Thus I Wrote

In that stone floored kitchen
I remember the friction
She stood with hand on hips
Her tongue through pursed lips
Behind my grandmother’s back
In impotent fury at her lack
Of kindnesss or empathy
Of understanding or sympathy

She was but twenty three,
A young bride recently free
With two children born
With another being formed
With difficult in-laws in-between
An old farmhouse to clean
And animals to harness
And produce to harvest
She had no indoor toilet
Or central heating or carpets
Or running water or electric light
Or friends or family nearby.

She was scared when the storms came round
And my father tied the thatched roof down
When the pig was killed she cried tears
As it was used to feed us for the year.
She cooked on the open turf fire
And milked the cows when tired
While my father sold milk to the creamery
To buy clothes, sugar and tea

A blow-in, it was said of her
And they were scornful of her
Of her lack of land and education
How she was now above her station
They could not see that the love
She brought in bucket-loads was enough
How she lit up that cold house
Meant she was more than a worthy spouse.

She was a Christian in deed
All the week it was soon agreed
She was a well of strength
With an addictive laugh freely spent
She attracted people to her
And over time won them all over.

Save my grandmother alone
Who had a hurt never shown
But which stifled her love
And her only son had never enough
My mother’s married life was tuned
To repairing that wound,
And at the end of his life of need
It seemed she finally did succeed.
He loved her so and learned
That he was loved by her in return
With such love his fear did cease
And he died, as much as we know, in peace.

The fruits of our dating
In that room of waiting
In that room of life and death
The bed was bloody red
Where she had bloody bled
And this was where we first met

Fighting contractions
And wired inaction
She fought till tired and worn
In that lonely room
In our own cocoon
From bleeding flesh they were torn

In the silent peace
Of the aftermath release
She was too exhausted to respond
My child explored
While I adored
And we formed an unbreakable bond

I tried to be strong
As I went along
But was guilty of many thoughtless sins
But I hope my love is the base
That gives them the grace
To be happy in their own skins

Economically they strive
But as people they thrive
And I am proud of their success
They are my lifelong joy
And the love I employ
Is a constant in my happiness

Sometimes I did not do
That which I promised to do
And more times than I care to mention
My mother observed tartly
Don’t do things partly
” The road to hell is paved with good intentions”

I was in a mood
And off my food
My face said what I chose not to say
My mother finally said
Look happy or instead
” The wind will change and leave you that way”

There was a lot of noise
There was too much noise
There was no peace to be found
She was losing her way
She would stop and say
“An empty vessel makes most sound”

My brothers and I crossed the line
We fought much of the time
We made an awful noise night and day
My father finally said, frustrated
Annoyed and exasperated
“Start it and I’ll finish it my way”

He had a problem in his day
Someone stood in his way
I think they were petty as well
He had bitten his lip
Then ” A petty man ” he let slip
” On an ass will ride it to hell ”

You were born here,
And died here,
Against your will….
Hurled into this world,
And taken from it,
By an unseen hand.
But you live on
In our love.
We’re your monument,
And your epitaph.

Where you lead,
I must follow,
In my own way…
You showed me how,
To carry a burden,
To accept my fate,
To leave gracefully,
When my time has come…

At the end I was helpless…
I could not comfort you,
Or give you peace.
As it was a cup,
That could not pass from you.
At the end I was a child,
Already missing you,
Who still needed your love…
So when the fire of your spirit,
Became a flickering ember,
Your last smile,
And wave goodbye,
Meant so much.

Your final ceremony,
Was filled with tears,
But left me comforted
And inspired.
It collected,
All the sparks of your life,
Into a pure beacon,
That shone,
One last time,
And then faded away.