Cash cover version especially. I like the metaphor of the dark demon and of love casting out the demons as Christ did in the bible. He used love to banish fear. I have no particular allegiance to religion but the stories form a powerful backdrop to our culture and resonate with me. I see them as useful and powerful metaphors.

The sun shines down
On the road you choose
As you bounce along
In your high heeled shoes

Would you value my compliment?
On your look and your style?
Would you feel a thrill?
As you return my smile?

You make me feel alive
You make me feel something good
I can feel my heart beating
I feel it pumping blood

You live in the moment
So sure of your needs
You wield your beauty
As you surf with ease

What can I offer you?
Do I have what you desire?
Can I make you happy?
For longer than a while?

You make me feel alive
You make me feel something good
I can feel my heart beating
I feel it pumping blood

I see ghosts of late
From the scenes I’ve played
The haunting of familiar faces
In familiar places

I see ghosts of late
In the well of my emotional state
The pricking of past emotion
The memories of past devotion

I see ghosts of late
From the loving relationships I’ve made
From mother and father
From sons and daughters
From wives and lovers
From sisters and brothers
And from the friends who stayed
I see ghosts of late

I see ghosts of late
Whispering of changes, they portray
The waves that rise and fall
The victories big and small
The turning of the earth
The renewal of life and death
And all that shaped my fate
I see ghosts of late

I see ghosts of late
Part of the man I’ve made
They don’t go they wait
They’re with me till that silent gate….

 

I boarded the plane early
In the Stockholm snow
I flew the blue sky
To our London home
I wanted to tell you
About the contract I’d finally signed
I thought we’d turned a corner
I thought we’d left our money worries behind

I came to our door
And I knew something was wrong
The door it wouldn’t open
Because you’d left the chain still on
Our kids were downstairs
They were watching TV
You said you’d never planned
This way to tell me

We must pick our moment
When the writing’s on the wall
We must pick our moment
While it’s still ours to call
The party will go on
But we’ll leave it at the bend
Because everything must change
And everything must end

The sea was a deep blue
On Sardinia’s sandy shore
And in a green leafy shade
We ordered and we ate some more
We held hands and laughed
As they joked again
Oh…We were confident
We were beautiful then

We must pick our moment
When the writing’s on the wall
We must pick our moment
While it’s still ours to call
The party will go on
But we’ll leave it at the bend
Because everything must change
And everything must end