Thus I Wrote

Little Cancer
I’ve got my eye on you
You’ve got big ideas
What’re you gonna do?

Little Cancer
You killed 12 today
All that hurt & pain now
What’re you trying to say?

You can’t live all on your own
You will die before you are grown

Little Cancer,
You’ve taken drugs since birth
And to feed your habit
You must scorch the earth

Little Cancer
We cannot fear you
You’re black with hate now
Can we ever reach you?

You can’t live all on your own
You will die before you are grown

Little Cancer
We will unite to defend
Our right to speak and
Our right to grow & blend

Little Cancer
You may have killed a part
But we hold hands together
To feed the light in our hearts

You can’t live all on your own
You will die before you are grown

I hear the rain fall
I see the cloudy moon
Will I ever love again?

I see you call
Across a crowded room
Will i ever love again?

But who am I?
And what can I give?
Will I ever love again?

Who will hear my cry
“I need your love to live”?
Will I ever love again?

Will I ever love again,
Oh no, not I
Will I ever love again?
Oh no, not I
I’m on my own
From the seeds I’ve sown
Will I ever love again?

I see a dark ocean swell
Below a raging nimbus sky
Will I ever love again?

Will I ever love again,
Oh no, not I
Will I ever love again?
Oh no, not I
I’m on my own
From the seeds I’ve sown
Will I ever love again?

Well, you’re my friend…
And can you see…
But do you…do you know me
Do you know the thoughts I’ve got.
Do you know I have a love
For everyone I know
And I have a lust for life
I want to to live and not let go
But there are times I feel alone
And something rises up inside
It eats at my heart
And it darkens my mind

And then a dark demon
Stalks my dreams
And then a dark demon
Stalks my dreams
I need a love
To save me
From this dark demon…

Well come, now take my hand
And together let’s make a stand
I’ll be your port
In the storm
And when it’s cold
You’ll keep you warm
I hope we find peace
And love lights up our lives
And shines forever
Our saviour inside

From this dark demon
That stalks our dreams
From this dark demon
That stalks our dreams
We need a love
To save us
From this dark demon…

This is based on an earlier poem I wrote of the same name but more recently inspired by the song “I See a Darkness” by Will Oldham…the Johnny Cash cover version especially. I like the metaphor of the dark demon and of love casting out the demons as Christ did in the bible. He used love to banish fear. I have no particular allegiance to religion but the stories form a powerful backdrop to our culture and resonate with me. I see them as useful and powerful metaphors.

The sun shines down
On the road you choose
As you bounce along
In your high heeled shoes

Would you value my compliment?
On your look and your style?
Would you feel a thrill?
As you return my smile?

You make me feel alive
You make me feel something good
I can feel my heart beating
I feel it pumping blood

You live in the moment
So sure of your needs
You wield your beauty
As you surf with ease

What can I offer you?
Do I have what you desire?
Can I make you happy?
For longer than a while?

You make me feel alive
You make me feel something good
I can feel my heart beating
I feel it pumping blood

I saw my father
In the mirror today
And I said yesterday
What he might say
I wear a black hat
To hide my grey hair
As I run too fast
From a life not fair

It is what it is
But what does it mean?
I’m an ignorant part
Of a greater machine
I can see the end coming
I’ll try not to stare
As I run too fast
From a life not fair

I held someone’s hand
And I made someone smile
I forgot where I was going
At least for a while
It’s good to feel needed
To have someone who cares
As I run too fast
From a life not fair

We’re in this together
So I’m not unique
It’s not a favour
Or an advantage I seek
I know we’re all alone
If we have nothing to share
As we run too fast
From a life not fair

But we are so blessed
To be here alive
Somehow chosen
From that great formless void
Free to choose our purpose
Without fear if we dare
As we run too fast
From a life not fair

I held someone’s hand
And I made someone smile
I forgot where I was going
At least for a while
It’s good to feel needed
To have someone who cares
As I run too fast
From a life not fair

I see ghosts of late
From the scenes I’ve played
The haunting of familiar faces
In familiar places

I see ghosts of late
In the well of my emotional state
The pricking of past emotion
The memories of past devotion

I see ghosts of late
From the loving relationships I’ve made
From mother and father
From sons and daughters
From wives and lovers
From sisters and brothers
And from the friends who stayed
I see ghosts of late

I see ghosts of late
Whispering of changes, they portray
The waves that rise and fall
The victories big and small
The turning of the earth
The renewal of life and death
And all that shaped my fate
I see ghosts of late

I see ghosts of late
Part of the man I’ve made
They don’t go they wait
They’re with me till that silent gate….

 

I told a joke
And it was misunderstood
I didn’t play the social games
Like many others could
I thought of the future
And I weighed it all in my head
But I left much undone
And I left much unsaid

I pushed the world
And the world it punched back
It cycled and it swirled
And it went from white to black
I bow to the collective
To the secular unseen hand
To the arbiter of who’s effective
Of who falls and who stands

I drew an eight
When I needed a Jack
But I’ll play the hand I’m dealt
Cos there’s no use looking back

I asked why
But no answer came
So I studied wise men
But the answer was still the same
I’m a leaf in the forest green
I’m a drop in the ocean blue
But I miss the love I’ve seen
And I miss the God I knew

How did we find
Ourselves on different sides?
What started as a join
Became a chasm wide
I wish that I could hold you
Like when our love was new
But our demands they were too many
And our gifts they were too few

I drew an eight
When I needed a Jack
But I’ll play the hand I’m dealt
Cos there’s no use looking back

You move over shimmering waters,
You see your face in the deep
You create and you hope
That you’ll find what you seek

And you dig deep in the earth,
Its all sticky, wet and black.
Ah..you’re soaked by the rain,
But you don’t turn back.

You see your love measured out,
Into fine, crystal glasses.
And handed out anxiously,
To the next person who passes.

You see the sun rise
You see it fall to the earth again
You see the leaves grow and die
In a forest that still remains

Oh..dream is all you seem to do
You hope for tomorrow
Because today just won’t do
Oh..dream is all you seem to do
You search for beauty
And a love that is true.

You see a baby born,
All crying and bloody red.
You see his mother sleeping
Her hair matted in her bed.

And you hear a trumpet call,
At dawn on a lonely hill.
And you see a lion tear
Into its captured kill.

Oh..dream is all you seem to do
You hope for tomorrow
Because today just won’t do
Oh..dream is all you seem to do
You search for beauty
And a love that is true

I boarded the plane early
In the Stockholm snow
I flew the blue sky
To our London home
I wanted to tell you
About the contract I’d finally signed
I thought we’d turned a corner
I thought we’d left our money worries behind

I came to our door
And I knew something was wrong
The door it wouldn’t open
Because you’d left the chain still on
Our kids were downstairs
They were watching TV
You said you’d never planned
This way to tell me

We must pick our moment
When the writing’s on the wall
We must pick our moment
While it’s still ours to call
The party will go on
But we’ll leave it at the bend
Because everything must change
And everything must end

The sea was a deep blue
On Sardinia’s sandy shore
And in a green leafy shade
We ordered and we ate some more
We held hands and laughed
As they joked again
Oh…We were confident
We were beautiful then

We must pick our moment
When the writing’s on the wall
We must pick our moment
While it’s still ours to call
The party will go on
But we’ll leave it at the bend
Because everything must change
And everything must end

I thought of you today
Of what you do and say
Of what I sow and reap
Of how your words cut deep
But I will hide the signs
Below the waterline

I think my truth is real
By what I see and feel
But your trust in me
Needed consistency
So love was drowned over time
Below the waterline

I remember my priest tell
Of heaven and of hell
Of learning to go without
Of not letting the animal out
Of the fine chains that bind
Below the waterline

I want to appeal
To seal a new deal
To find a hand to hold
To let a new love unfold
To give more of what’s mine
Below the waterline