Thus I Wrote

In that stone floored kitchen
I remember the friction
She stood with hand on hips
Her tongue through pursed lips
Behind my grandmother’s back
In impotent fury at her lack
Of kindnesss or empathy
Of understanding or sympathy

She was but twenty three,
A young bride recently free
With two children born
With another being formed
With difficult in-laws in-between
An old farmhouse to clean
And animals to harness
And produce to harvest
She had no indoor toilet
Or central heating or carpets
Or running water or electric light
Or friends or family nearby.

She was scared when the storms came round
And my father tied the thatched roof down
When the pig was killed she cried tears
As it was used to feed us for the year.
She cooked on the open turf fire
And milked the cows when tired
While my father sold milk to the creamery
To buy clothes, sugar and tea

A blow-in, it was said of her
And they were scornful of her
Of her lack of land and education
How she was now above her station
They could not see that the love
She brought in bucket-loads was enough
How she lit up that cold house
Meant she was more than a worthy spouse.

She was a Christian in deed
All the week it was soon agreed
She was a well of strength
With an addictive laugh freely spent
She attracted people to her
And over time won them all over.

Save my grandmother alone
Who had a hurt never shown
But which stifled her love
And her only son had never enough
My mother’s married life was tuned
To repairing that wound,
And at the end of his life of need
It seemed she finally did succeed.
He loved her so and learned
That he was loved by her in return
With such love his fear did cease
And he died, as much as we know, in peace.

When I consider my few notes
In the great symphony of life
I wonder why they float
Blind to death and strife?
All my thresholds crossed
Will they be in vain?
Will all my memories be lost,
Like tears in the rain?

When fortune smiled on me
I was chosen to give
My talent to society
And make it a better place to live
Those memories stand out most
When I was in the fast lane
Will all those memories be lost,
Like tears in the rain?

In love I’ve had chances
And I’ve had losses as well
The heaven of romances
And heartache driven hell
My first kiss is nothing to boast
But oh.. to do it again
Will all my memories be lost,
Like tears in the rain?

In the quieter times
I could find no part to play
I worked hard to find
A new way to rejoin the fray
It was time to pay the cost
Of great memories with some pain
But will all those memories be lost,
Like tears in the rain?

There is no clear rhyme
Or reason for life
Is “revel in your time”
The best life advice?
Will I count the cost,
Of not giving everything in my reign?
But will all my memories be lost,
Like tears in the rain?

I thought that we lived by God’s law,
Then Nietzsche said He was dead.
“We’ve been alone since the Big Bang”,
Stephen Hawking said.

Without a guiding supernatural law,
Man worked out how to survive.
He created his own morals and laws,
To control instinctual drives.

Indeed man may have invented God,
To enforce change and social control.
Societies use Him when He’s useful
But leave Him when He has no role

Man created a way to live,
Using virtue for co-operation.
Being good brings society acceptance,
Being bad brings isolation.

But good and bad are not universal,
They’re determined by what’s effective.
For the growth and the survival,
Of the individual and the collective.

Man is a calculating animal,
Judging punishment and reward.
He learns what’s effective,
For success in his own regard

Society hides the calculation,
It sounds too selfish and raw.
But balance is achieved in the collective,
Reciprocity is good for us all

So the collective knowledge of man,
Created by years of sacrifice and pain.
Is the true light of the world,
To ensure darkness never reigns.

One day we’ll be too old to give

So..Let’s give to each other and get more pleasure as we live

One day we’ll be too old to listen and talk

So..Let’s cherish one another and grow through the knocks

One day we’ll be too old to forgive

So..Let’s forgive now and give ourselves more time to really live

One day we’ll be too old to laugh and have fun

So..Let’s wring the fun out of our days and laugh until we have none

One day we’ll be too old to hold hands

So..Let’s enjoy the gentle touch of our skin before the last falling of the sands

One day we’ll be too old to kiss

So..Let’s enjoy the affection we exchange before it is missed

One day we’ll be too old to have sex

So..Let’s enjoy the physical communion as if we have nothing left to expect

I sat down last night to talk to my wife
To find out the pieces that make up her life
She had a long list and she began with the first
She showed me all, in her deep well of hurt

My family’s the rock and my wife’s the hard place
They never got on, they’re not in the same place
“You never stood up”, “Or gave me support”
They’re a foundation curse, in her deep well of hurt

My career is all gone and my hair it is gray
Will this damn recession, ever go away?
I can’t find the work, to put money in the purse.
Its another major item, in her deep well of hurt

I say the wrong thing & I look the wrong way
I do get impatient when she ignores what I say
I can get frustrated or angry which is worse
Years of memories, in her deep well of hurt

Is her well too deep? my fear I can’t mask
I feel on my own, with this promethean task
The walls are so treacherous, they’re the slippery sort
Progress is painful, in her deep well of hurt

I’ve got many flaws and that I accept
But there’s two of us in this, and she’s not perfect
But I do still love her, and will do till I’m dirt
But our marriage is drowning, in her deep well of hurt.

When I am in the light….
I hear the lark sing –
I see the dawn break –
I look in your eyes –
I forget the end –
I live –
In every breath….

But when I’m in darkness….
I run in circles –
Computing intellectually.
But nothing works –
Nothing turns the light on –
Or opens the door.
I am not wanted or needed –
Alone…
In the noise of the world.

Then I’m the prodigal son.
I’m lost and I wish to be found.
To reconnect and to serve –
To be needed and loved
To live again…
In every breath….