Thus I Wrote

I’m a ghost
Have I died?
I’m a ghost
Floating on the outside

I’m in neutral
I’m just coasting my way
I’m in neutral
I’ve been hurt..ok?

My darling, I have tried
To give you love
But it all went to hell
Between the rock below and the hard place above
Not enough love
Not enough understanding
Not enough forgiveness
And too much demanding

I’m a ghost
Have I died?
I’m a ghost
Floating on the outside

My darling I’ll try
To give you love
Because I’m your Dad
When push comes to shove…
You need enough love
You need enough understanding
Enough forgiveness
And less demanding

I’m crossing
To the other side
I’m in a new gear
To begin a new ride

I was hungry
I was hungry for your love
I was hungry
I was hungry for your love

I saw your face
I saw your lips
I saw the line of your body
And the sway of your hips

I moved up and down
On the edge of sin
I held my breath
And then I pushed on in

I held you
I held you in my arms
I held you
I held you in my arms

I saw you laugh
I felt your belly move
The smell of you
Was a sweet perfume

I moved up and down
On the edge of sin
I held my breath
And then I pushed on in

Well, you’re my friend…
And can you see…
But do you…do you know me
Do you know the thoughts I’ve got.
Do you know I have a love
For everyone I know
And I have a lust for life
I want to to live and not let go
But there are times I feel alone
And something rises up inside
It eats at my heart
And it darkens my mind

And then a dark demon
Stalks my dreams
And then a dark demon
Stalks my dreams
I need a love
To save me
From this dark demon…

Well come, now take my hand
And together let’s make a stand
I’ll be your port
In the storm
And when it’s cold
You’ll keep you warm
I hope we find peace
And love lights up our lives
And shines forever
Our saviour inside

From this dark demon
That stalks our dreams
From this dark demon
That stalks our dreams
We need a love
To save us
From this dark demon…

This is based on an earlier poem I wrote of the same name but more recently inspired by the song “I See a Darkness” by Will Oldham…the Johnny Cash cover version especially. I like the metaphor of the dark demon and of love casting out the demons as Christ did in the bible. He used love to banish fear. I have no particular allegiance to religion but the stories form a powerful backdrop to our culture and resonate with me. I see them as useful and powerful metaphors.

The sun shines down
On the road you choose
As you bounce along
In your high heeled shoes

Would you value my compliment?
On your look and your style?
Would you feel a thrill?
As you return my smile?

You make me feel alive
You make me feel something good
I can feel my heart beating
I feel it pumping blood

You live in the moment
So sure of your needs
You wield your beauty
As you surf with ease

What can I offer you?
Do I have what you desire?
Can I make you happy?
For longer than a while?

You make me feel alive
You make me feel something good
I can feel my heart beating
I feel it pumping blood

I see ghosts of late
From the scenes I’ve played
The haunting of familiar faces
In familiar places

I see ghosts of late
In the well of my emotional state
The pricking of past emotion
The memories of past devotion

I see ghosts of late
From the loving relationships I’ve made
From mother and father
From sons and daughters
From wives and lovers
From sisters and brothers
And from the friends who stayed
I see ghosts of late

I see ghosts of late
Whispering of changes, they portray
The waves that rise and fall
The victories big and small
The turning of the earth
The renewal of life and death
And all that shaped my fate
I see ghosts of late

I see ghosts of late
Part of the man I’ve made
They don’t go they wait
They’re with me till that silent gate….

 

You move over shimmering waters,
You see your face in the deep
You create and you hope
That you’ll find what you seek

And you dig deep in the earth,
Its all sticky, wet and black.
Ah..you’re soaked by the rain,
But you don’t turn back.

You see your love measured out,
Into fine, crystal glasses.
And handed out anxiously,
To the next person who passes.

You see the sun rise
You see it fall to the earth again
You see the leaves grow and die
In a forest that still remains

Oh..dream is all you seem to do
You hope for tomorrow
Because today just won’t do
Oh..dream is all you seem to do
You search for beauty
And a love that is true.

You see a baby born,
All crying and bloody red.
You see his mother sleeping
Her hair matted in her bed.

And you hear a trumpet call,
At dawn on a lonely hill.
And you see a lion tear
Into its captured kill.

Oh..dream is all you seem to do
You hope for tomorrow
Because today just won’t do
Oh..dream is all you seem to do
You search for beauty
And a love that is true

I boarded the plane early
In the Stockholm snow
I flew the blue sky
To our London home
I wanted to tell you
About the contract I’d finally signed
I thought we’d turned a corner
I thought we’d left our money worries behind

I came to our door
And I knew something was wrong
The door it wouldn’t open
Because you’d left the chain still on
Our kids were downstairs
They were watching TV
You said you’d never planned
This way to tell me

We must pick our moment
When the writing’s on the wall
We must pick our moment
While it’s still ours to call
The party will go on
But we’ll leave it at the bend
Because everything must change
And everything must end

The sea was a deep blue
On Sardinia’s sandy shore
And in a green leafy shade
We ordered and we ate some more
We held hands and laughed
As they joked again
Oh…We were confident
We were beautiful then

We must pick our moment
When the writing’s on the wall
We must pick our moment
While it’s still ours to call
The party will go on
But we’ll leave it at the bend
Because everything must change
And everything must end

I thought of you today
Of what you do and say
Of what I sow and reap
Of how your words cut deep
But I will hide the signs
Below the waterline

I think my truth is real
By what I see and feel
But your trust in me
Needed consistency
So love was drowned over time
Below the waterline

I remember my priest tell
Of heaven and of hell
Of learning to go without
Of not letting the animal out
Of the fine chains that bind
Below the waterline

I want to appeal
To seal a new deal
To find a hand to hold
To let a new love unfold
To give more of what’s mine
Below the waterline

I caught a butterfly
In the summer sun
The trust was high
That no hurt be done
But now there’s no butterfly
In the winter sun
The trust has died
And the damage done

The wheels of life
Do grind and turn
Fuelled by fires
That heat and burn
But things get crushed
And things get lost
And fragile beauty pushed
To pay the cost

Once we heard the dawn sing in tune
We swam the sun-drenched sea in June
Chased laughing children in the park
And caressed by candlelight in the dark

Our pasts pulled
Our fractures wide
Our hearts hardened
Over the hurt inside
But now we’re adrift
A dark ocean swell
And loved features shift
Into a distance shell

Once we heard the dawn sing in tune
We swam the sun-drenched sea in June
Chased laughing children in the park
And caressed by candlelight in the dark

Her red ruby lips
Her hair a lustrous brown
The way she moved her hips
Messed my head around
I forgot all the rules
When I swam in her swimming pool

On a night of stars
We looked in our eyes
We kissed and saw far
Beyond common lies
We were hot & the night was cool
When I swam in her swimming pool

I wanted more
She did not resist
She began to moan
And strain and twist
Her body tingled to my rule
When I swam in her swimming pool

Our quest was treasure
We duelled without swords
We valued without measure
We spoke without words
The look in her face was the fuel
When I swam in her swimming pool

It rained & it poured
I was washed anew
We played sacred chords
Heard only by a few.
It was mother nature’s school
When I swam in her swimming pool

In the aftermath sure
Her body moonlight shone
Her face majestic pure
And peace had silently come
A loving tenderness ensued
When I swam in her swimming pool

Her red ruby lips
Her hair a lustrous brown
The way she moved her hips
Messed my head around
I forgot all the rules
When I swam in her swimming pool