Thus I Wrote

“I’m not in love”, so the song said
As we danced through our time spent
In the dimly lit country hall
Where I asked you what it meant.
You smiled and you explained
Oh..you were so new on the scene
You had red hair and freckles
You were 15 to my, oh so mature, 17

We laughed a lot together
We had something I needed
In my heart I felt something new
But I’d not learned how to read it.
I ripped away all who wanted me then
In a dark field I was blind
For a physical and mature experience
I left your innocence behind

And I often wonder why
And I often regret
The voice calling in the darkness
“A nice bit of fluff” my dad said…
I was 21, I asked her to my party…
But like some movie oversight
She waited for me as I expected her
And so we passed like ships in the night.

A year earlier I was a fool
I asked someone honourable to break
I wanted her to leave another
She knew it would be a mistake…
Now she moves in my shadows
My ghost from my yesterday
Alive but dead to my touch
In a picture that will never decay

In Austria, future-past forgotten
Above to down below
Crisp air, mountain views
Blue sky, white snow.
They circle up and down
Under beating sun they flow
They snake up and down
Swish and crunch they go

In Egypt, sun-sand and youth
Green leaves, blue sky
Light breeze on open sea
No time to ask why.
I dive to fly below
Over the dappled sea floor
With the fish, the coloured fish
To dance together once more.

Later, Cairo backstreets,
Noisy, sweaty humanity,
Spice-smell and cloth-swish,
In touch-close proximity.
I was going nowhere…,
In a sea of carriages
I was on my own…,
Between two marriages.

She moves through my flowers
She swims in my sea
She rides on my waves
She floats on my breeze
She wakes in my dreams
She moves in my shadows
She smiles in my party
She paints in my Picasso

In Greece, I saw her
I saw her ride the waves,
I saw her tame the wind
I felt the leap my heart gave.
I was drawn to her
On that sea of blue-green
I surfed out to meet her
To make fate intervene.

I floated to her
Something called my name
I was drawn to her
Like a moth to a flame.
We dived in for beauty
Over the dappled sea bed
We came up for air
And found each other instead.

The music played sirtaki
The wine set us free
The long tables hummed
With social cacophony.
Fleetingly, beauty was ours
In our hands, in our grasp
But quickly flow the sands of time
Deaf to what we ask.

She moves through my candles
She dances in my fire
She stares in my darkness
She sings in my choir
She runs in my forest
She bleeds in my moon
She drinks in my stream
She loves in my room

The room had many lamps
And many more lit candles
The doors were all closed
I saw the winking handles

The chiffon drapes billowed
The were purest white I think
There was a darkness outside
You stared without a blink

Were there rose petals on the floor?
Did they perfume my naked feet?
My throat felt so dry
And my heart skipped a beat

My words fell lifeless
It was not a good start
You did not understand
My expresso heart

I smelt coffee beans roasting
And hyacinth in the air
I felt the breeze rise again
It moved a tendril of your hair

I felt heat reach out nearby
The crackle of logs on fire
You licked your lips slowly
As I felt compelled to enquire

“What are you saying
With your perfect ankle boots?
With your red lipstick
And your white linen suit?”

Pass me that old red wine
In our room of light and shade
Where we joined all night before
On our stained bed now unmade
I smell uneaten cheese
And see flesh oozing quietly
I worship on an unswept floor
As you open your legs slightly

The nippled mound of breast
On a belly curve alighting
Above unshaven hair curling
And lips, dark and inviting
I smell the musk of mother earth
Dappled under sun brightly
I feel the swell of blood again
As you open your legs slightly

I’ve stripped layers from you
To reach your unnourished soul
I’ve reached deep inside you
To join you and make you whole
I feel you cry and tense your legs
I glide on our sweat quietly
I explode inside you again
As you open your eyes slightly

Nothing else exists now, even death is spurned
My raging silent storm will scorch and burn
Heaven hath no rage like love to hatred turned
Nor Hell a Fury, like a Woman scorned.

The promises we made as we faced each other
I offered my beauty and my body to you
Our lives we joined as we faced each other
I offered to cherish and to love you

Ah. . . Look at me now, 14 years together
All that time gone, my beauty wasted on you
Ah. . . Look at me now, 14 years together
All that time gone, my love wasted on you

Oh the grief. . .my loneliness learned
Oh the grief. . .my stomach churned
Heaven has no Rage, like Love to Hatred turned
Nor Hell a Fury, like a Woman scorned.

Why?. . . did I not love you enough?
Why?. . . did I not cherish you enough?
Why?. . . did I not provide enough?
Why?. . . was I not exciting enough?

Ah. . . Look at me now, 14 years together
All that time gone, my beauty wasted on you
Ah. . . Look at me now, 14 years together
All that time gone, my love wasted on you

Oh the anguish. . . my life has turned
Oh the anguish. . . my future spurned
Heaven has no Rage, like Love to Hatred turned
Nor Hell a Fury, like a Woman scorned.

No justice for the death of love in this affair
For the death of confidence, no it’s all not fair
What God had joined now wrenched apart and left bare
With a world cold and silent without care

Oh. . . Look at me now, 14 years together
All that time gone, my beauty wasted on you
Oh. . . Look at me now, 14 years together
All that time gone, my love wasted on you

And now it seems strange
But yesterday you were mine
And tomorrow you’ll be gone
But I know you’ll be fine

Its not the end of my book
Just the end of a page
I gave to the world
And this is my wage
I’ll turn it over
And to the top I’ll go
I’ll read on without you
But I’ll read on slow

I fell from the top
Of your shiny glass wall
I held on too tight
‘Til it wasn’t me at all

Its not the end of my book
Just the end of a page
I gave to the world
And this is my wage
I’ll turn it over
And to the top I’ll go
I’ll read on without you
But I’ll read on slow

I eat bread with olives
And drink wine now and then
As the sun sinks on the terrace
I remember you back when

Its not the end of my book
Just the end of a page
I gave to the world
And this is my wage
I’ll turn it over
And to the top I’ll go
I’ll read on without you
But I’ll read on slow

I’ve seen the power and  I’ve seen the glory
I was seated at the feast,
I celebrated many ceremonies
I was dark and aloof as a priest.
Somehow I  felt seduced
And that I was asked to betray,
And I felt too excluded
To make an instinctive play.

I was often defeated
But never did I lose,
I felt I had too few options
But I was brave enough to choose.
I sailed the stormy ocean
Till I landed here on this shore,
But I had heard the siren’s song
For a long time before.

I drank into the night
To lose myself for a while,
And sometimes I found a dark portrait
With a face-torn smile.
And I have given my love willingly,
It was not from manacles torn.
But since  then I’ve seen my love die
And I’ve seen something else born.

I was often defeated
But never did I lose,
I felt I had too few options
But I was brave enough to choose.
And all that I want now
Is of no consequence,
For I am but stardust
For this world to dispense.

Oh, if you invited me
I could not refuse
I would dive right in
Like I’d nothing to lose

Lead me not into temptation
Because I’m wrong for you
Because I can’t do now
What would be best for you

But oh, to steal a kiss
Just once or twice tonight
As we walk and we talk
In the winter moonlight

Last night was a dream
But now I’m awake
In my head there’s a memory
And in my gut a dull ache

I have fears
They are vampires
In the dark of my mind
But they shrivel
In the light
That is what I find

Can you call?
My vampires out?
With promises of love today?
If you ignore me
They will just grow
Despite what I say

So hold my hand
And let me in
To be a part of you
Listen to me
Please accept me
And all of my faults too

Oh Love
You are the balm
You’re the saviour of my soul
You bathe me
You soothe me
And you make me whole

I pull my ball of lead
It’s connected with a chain
And I’m walking up that hill
In the cold grey rain

I’m looking for love
In my stomach there’s a pain
I’m driven by a need
That serves another’s gain

I’m scared to look at her
Because I’ve seen her class
I feel her measuring me
As I walk on past

She makes her decision
And she takes me by the hand
“I have what you need
If you heed my command”

She takes me to her room
And she throws away the key
But as the seasons pass
The hurt grows in her memory

At dawn I dream
As the dark bleeds from the night
I’m beyond accusations
As I give myself to the light

Look at me now…
I’m shimmering
I’m glowing
Look at me now…
I’m transfiguring
I’m growing
Look at me now …
I’m flying
I’m knowing
Look at me now…