Thus I Wrote

Sometimes I did not do
That which I promised to do
And more times than I care to mention
My mother observed tartly
Don’t do things partly
” The road to hell is paved with good intentions”

I was in a mood
And off my food
My face said what I chose not to say
My mother finally said
Look happy or instead
” The wind will change and leave you that way”

There was a lot of noise
There was too much noise
There was no peace to be found
She was losing her way
She would stop and say
“An empty vessel makes most sound”

My brothers and I crossed the line
We fought much of the time
We made an awful noise night and day
My father finally said, frustrated
Annoyed and exasperated
“Start it and I’ll finish it my way”

He had a problem in his day
Someone stood in his way
I think they were petty as well
He had bitten his lip
Then ” A petty man ” he let slip
” On an ass will ride it to hell ”

I explain to her as we sit
But it’s to no avail
She says she does not get it
And so again I fail
I’m sitting close beside her
Where she’s going nobody knows
She’s a car with no driver
She just goes where she goes

She carefully picks her target
Then closes her eyes and goes
It may be a family event
Or perhaps it’s some new clothes
Chocolate she comes alive for
And jewellery it’s the money she blows
She’s a car with no driver
She just goes where she goes

Her fuel is kindness and love
An angry word will make her stop
She’s sensitive and difficult to move
And her maintenance can be over the top
I’m at peace when I’m inside her
I don’t get in that often I know
She’s a car with no driver
She just goes where she goes

Sometimes I feel like losing myself
And giving my all to her cause
But I’m afraid that in losing myself
I’ll be breaking all of my laws
Will I be nothing beside her?
Who nobody sees or knows?
While she’s a car with no driver
She just goes where she goes

I feel inadequate mostly
What I provide is not enough
My mistakes can prove costly
With conversations hurtful and rough
But in my heart I chose to inscribe her
She’s my greatest challenge I know
She’s a car with no driver
She just goes where she goes

She woke up tired
She did not sleep well
She has been through ice and fire
Many times I could tell
She looks in the mirror
At a stranger as she speaks
Everyday I should kiss her
Before she goes to sleep

She is always in a hurry
And is often late
Her face it shows her worry
Will she miss her date?
Although she’s hot and bothered
There’s a serenity she keeps
Everyday I should kiss her
Before she goes to sleep

I sometimes watch her
As she moves and talks
Her beauty has not left her
Especially when she laughs
A lust for life moves her
She hungers for the love she seeks
Everyday I should kiss her
Before she goes to sleep

She is sometimes angry
Over something that I’ve done
I may think it’s silly
And not noticed that it’s wrong
She demands an answer
And sometimes she cuts deep
Everyday I should kiss her
Before she goes to sleep

She talks of angels and grace
But can stir the devil in me
I’m in a difficult race
To match her certainty
Her dogma can be a spur
To create silence for a week
But everyday I should kiss her
Before she goes to sleep

She’s a flower that can bloom
In the fertile earth
She will blossom I assume
When cherished for her worth
Such a love will release her
And in return, her love I’ll reap
Everyday I should kiss her
Before she goes to sleep

It’s heavy, my burden of giving
It presses me, unto the Earth
But there is a truth, in this living
And over time, it builds great worth

In giving, we are connected
We feel the reason we were made
In return, we are loved and respected
By such are our burdens weighed

Without such a burden we float
To the Sky, we are light and free
We are empty, and remote
With the unbearable lightness of being

I find, I am prone to alternate
Between the Earth, and the Sky
Between loving, and selfish states
Between the us, and the purely I

The lines are all drawn
And positions taken
It’s arguments at dawn
And we are forsaken
I think about giving and taking
And how she takes too much
But I’ve got a treacherous feeling
That I ain’t loved her enough

Will our differences exchange
For the complement we seek?
I know love requires change
And turning the other cheek
Will she do some kneeling?
And her share of the rough?
But I’ve got a treacherous feeling
That I ain’t loved her enough

Why do we seek control?
Is it a security thing?
We could destroy the whole
Of what we’re trying to win
A lost battle has me reeling
Did I shoot the wrong stuff?
But I’ve got a treacherous feeling
That I ain’t loved her enough

So give of your love
And it shall be given to you
It’s more blessed to give
Than to receive it too
Such a love sounds healing
And ours a childish bluff
I’ve got a treacherous feeling
That I ain’t loved her enough

Picture: Bella by Lucien Freud

You looked at the deep blue sea
Beautiful in the midday sun
You were looking to the future with me
Wondering if I’m the one
My heart said you were for me
We floated together in the sky
I went down on one knee
You promised,”Until I die”

Kiss me one time
Do you love me?…
Tell me you are mine
Do you love me?

A new family we created
With a beautiful daughter born
And two children we each donated
To warm our created home
You had time to study yourself
To reinvent yourself anew
I was captured by work
To pay all of the bills due

Kiss me one time
Do you love me?
Tell me you are mine
Do you love me?

Chocolate your guilty pleasure
New Age your guiding light
Lots of women friends to measure
Life and decide what’s right
You were the emotional muse
The oracle on things of the heart
Strong but easily bruised
The artist as we drifted apart

Kiss me one time
Do you love me?…
Tell me you are mine
Do you love me?

I’m slow in an emotional race
Much slower than you
I carry my dysfunctions in a case
Beautifully presented too
Our history is not all as planned
But there is much that is good
Below our doubts and fears
Is our love just misunderstood?

Kiss me one time
Do you love me?
Tell me you are mine
Do you love me?

Do you want to fix this?
Or is it too late?
Is your heart too wounded
Behind your locked gate?
Can we talk about things
Can we play in tune?
Will you do unto me
What you would have me do unto you?

Let’s clean out the stable
Please forgive me my sins
All the hurt I have caused
Has locked your love in
I am truly sorry
And my remorse it is true
Will you do unto me
What you would have me do unto you?

When I know you forgive me
And love me, I’ll be free
I am still a prisoner
Frustrated and angry
I know I have other things
That I must work on too
Will you do unto me
What you would have me do unto you?

I promise to love you
And not shut you out
I promise to be patient
Hard for me, no doubt
I will listen and talk to you
And have fun with you too
Will you do unto me
What you would have me do unto you?

I promise to create peace
And light up your day
I will look at you with love
While I listen to what you say
I promise to forgive you
When you make a mistake or two
Will you do unto me
What you would have me do unto you?

Sleep it would not come
As I moved her things round the room
I rocked myself until numb
To dispel my gathering gloom
I thought, we are older now
But her beauty it still lingers
This relationship is slipping
Slipping through my fingers

I’m floating & drifting away
Disappearing out of sight
I need a challenge to grab me
I need a cause to fight
To get some self respect
Make my soul soar like a singer
To stop my life slipping
Slipping through my fingers

It feels like she has moved on
Passed the point of no return
I’m discarded and lonely
Frozen, as her memory burns
Phantom suitors call her
And hurt me with the love they bring her
This relationship is slipping
Slipping through my fingers

She is riding the pale horse
Of her accumulated emotion
It’s out of my control
Impervious to devotion
I wish I could hear her sigh
Again as her nerve ends tingle
This relationship is slipping
Slipping through my fingers

We have had problems for some time
She’s been a disappearing act
She could not forgive me
And her love began to crack
Isolation has hurt me
It put me through the ringer
This relationship is slipping
Slipping through my fingers

I’m lost and it’s painful
A promethean task
I’ll focus on the basics
Give her the space she asks
I’ll try to be patient
Even though my hurt’s a stinger
This relationship is slipping
Slipping through my fingers

I thought that we lived by God’s law,
Then Nietzsche said He was dead.
“We’ve been alone since the Big Bang”,
Stephen Hawking said.

Without a guiding supernatural law,
Man worked out how to survive.
He created his own morals and laws,
To control instinctual drives.

Indeed man may have invented God,
To enforce change and social control.
Societies use Him when He’s useful
But leave Him when He has no role

Man created a way to live,
Using virtue for co-operation.
Being good brings society acceptance,
Being bad brings isolation.

But good and bad are not universal,
They’re determined by what’s effective.
For the growth and the survival,
Of the individual and the collective.

Man is a calculating animal,
Judging punishment and reward.
He learns what’s effective,
For success in his own regard

Society hides the calculation,
It sounds too selfish and raw.
But balance is achieved in the collective,
Reciprocity is good for us all

So the collective knowledge of man,
Created by years of sacrifice and pain.
Is the true light of the world,
To ensure darkness never reigns.