Thus I Wrote

Shared my life with you
But that’s all over now
Lately, we didn’t love much
And now we’ve forgotten how

We met way back when
We were almost young
And we so wanted love
That together we clung

We were driven by desires
We didn’t fully understand
We were tripped by feelings
We never could command

Was love just the drug
That made us forget?
All of the differences
That we came to regret?

We weren’t always right
But we were right for each other
And now we’re not wrong
But we’re wrong for each other

Your words explode in my head
And I freeze with pain…
My stomach’s in a knot
And I’m back here again

Like a knife on a taut rope
Back and forth until I fall
Into the lonely darkness
Surrounded by a dark wall

Such warmth and such joy
You offer on a good day
But on a dark day a knife
That makes me hurt & pay
That makes me lose myself
And my demons to recover
Who take my voice
Who launch and takeover..

Your every word an arrow
Shot true and sharp
Cut through my defence
And straight into my heart

I was slow and feeble
Against your rapier thrusts
Before I knew where I was
I was hooked on unjust
I had responded
In a battle I did not choose
And it was a battle
That I would always lose

You force a crisis
You ignore my pleas
You parry my defence
You thrust and seize
Your satisfaction prize
You see my wound bleed
You see me hurt silent
“Oh Stay… let me feed…”
You think “Its your fault
By all that you do,
I forget my pain
By inflicting it on you”.

And so I withdraw
To let my wounds heal
To analyse and to write
To process what I feel

Grey limestone celtic cross
Grey cold autumn day
Leafless trees sway
And crows fly away

Is this my only monument?
As this cold silence bleeds
Above where the worms breed?
Where the earth waits to feed?

Is there no love?
A transaction of give and take
No forgiveness for our sins
And so our hearts just break

Is this the autumn?
A foreboding of winter ahead
The life and colours of Summer
All now blown and fled.

Did you break it?
And did you betray?
Or actually did I, then?
I was just in your way?

When we signed
What did we actually agree?
How would I love you?
And how would you love me?

If I don’t make you happy
Are you free to go?
Free to find your happiness
And step on me as you go?

We had a written contract
And a commitment called marriage
But when love went out the window
The wheels came off that carriage

Was the real contract written
In blood, in our hearts?
And when the blood, it cooled
You decided we should part

I was hurt and I was angry
And fearful of course
But of our faults together
I believe we share the source

I want now to heal
So I will let go
Of all anger and blame
And this takes time I know…

She has no filter
She thinks something,
And then she just says it.
I consider the options
The plus and minus then,
The moment is lost with it.

There’s a time to filter
And then there is,
A time to let the world know.
Trust is built on
Knowing how to predict,
Where the other will go.

If I calculate
Or I prevaricate,
I create distance and fear.
Sometimes it’s better
To say what you feel,
To allow your loved ones near.

I must clear my mind
Of the clutter and distance,
And the blockage in our way.
I’ve a deep well of love
But they must know it,
In small ways every day.

Let us go then you and I
With the sun low in the sky
Let us hold hands and walk
And fall into a gentle talk
Let us cross the river
Let us kiss and each deliver
Our happy moments together

Let us forget the unspoken
Words and promises broken
Let us forget our yesterday
Full of debts we should pay
I know we have a tension
Of things not to mention
In our happy moments together

I have a burning desire
To take it to the wire
To shout and converse
To disturb the universe
To answer the overwhelming question
And so release my tension
Before our happy moments together

When we dance I forget
All the things that I regret
I feel myself changing
Something inside rearranging
And my old life dying
I am free and flying
In our happy moments together

Can I conquer myself so
I may be free to go
And love you dearly
And see you clearly
To live each moments past
As if they were our last
Happy moments together

I live on Dean Street
And I pay rent every week
I work in a local bar
Too noisy even to speak

I have a child of two
From a man long gone
Then love made me forget
That I was just a pawn

I walk in the park
With my child of two
The birds fly by
And the sun shines through

Couples walk on
With their children in tow
And the fun that they have
Is something that I don’t know

I dance alone now..
The curtains are shut
The lights are low
I am Beautiful
Look at Me now..
I am Extraordinary
I am Shining
I am Powerful
I am Flying
Look at Me now..
I am Transforming
I am Flying
Look at Me now..

Let’s go to sleep
I was appealing
Oh, please tell me
What you’re feeling

(It was the aftermath
In the moonlight
And my eyes were heavy
After our loving night)

Are you happy
With how we are?
Yes, of course darling
Together we’ve come far

Tell me your dreams
What do you believe?
What do you want?
And hope to receive

Uh…What…?
It’s late & this is deep
Let’s just agree…
To cuddle and to sleep

But I’m afraid…
And it’s lonely if I hide
I need your love
To fill the emptiness inside

Uh…Did I dream?
Did you want some tea?
I’ve been working so hard
And I’m so sleepy…you see?

I drifted off to sleep
So I couldn’t see her
As she turned over quietly
And wiped away her tear

“Meaningless, Meaningless…All is Meaningless”.

Generations come, and generations go
We ask why, but we do not know
What has been, will again be done
For there is nothing, new under the sun

Like chasing the wind, how hard we run
But still there’s nothing, gained under the sun
The rich and the poor, the foolish and the wise
Live but their day, and then each dies

The earth it turns, and the seasons bring
A time for everyone, and a time for everything
To the wise a pattern, awaits to be found
Beneath the changing waves, and the changing ground

A live dog is better, than a regal dead lion
Enjoy life and grow talents, that you can rely on
For while there’s life, there’s hope in your heart
Once dead you’ll never, ever again play a part

Do not be diverted, do not be deceived
Do not be indifferent, to the gift you’ve received
Do not be afraid & waste, your day to burn bright
But burn all the brighter, because you know the night

Generations come & go, but the earth remains
The sun also rises, & falls to rise again

“Love, Love…All is Love.”

I left you sleeping
In the Chelsea Hotel
“A change is gonna come”
I heard the wind tell

I sailed a dark ocean
On a rising swell
To finish my quest
Before the wind fell

I fought for treasure
To win love & respect
But it damaged my heart
More than you expect

The wind it changed
And I was cast aside
We lost each other
As our love died

Generations come and go
But the earth still remains
The sun also rises
And falls to rise again

I remember the cracks
You felt out of control
You felt lonely and hurt
And you blamed my role

So did I not love you?
Enough to stop your fear grow?
Did I let the emptiness
Creep into your soul?

Or was there a seed sown
In your lonely childhood?
That so choked your heart
And so froze your blood?

But by what strange alchemy
Can we so change our state?
From such bright love
To such anger and hate?

So as we drew our lines
And we fought to stalemate
Our union became a patient
That we dissected on a plate

But still, it felt a shock
Like a punch to the heart
I thought we could mend
But you said we must part