Thus I Wrote

Let us go then you and I
With the evening spread out against the sky
Let us go, through the certain half deserted streets
The muttering retreats
Of restless nights in one night cheap hotels
And sawdust restaurants with oyster shells
Oh do not ask “What is it?”
Let us go and make our visit

In the room the women come and go
Talking of Michelangelo

There will be time, there will be time
Beyond the fog that slides along the street
To prepare a face for the faces that we meet
Time for you and time for me
Before the taking of toast and tea
For a hundred indecisions
For a hundred visions and revisions

In the room the women come and go
Talking of Michelangelo

Time to wonder:”Do I dare?” and “Do I dare?”
Time to turn back and descend the stair
Do I dare, disturb the universe?
In a minute there is time
For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse.

Because I have known them already, known them all
Have known the evenings, mornings, afternoons
I have measured out my life with coffee spoons
Heard their voices dying with a dying fall
Beneath the music from a farther room
So how should I presume?

And I have known the eyes already, known them all
The eyes that fix you in a formulated phrase
And when I am formulated, sprawling on a pin
When I am pinned and wriggling on the wall
Then how should I begin
To spit out all the butt ends of my days and ways?
And how should I presume?

I should have been a pair of ragged claws
Scuttling across the floors of silent seas

Would it have been worth it, after all
After the cups, the marmalade, the tea
Among the porcelain, among some talk of you and me
Would it have been worth while?
To have bitten off the matter with a smile
To say: ” I am Lazarus, come from the dead”
If one, settling a pillow by her head
Should say: “That is not what I meant at all,
That is not it at all.”

I grow old…I grow old
I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled

Shall I part my hair behind? Do I dare to eat a peach?
I shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk upon the beach
I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.

I do not think they will sing to me.

I have seen them riding seaward on the waves
Combing the white hair of the waves blown back
When the wind blows the water white and black

We have lingered in the chambers of the sea
By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown
Till human voices wake us and we drown.

I wake in the morning
My gut tense with fear
Going nowhere fast, revving hard
I’m stuck in first gear

I have a coffee
Trying to clear my head
Before my thoughts spill out
Into something I said

I then think of him
And have done since he died
His gaze unwavering
I never knew him to hide

He never seemed worried
About being left behind
And his ignorance never
Seemed to clutter his mind

Behind his kindness
And out of view
He was on praying terms
With a God I once knew

And was it by accident?
Or was it by design?
That he had a pure heart
And a calm, simple mind

When I was with him
I forgot panic and fear
And basked in the warmth
Of having love near

Well, you’re my friend…
And can you see…
But do you…do you know me
Do you know the thoughts I’ve got.
Do you know I have a love
For everyone I know
And I have a lust for life
I want to to live and not let go
But there are times I feel alone
And something rises up inside
It eats at my heart
And it darkens my mind

And then a dark demon
Stalks my dreams
And then a dark demon
Stalks my dreams
I need a love
To save me
From this dark demon…

Well come, now take my hand
And together let’s make a stand
I’ll be your port
In the storm
And when it’s cold
You’ll keep you warm
I hope we find peace
And love lights up our lives
And shines forever
Our saviour inside

From this dark demon
That stalks our dreams
From this dark demon
That stalks our dreams
We need a love
To save us
From this dark demon…

This is based on an earlier poem I wrote of the same name but more recently inspired by the song “I See a Darkness” by Will Oldham…the Johnny Cash cover version especially. I like the metaphor of the dark demon and of love casting out the demons as Christ did in the bible. He used love to banish fear. I have no particular allegiance to religion but the stories form a powerful backdrop to our culture and resonate with me. I see them as useful and powerful metaphors.

You were my first love
I didn’t know it then
I was a bundle of energy
And uncertainty when,
I kissed your face
And I wanted too much
Distracted by others
That I needed to touch.

You’re in my thoughts
I always compare
I always wonder
If I had you there
But I was uncertain
I had too much fear
That left me blind
And let no one near.

You married a man
Who gave up his life
To adore and cherish you
His life, was his wife
I could not give so
Too selfish, I guess
My tunnel vision
In your eyes made me less.

I’m a bit of a loner
Only giving so much
I don’t want to be alone
But accept it as such.
I love in my way
But am drawn to understand
The futility of why?
These cards in my hand?

I find few truths
But love is one, clear
That which we give
And those we hold dear
I’ve studied my fears
Helped by wise men
And now is there time?
For me to love again?

Well, I depend
On you, my friend
Many times, we’ve stayed up drinking
Many times, we’ve shared our thoughts
But do you really know me
Do you know the thoughts I’ve got

Do you know I have a love
For everyone I know
I have a lust for life
To live and not let go
But sometimes I feel alone
Something rises up inside
It eats at my heart
And it darkens my mind

A dark demon
Stalks my dreams
(A dark demon
Stalks my dreams)
I need a love
To save me
From this dark demon…

Come, now take my hand
Together let’s make a stand
I’ll be your port
In the storm
When it’s cold
I’ll keep you warm
I hope we find peace
And love lights up our lives
And shines forever
Our saviour inside

(From…)This dark demon
Stalking our dreams
(This dark demon
Stalking our dreams)
We need a love
To save us
From this dark demon…

This is based on an earlier poem I wrote of the same name but more recently inspired by the song “I See a Darkness” by Will Oldham. The Johnny Cash cover version especially. I like the metaphor of the dark demon and of love casting out the demons as Christ did in the bible. He used love to banish fear. I have no particular allegiance to religion but the stories form a powerful backdrop to our culture and resonate with me. I see them as useful and powerful metaphors.

There’s a dark demon stalking my dreams
It’s shapeless, formless and I don’t know what it means
It hides in trees when I go near
It rustles the leaves when I try to hear

There’s a dark demon stalking my dreams
It follows it’s own ancient schemes
Sometimes an angel, all sweetness and light
Then eating your heart, in the dark of night

There’s a dark demon stalking my dreams
As ancient as man, passed down in genes
It pushed the cavemen to run or fight
It pushed the cavemen round the fire at night

There’s a dark demon stalking my dreams
Like a black cloud, moving slowly over scenes
As the abyss approaches and now it’s near
The dark demon’s name becomes clear

There’s a dark demon stalking my dreams
The sword of light can make it disappear
When wielded by a knight, to transform
The dark demon to an angel re-born