Thus I Wrote

I don’t like it much
The destruction, the division and the deceit
But does that make me
One of the Liberal Elite?

I don’t like it much
All the insults & the lack of respect
But does that make me
Too Politically Correct?

I don’t like it much
The noise all around
All the ignorance and the lies
But empty vessels make most sound

There’s never enough time under the sun
We all leave this place with much undone
With visceral feelings of roads not taken
But we’re not alone and we’re not forsaken

Lo, There do I see my Father
Lo, There do I see my Mother
And My Sisters and my Brothers
Lo, There do I see the line
Of my people back in time
Lo, They do they call to me
To take my place in the halls of Eternity
Where our enemies have been vanquished
Where the brave shall live forever
Where the truth shall reign
Where there’s beauty and no pain
Where we shall not mourn but rejoice
For we have lived a good life.

I’ve squandered my days with plans of many things
And I did not plan for this, but now I vow to live it well
For all that I ought to have thought, and have not thought;
For all that I ought to have said, and have not said;
For all that I ought to have done, and have not done;
I ask for forgiveness.

I try to love you but I am repulsed
I feel rejected as I have for so long
I’m on the wrong page and now I’m feeling my age
I just keep on getting it wrong

The scales they tip in my weighing mind
But they’ve tipped your way for too long
I’ve given ’til it hurts and now it hurts too much
I just keep on getting it wrong

I’ve built the boundaries that make me
They protect me in the throng
I’ve moved them on, ’til a part of me feels gone
I just keep on getting it wrong

I know perception is your reality
And my caricature is so strong
I need a new brand and to deal a new hand
I just keep on getting it wrong

Now every morning I knock on doors
Cos to live I need to belong
For my learning heart, it’s the hardest part
I just keep on getting it wrong

The sun shines down on last night’s frost
And in the quiet I hear a bird’s song
I think of Spring and the changes I’ll ring
Cos I just keep on getting it wrong

You reach out through clumsy words,
Through shared things and scenes
You want me to like them too,
And for a while I miss what you mean…

Your music is alien to me,
I see what their faces lack,
I listen to their stories,
And it brings me all the way back.
This was the country I left behind,
A country of catholic sin,
A country alien to me,
But that they felt at home in.
Once I thought I was better,
But now I just feel alone,
I have no real country,
And I have no real home.
I ripped all that tried to cling to me,
Because I needed to be free,
To travel on my quest,
To find out who I must be.
To become the butterfly,
I shed my caterpillar skin,
And on a wheel of stone,
The start has now come again…

Then I hold your hand,
I listen and watch you smile,
Now love drowns our differences
After a little while.

The fruits of our dating
In that room of waiting
In that room of life and death
The bed was bloody red
Where she had bloody bled
And this was where we first met

Fighting contractions
And wired inaction
She fought till tired and worn
In that lonely room
In our own cocoon
From bleeding flesh they were torn

In the silent peace
Of the aftermath release
She was too exhausted to respond
My child explored
While I adored
And we formed an unbreakable bond

I tried to be strong
As I went along
But was guilty of many thoughtless sins
I hope my love is the base
That gives them the grace
To be happy in their own skins

Economically they strive
As people they thrive
And I’m proud of their success
They’re my lifelong joy
And the love they employ
Is a constant in my happiness

Your words explode in my head
And I freeze with pain…
My stomach’s in a knot
And I’m back here again

Like a knife on a taut rope
Back and forth until I fall
Into the lonely darkness
Surrounded by a dark wall

Such warmth and such joy
You offer on a good day
But on a dark day a knife
That makes me hurt & pay
That makes me lose myself
And my demons to recover
Who take my voice
Who launch and takeover..

Your every word an arrow
Shot true and sharp
Cut through my defence
And straight into my heart

I was slow and feeble
Against your rapier thrusts
Before I knew where I was
I was hooked on unjust
I had responded
In a battle I did not choose
And it was a battle
That I would always lose

You force a crisis
You ignore my pleas
You parry my defence
You thrust and seize
Your satisfaction prize
You see my wound bleed
You see me hurt silent
“Oh Stay… let me feed…”
You think “Its your fault
By all that you do,
I forget my pain
By inflicting it on you”.

And so I withdraw
To let my wounds heal
To analyse and to write
To process what I feel

Grey limestone celtic cross
Grey cold autumn day
Leafless trees sway
And crows fly away

Is this my only monument?
As this cold silence bleeds
Above where the worms breed?
Where the earth waits to feed?

Is there no love?
A transaction of give and take
No forgiveness for our sins
And so our hearts just break

Is this the autumn?
A foreboding of winter ahead
The life and colours of Summer
All now blown and fled.

She has no filter
She thinks something,
And then she just says it.
I consider the options
The plus and minus then,
The moment is lost with it.

There’s a time to filter
And then there is,
A time to let the world know.
Trust is built on
Knowing how to predict,
Where the other will go.

If I calculate
Or I prevaricate,
I create distance and fear.
Sometimes it’s better
To say what you feel,
To allow your loved ones near.

I must clear my mind
Of the clutter and distance,
And the blockage in our way.
I’ve a deep well of love
But they must know it,
In small ways every day.

We want to feel we matter
To connect and serve with feeling
As we run up that hill
Looking for a meaning

How do we know we exist?
How do we know we’re alive?
How many people do we need to tell us
Before we accept we have arrived?

We’re together in this room
But only some can see the elephant
In the truth of everyday experience
We compete to be relevant

There are 14 Billion years before us
And we get 80 years or so
We stutter briefly on the stage
We flicker briefly and then we go

Wise men have worked to show us
We are leaves in the forest green
On our own we have little significance
In the playing of life’s great scene

We’re together in this room
But only some can see the elephant
In the truth of everyday experience
We compete to be relevant

Some ignorance may be a virtue
That many find unexpected
The truth is in life’s experience
And not in its meaning dissected

In the end our focus shifts
To those we love and what we’re giving
And while we’ve something to share
There’s still a relevance to our living

We’re together in this room
But only some can see the elephant
In the truth of everyday experience
While we share, we are relevant

Inspired by the Birdman film

Hey little darling
What’s that you say
Your mother’s a fish?
And she just swam away?

I looked for you
Through the veil of my tears
But I couldn’t see you
Through the smoke of my fears

As I lay dying
I thought of you,
Of all the things I wanted
And all that I didn’t do

But it’s not all about you
To be human is to share
Can you open your mind?
And see what is fair

We have desires and secrets
That we forgot we had
We tried to bury them
But they still smelled bad

As I lay dying
I thought of you,
Of all the things I wanted
And all that I didn’t do

We have desires and secrets
That buried us alive
That killed the intimacy
Our love needs to survive

In my life I have drifted
Between the earth and the sky
My life’s quest a balance
Between the us and the I

As I lay dying
I thought of you,
Of all the things I wanted
And all that I didn’t do

Inspired by As i Lay Dying by William Faulkner

I’m a ghost
Have I died?
I’m a ghost
Floating on the outside

I’m in neutral
I’m just coasting my way
I’m in neutral
I’ve been hurt..ok?

My darling, I have tried
To give you love
But it all went to hell
Between the rock below and the hard place above
Not enough love
Not enough understanding
Not enough forgiveness
And too much demanding

I’m a ghost
Have I died?
I’m a ghost
Floating on the outside

My darling I’ll try
To give you love
Because I’m your Dad
When push comes to shove…
You need enough love
You need enough understanding
Enough forgiveness
And less demanding

I’m crossing
To the other side
I’m in a new gear
To begin a new ride

I see ghosts of late
From the scenes I’ve played
The haunting of familiar faces
In familiar places

I see ghosts of late
In the well of my emotional state
The pricking of past emotion
The memories of past devotion

I see ghosts of late
From the loving relationships I’ve made
From mother and father
From sons and daughters
From wives and lovers
From sisters and brothers
And from the friends who stayed
I see ghosts of late

I see ghosts of late
Whispering of changes, they portray
The waves that rise and fall
The victories big and small
The turning of the earth
The renewal of life and death
And all that shaped my fate
I see ghosts of late

I see ghosts of late
Part of the man I’ve made
They don’t go they wait
They’re with me till that silent gate….