Thus I Wrote

Fears grow in the dark
Buried and out of sight
But they will shrivel
When brought into the light

Fears are part of us
To make us more effective
If we let them drain us
They’ll make us more defective

Fears may be demons
To possess our minds
But love will cast them out
To leave clarity behind

I cannot cross the big divide
That stretches between our souls
I can’t get your attention
With all the distractions and different roles
This is my life, and I feel disconnected
No one is affected
By the statues I’ve erected
I’m getting frustrated & angry enough to swear

It’s not about love and it’s not about sex
(But I won’t say no if they come along)
I leave this island and sail on the sea
To give something good that lets me belong
I work hard to create something of value
But everything I do
I find there’s a queue
I’m getting frustrated & angry enough to swear

I’m singing on stage and I’m working hard
The song is one they can sing along
I get to the chorus and hope for release
But we don’t connect and it goes all wrong
They sound out of sync and sound out of tune
My words are strewn
And howled at the moon
I’m getting frustrated & angry enough to swear

The sands are falling and it gets less easy
The world it demands something new
The pressure is mounting and I feel queasy
I’m listening but I don’t know what to do
From the everyday experience that the world views
It will sift & choose
Who will win &  lose
I’m getting frustrated & angry enough to swear

I hear the rain fall
I see the cloudy moon
Will I ever love again?

I see you call
Across a crowded room
Will i ever love again?

But who am I?
And what can I give?
Will I ever love again?

Who will hear my cry
“I need your love to live”?
Will I ever love again?

Will I ever love again,
Oh no, not I
Will I ever love again?
Oh no, not I
I’m on my own
From the seeds I’ve sown
Will I ever love again?

I see a dark ocean swell
Below a raging nimbus sky
Will I ever love again?

Will I ever love again,
Oh no, not I
Will I ever love again?
Oh no, not I
I’m on my own
From the seeds I’ve sown
Will I ever love again?

The lines are all drawn
And positions taken
It’s arguments at dawn
And we are forsaken
I think about giving and taking
And how she takes too much
But I’ve got a treacherous feeling
That I ain’t loved her enough

Will our differences exchange
For the complement we seek?
I know love requires change
And turning the other cheek
Will she do some kneeling?
And her share of the rough?
But I’ve got a treacherous feeling
That I ain’t loved her enough

Why do we seek control?
Is it a security thing?
We could destroy the whole
Of what we’re trying to win
A lost battle has me reeling
Did I shoot the wrong stuff?
But I’ve got a treacherous feeling
That I ain’t loved her enough

So give of your love
And it shall be given to you
It’s more blessed to give
Than to receive it too
Such a love sounds healing
And ours a childish bluff
I’ve got a treacherous feeling
That I ain’t loved her enough

Picture: Bella by Lucien Freud

I raised my voice, when I should have not
I looked at you, while thinking wrong thoughts
I drank too much, and disguised by mirth
Said careless words, and you, got hurt

After we argue, I often shut you out
I waited to calm down, I wouldn’t trust my mouth
I made a silence & I wouldn’t let it go
I made you lonely, and I wish, it wasn’t so.

I spend too much time, living inside my head
It makes me negative, and aloof, you said
I need more heart, and I need more fun
I feed the elephant, when I, should make it run

My emotions they are dark, too dark to read
They swirl, they rise up, when it’s calmness I need
They lash out when things don’t go my way
My wise counsel, is drowned, inside my head.

I’ve seen a love, as warm as the sun
It touched the heart and the soul of everyone
A graceful self that was clear to its shine
An inspiration, I keep always, in my mind

I know I’m blind so I can’t see
That I’m a prisoner so I’m not free
I know a change now must surely come
That if I conquer, myself, I will be done

You are my boundary
You are my quest
You are my reason
To be my best
I compete with you
And cooperate too
But I know I’m nothing…
Nothing without you

You are the air
That I breathe in
You are the water
Caressing my skin
I know that loving you
Is all I find true
But I know I’m nothing…
Nothing without you

You are the fire
That keeps me warm
You are the earth
My protection from harm
I know your leaving me
Will be so hard to do
I know I am nothing…
Nothing without you

I loved your beauty
I loved your smile
I loved your heart
I loved your style
But you have a well
That needs filling up
I guess my heart
Just wasn’t big enough

I loved your humour
I loved your spirit
I loved your cooking
And the love you put in it
But you have a well
That needs filling up
I guess my heart
Just wasn’t big enough

I loved the events
That you loved to put on
I loved your good nature
And courage you call on
But you have a well
That needs filling up
I guess my heart
Just wasn’t big enough

I think about giving and taking
And that which I have forsaken
In the past I gave in hope
To fertilise a union needing growth
Today I find I’m in deficit
With my happiness a forfeit
I gave too much without a deal
And for too long did I kneel
Too much hope and too little vision
So now I have less after division
Maybe it would’ve been more brave to say no
Maybe it would’ve been better earlier to go
Maybe I should’ve never given a ring
But they say that hindsight’s a wonderful thing

I stayed and hoped for better days
Finding now the bitter parting ways
But I did raise a child fully grown
And I gave her family a loving home
Now all is lost under blame in time
And lonely scapegoat sorrow is mine
For long I could glimpse this fate
And I worked hard to avoid this date
But like gravity I fell from grace
Into this dark and loveless place
So now I process it all in rhyme
To help me heal and love in time

Two lovers sit on a concrete floor
She is distraught
He is concerned
Love is in the air
Will they make it?
…My coffee grows cold

A husband and wife waltz slowly
With one hand she takes the money
With the other she slaps his face
Tells him “not good enough”
Too much head
Not enough heart
…My coffee grows cold

His emotions churn from white to black
From love to hate
From compassion to anger
He has been rejected
He feels dejected
…My coffee grows cold

68% of divorces filed by women
Its the norm
In this day and age
Too busy to pay enough attention
Ignoring all the bumps on the road
Death by a thousand small cuts
…My coffee grows cold

I see ghosts
The haunting of familiar faces
In familiar places
The pricking of past emotion
Of daughters and son
Of past lovers and losses
Of victories and failures
Of sister and brothers
Of father and mother
As I approach
The focus gets sharper
The love is sifted
And turned over
…My coffee grows cold

Let’s hold hands
As we walk on the soft sand
Where the palm tree grows
Where the summer breeze blows
Where the salty sea flows
Where the cool moon glows
There my heart skips a beat
And hope rises in the heat

My hope is a start
I know trusting is tough
I’m playing a part
And taking chances is enough
I know I’ve got the heart
For another big love

Lets walk & share a joke
We won’t fix what ain’t broke
We’ve got less to come
And we’ve got much more already done
Is it really an illusion
A mad wonderful confusion
We’ve been here before
But we’re back for more

My hope is a start
And there’s no time to bluff
I’m playing a part
And my trust is enough
I’ve got the heart
For another big love

There’s a truth in your beauty
The form of your life’s duty
I see your patience and care
How you give and take your share
I see your love and grace
Shine in time and space

My hope is a start
I know trusting is tough
I’m playing a part
And taking chances is enough
I know I’ve got the heart
For another big love