Thus I Wrote

She looked like she was lost
As she waved them down in Kings Cross
She told them the cost
And haggled for five minutes at most
It’s about take and it’s about give
In the shimmering space in which we live

She said “Yes” with tears in her eyes
He thought he had won such a prize
She thought “He’s handsome” and “He’s wise”
He forgot all between her thighs
It’s about take and it’s about give
In the shimmering space in which we live

“Mr President, We must provide aid,
Otherwise our economy will fade,
And damage all the plans we’ve laid
Because of all the goods we trade”
It’s about take and it’s about give
In the shimmering space in which we live

He committed no crimes at all
He lived in a house with four walls
“Do unto others…”, he obeyed the call
He feared that otherwise society would fall
It’s about take and it’s about give
In the shimmering space in which we live

I spent most of my life in denial
I just lived in the moment while
Every minute of every day
I just lived and squeezed and made it pay
Because just like a red rose
I was built for a purpose

But often I rage and fight
Against the dying of the light
When I raise my eyes
When I look and realise
That beyond our sight
Is the darkness of the night

I have looked again and again
For someone with power to bargain
Someone to answer why
We live and why we die
But no-one heard my tune
I was howling at the moon

Sometimes I’m depressed and sad
When I think my future’s bad
When I feel that I’m alone
With nothing to offer anyone
But I won’t drink to forget
Or brush it under the carpet

Because it is a natural process
From which we can’t digress
And the final part is to accept
That nobody can escape death
So burn each day more bright
Until the dying of the light

I cannot cross the big divide
That stretches between our souls
I can’t get your attention
With all the distractions and different roles
This is my life, and I feel disconnected
No one is affected
By the statues I’ve erected
I’m getting frustrated & angry enough to swear

It’s not about love and it’s not about sex
(But I won’t say no if they come along)
I leave this island and sail on the sea
To give something good that lets me belong
I work hard to create something of value
But everything I do
I find there’s a queue
I’m getting frustrated & angry enough to swear

I’m singing on stage and I’m working hard
The song is one they can sing along
I get to the chorus and hope for release
But we don’t connect and it goes all wrong
They sound out of sync and sound out of tune
My words are strewn
And howled at the moon
I’m getting frustrated & angry enough to swear

The sands are falling and it gets less easy
The world it demands something new
The pressure is mounting and I feel queasy
I’m listening but I don’t know what to do
From the everyday experience that the world views
It will sift & choose
Who will win &  lose
I’m getting frustrated & angry enough to swear

“Meaningless, Meaningless…All is Meaningless”.

Generations come, and generations go
We ask why, but we do not know
What has been, will again be done
For there is nothing, new under the sun

Like chasing the wind, how hard we run
But still there’s nothing, gained under the sun
The rich and the poor, the foolish and the wise
Live but their day, and then each dies

The earth it turns, and the seasons bring
A time for everyone, and a time for everything
To the wise a pattern, awaits to be found
Beneath the changing waves, and the changing ground

A live dog is better, than a regal dead lion
Enjoy life and grow talents, that you can rely on
For while there’s life, there’s hope in your heart
Once dead you’ll never, ever again play a part

Do not be diverted, do not be deceived
Do not be indifferent, to the gift you’ve received
Do not be afraid & waste, your day to burn bright
But burn all the brighter, because you know the night

Generations come & go, but the earth remains
The sun also rises, & falls to rise again

“Love, Love…All is Love.”

Let us go then you and I
With the evening spread out against the sky
Let us go, through the certain half deserted streets
The muttering retreats
Of restless nights in one night cheap hotels
And sawdust restaurants with oyster shells
Oh do not ask “What is it?”
Let us go and make our visit

In the room the women come and go
Talking of Michelangelo

There will be time, there will be time
Beyond the fog that slides along the street
To prepare a face for the faces that we meet
Time for you and time for me
Before the taking of toast and tea
For a hundred indecisions
For a hundred visions and revisions

In the room the women come and go
Talking of Michelangelo

Time to wonder:”Do I dare?” and “Do I dare?”
Time to turn back and descend the stair
Do I dare, disturb the universe?
In a minute there is time
For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse.

Because I have known them already, known them all
Have known the evenings, mornings, afternoons
I have measured out my life with coffee spoons
Heard their voices dying with a dying fall
Beneath the music from a farther room
So how should I presume?

And I have known the eyes already, known them all
The eyes that fix you in a formulated phrase
And when I am formulated, sprawling on a pin
When I am pinned and wriggling on the wall
Then how should I begin
To spit out all the butt ends of my days and ways?
And how should I presume?

I should have been a pair of ragged claws
Scuttling across the floors of silent seas

Would it have been worth it, after all
After the cups, the marmalade, the tea
Among the porcelain, among some talk of you and me
Would it have been worth while?
To have bitten off the matter with a smile
To say: ” I am Lazarus, come from the dead”
If one, settling a pillow by her head
Should say: “That is not what I meant at all,
That is not it at all.”

I grow old…I grow old
I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled

Shall I part my hair behind? Do I dare to eat a peach?
I shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk upon the beach
I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.

I do not think they will sing to me.

I have seen them riding seaward on the waves
Combing the white hair of the waves blown back
When the wind blows the water white and black

We have lingered in the chambers of the sea
By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown
Till human voices wake us and we drown.

I left you sleeping
In the Chelsea Hotel
“A change is gonna come”
I heard the wind tell

I sailed a dark ocean
On a rising swell
To finish my quest
Before the wind fell

I fought for treasure
To win love & respect
But it damaged my heart
More than you expect

The wind it changed
And I was cast aside
We lost each other
As our love died

Generations come and go
But the earth still remains
The sun also rises
And falls to rise again

I hear you shot a man in Reno
Just to watch him die
I just want to know Johnny
Why did you do it, why?

Was it your broken heart?
Was it the drugs and alcohol?
Was it writer’s block?
That caused so big a fall

I wear my sackcloth
And lash myself to atone
I am holier than thou
Did you feel my first stone

There’s an empty space
In the middle of my soul
That I fill by finding
A superior punitive role

Johnny, you make me forget
All the sins in my life
By helping me stand tall
On the pillar of your strife

I wake in the morning
My gut tense with fear
Going nowhere fast, revving hard
I’m stuck in first gear

I have a coffee
Trying to clear my head
Before my thoughts spill out
Into something I said

I then think of him
And have done since he died
His gaze unwavering
I never knew him to hide

He never seemed worried
About being left behind
And his ignorance never
Seemed to clutter his mind

Behind his kindness
And out of view
He was on praying terms
With a God I once knew

And was it by accident?
Or was it by design?
That he had a pure heart
And a calm, simple mind

When I was with him
I forgot panic and fear
And basked in the warmth
Of having love near

Immigrants arrive
And women have new roles
Rules change as midwives
For a new evolving whole

I see factions fight
To invade my space
I feel claustrophobhic
Trying to keep my place

I feel more uncertain
And fearful of my fate
The world is changing
But that’s a natural state

And I have come to trust
That the invisible hand,
Of consensus in this world
Knows better than I understand

I finished my song
To little applause
It was long past midnight
And it felt a lost cause

I packed my Martin guitar
With a Baggs pickup
She gave them to me
Long after the breakup

She took one of my names
But she spelt it wrong
But she only ever wanted
To sing her song

She seduced with sacrifice
With talent and brand
Until the world chose her
With an invisible hand

She’s famous now
And it hurts still, the calculation
And all the steps she buried
Under her infatuation

It feels lonely sometimes
This choice to be free
This fire isn’t as bright
But it belongs to me