Thus I Wrote

You get up early
Wash your face
You go to work
Take your place
They all depend on you
You’re always well prepared
They see you smiling
But inside you’re scared

You’re always busy
Always things to do
Work, friends and family
Help see the day through
You just wish sometimes
You trusted someone who really cared
To open up your heart to
When inside you’re scared

Fear grows in the dark
So open up your heart
Let the healing begin
Let the light in

We’re all afraid
When we’re alone
We need love
To help us home
So open up your heart
A problem’s halved when shared
Let the light in
When inside you’re scared

Fear grows in the dark
So open up your heart
Let the healing begin
Let the light in

Picture: the-conversation-piotr-antonow http://www.piotrantonow.com

There’s a dark demon stalking my dreams
It’s shapeless, formless and I don’t know what it means
It hides in trees when I go near
It rustles the leaves when I try to hear

There’s a dark demon stalking my dreams
It follows it’s own ancient schemes
Sometimes an angel, all sweetness and light
Then eating your heart, in the dark of night

There’s a dark demon stalking my dreams
As ancient as man, passed down in genes
It pushed the cavemen to run or fight
It pushed the cavemen round the fire at night

There’s a dark demon stalking my dreams
Like a black cloud, moving slowly over scenes
As the abyss approaches and now it’s near
The dark demon’s name becomes clear

There’s a dark demon stalking my dreams
The sword of light can make it disappear
When wielded by a knight, to transform
The dark demon to an angel re-born

You may have the world’s best invention
But what if nobody gives it any attention
You’ll be on your own
You’ll be all alone

You may cook the world’s best food
But what if everybody thought it’s no good
You’ll be on your own
You’ll be all alone

You may have the world’s best song
But what if nobody sang along
You’ll be on your own
You’ll be all alone

You may look the best
But what if you’re always distressed
You’ll be on your own
You’ll be all alone

You may be very rich
But still find life a bitch
If you are on your own
If you are all alone

A life corner turning
A change has spawned burning
Someone else used the matches
But I will rise, rise from the ashes

I’ve recently counted the cost
Of winning less than I’ve lost
Life’s only been good in flashes
But I will rise, rise from the ashes

I’ve lost a lot of money
Standing still while running
I’m sick of financial crashes
But I will rise, rise from the ashes

In love I’ve been lonely
But it’s not about me only
I still believe in love’s passion
I will rise, rise from the ashes

I can’t do it alone
I need help to grow
To rise from life’s burns and lashes
I will rise, rise from the ashes

In that stone floored kitchen
I remember the friction
She stood with hand on hips
Her tongue through pursed lips
Behind my grandmother’s back
In impotent fury at her lack
Of kindnesss or empathy
Of understanding or sympathy

She was but twenty three,
A young bride recently free
With two children born
With another being formed
With difficult in-laws in-between
An old farmhouse to clean
And animals to harness
And produce to harvest
She had no indoor toilet
Or central heating or carpets
Or running water or electric light
Or friends or family nearby.

She was scared when the storms came round
And my father tied the thatched roof down
When the pig was killed she cried tears
As it was used to feed us for the year.
She cooked on the open turf fire
And milked the cows when tired
While my father sold milk to the creamery
To buy clothes, sugar and tea

A blow-in, it was said of her
And they were scornful of her
Of her lack of land and education
How she was now above her station
They could not see that the love
She brought in bucket-loads was enough
How she lit up that cold house
Meant she was more than a worthy spouse.

She was a Christian in deed
All the week it was soon agreed
She was a well of strength
With an addictive laugh freely spent
She attracted people to her
And over time won them all over.

Save my grandmother alone
Who had a hurt never shown
But which stifled her love
And her only son had never enough
My mother’s married life was tuned
To repairing that wound,
And at the end of his life of need
It seemed she finally did succeed.
He loved her so and learned
That he was loved by her in return
With such love his fear did cease
And he died, as much as we know, in peace.

The fruits of our dating
In that room of waiting
In that room of life and death
The bed was bloody red
Where she had bloody bled
And this was where we first met

Fighting contractions
And wired inaction
She fought till tired and worn
In that lonely room
In our own cocoon
From bleeding flesh they were torn

In the silent peace
Of the aftermath release
She was too exhausted to respond
My child explored
While I adored
And we formed an unbreakable bond

I tried to be strong
As I went along
But was guilty of many thoughtless sins
But I hope my love is the base
That gives them the grace
To be happy in their own skins

Economically they strive
But as people they thrive
And I am proud of their success
They are my lifelong joy
And the love I employ
Is a constant in my happiness

I remember her
Standing with hands on hips
In that stone floored kitchen
With her tongue stuck out
In defiance and impotent fury
Behind my grandmother’s back

She was but twenty three, a young bride
With two children already
And another on the way
With two elderly parents to tend to
With an old farmhouse to clean
With hens, pigs, cattle and geese to feed
With produce to collect and harvest

She had no indoor toilet
Or carpets
Or central heating
Or running water
Or electric light
Or friends
Or family nearby.

When the storms came
My father tied the thatched roof down.
He brought turf for the open fire
And sold milk to buy clothes, tea and sugar

My mother cried when the pig was killed
Every year to feed us for the year.
She despaired of the dirt
And the wayward animals
And her wayward children
And her needy parents-in-law

She was a blow-in
And they were scornful
Of her lack of land and of her education.
He was too good for her.

They could not see the love
She brought in bucket-loads
And armfuls,
And how she lit up that cold house.

But then as she always said
An empty vessel makes most sound.

She was Christian indeed
and not just on Sunday
She has a well of strength
And her laugh is infectious
And addictive.
She attracted people to her
And over time won them all over.

Save my grandmother
Who had a secret hurt
That she never shared
But which stifled her love
For her one and only son.

My mother spent her life
Trying to repair that wound,
And at the end of his life
It seemed she finally succeeded.

He loved her and was loved
By her and knew it to be so.
With such love there is no fear
And he died, as much as we can know,
in peace.

Sometimes I did not do
That which I promised to do
And more times than I care to mention
My mother observed tartly
Don’t do things partly
” The road to hell is paved with good intentions”

I was in a mood
And off my food
My face said what I chose not to say
My mother finally said
Look happy or instead
” The wind will change and leave you that way”

There was a lot of noise
There was too much noise
There was no peace to be found
She was losing her way
She would stop and say
“An empty vessel makes most sound”

My brothers and I crossed the line
We fought much of the time
We made an awful noise night and day
My father finally said, frustrated
Annoyed and exasperated
“Start it and I’ll finish it my way”

He had a problem in his day
Someone stood in his way
I think they were petty as well
He had bitten his lip
Then ” A petty man ” he let slip
” On an ass will ride it to hell ”

It’s heavy, my burden of giving
It presses me, unto the Earth
But there is a truth, in this living
And over time, it builds great worth

In giving, we are connected
We feel the reason we were made
In return, we are loved and respected
By such are our burdens weighed

Without such a burden we float
To the Sky, we are light and free
We are empty, and remote
With the unbearable lightness of being

I find, I am prone to alternate
Between the Earth, and the Sky
Between loving, and selfish states
Between the us, and the purely I

Do you want to fix this?
Or is it too late?
Is your heart too wounded
Behind your locked gate?
Can we talk about things
Can we play in tune?
Will you do unto me
What you would have me do unto you?

Let’s clean out the stable
Please forgive me my sins
All the hurt I have caused
Has locked your love in
I am truly sorry
And my remorse it is true
Will you do unto me
What you would have me do unto you?

When I know you forgive me
And love me, I’ll be free
I am still a prisoner
Frustrated and angry
I know I have other things
That I must work on too
Will you do unto me
What you would have me do unto you?

I promise to love you
And not shut you out
I promise to be patient
Hard for me, no doubt
I will listen and talk to you
And have fun with you too
Will you do unto me
What you would have me do unto you?

I promise to create peace
And light up your day
I will look at you with love
While I listen to what you say
I promise to forgive you
When you make a mistake or two
Will you do unto me
What you would have me do unto you?