Thus I Wrote

For as long as I live
I’m a port in the storm
A shelter from the cold
To keep you warm
In understanding you
I’m in way over my head
But I’ll always be there
To love you instead

Here are my thoughts about the afterlife..
In my catholic childhood imagery was rife
Hell was a deep dark pit with fire
Heaven was a blue sky with clouds up higher
Purgatory was somewhere in between
And Limbo was for babies dying unclean

Lucifer the devil lived in fiery Hell
Heaven was God’s choice to dwell
No exit from Limbo, Heaven or Hell
But Purgatory was a temporary rehab hotel

I believe now in no Afterlife
But we create enough pleasure and strife
To create a Heaven and Hell on earth to show
That we reap what we sow

Heaven, I see, is valued and included
And Hell is lonely and excluded
Heaven sees reward for craft and graft
Hell is a wasted life distraught

He took a risk for his creation
His reward the riches of nations
He has talent and tenacity
But I don’t trust his veracity
He acts the eagle but he’s a vulture
Living off the bones of our culture

With his power he endowed
On his life a secret shroud
Over how he nurtures
His company’s culture
So that the end it seems
Justifies his grubby means

His people are guided
By the culture he decided
By the clearly given rewards
Approved by the board
So why does our society fail
To throw him in jail?

This is a clear defect.
If he has such an effect
If he is king of all he surveys
And all value only he purveys
Why is systemic wrongdoing
Somehow not his doing?

He created the culture
To lead his vultures
To achieve the first mover advantage
He gave his soul to manage
From criminal activity
He got market exclusivity….

Now he’s untouchable in his tower
Of political and media power

Unassailable in his tower
Of financial and political power
He will still die
Just like you and I
Slowly or quickly
He will become sickly
He has not the pace
To win this race

He rages and works
Against the future that lurks
Against the decay
Coming closer every day
He wants some meaning
Why is death intervening?
But he’s a small pawn
To a life that goes on
He held a baton a while
While he ran his mile

We are born and we die
Against our will, so we try
To exert some control
To create a role
In the end there’s no doubt
There’s no easy way out
Before we leave we check in
Every last thing
We fall into the unknown
As we were born….alone

The truth of beauty
Is in the underlying duty
Form is the birth of function
Removing faults at every junction

Do we need God as referee
When we now have CCTV?
Do we not need religion because
We now have so many laws?

We are so pragmatic
But we’ve lost some magic
Old people die alone
Such a hidden misery grown

We have yet to count the cost
Of the love we have lost

Let’s hold hands
As we walk on the soft sand
Where the palm tree grows
Where the summer breeze blows
Where the salty sea flows
Where the cool moon glows
There my heart skips a beat
And hope rises in the heat

My hope is a start
I know trusting is tough
I’m playing a part
And taking chances is enough
I know I’ve got the heart
For another big love

Lets walk & share a joke
We won’t fix what ain’t broke
We’ve got less to come
And we’ve got much more already done
Is it really an illusion
A mad wonderful confusion
We’ve been here before
But we’re back for more

My hope is a start
And there’s no time to bluff
I’m playing a part
And my trust is enough
I’ve got the heart
For another big love

There’s a truth in your beauty
The form of your life’s duty
I see your patience and care
How you give and take your share
I see your love and grace
Shine in time and space

My hope is a start
I know trusting is tough
I’m playing a part
And taking chances is enough
I know I’ve got the heart
For another big love

She harbours resentment
I feel it as it stifles her kiss
She harbours resentment
She feels there’s so much I’ve missed
She harbours resentment
I try to reach her but she resists

It started so well
How could we foretell
We made plans & lists
But they didn’t include this
Our differences in time
Became a chasm wide
What’s mine to confess
I now ask forgiveness

She harbours resentment
I feel it as it stifles her embrace
She harbours resentment
I see the wariness in her face
She harbours resentment
She needed more love and needed more grace

I remember her touch
When she loved me so much
We talked every night
Our dreams shone so bright
Now there’s silence and hurt
Forgotten value and worth
What’s mine to confess
I now ask forgiveness

She harbours resentment
I feel it as it stifles her love
She harbours resentment
Now however much I give is never enough
She harbours resentment
I’m between the rock below and the hard place above

Her happiness
Was always my quest
I’m haunted by the mess
Of that failed test
I wish our kingdom
Had more time to come
But what’s mine to confess
I now ask forgiveness

I told a joke
And it was misunderstood
I did not play social games
Like many others could
In talking from the heart
I was always second best
I live in my head
Focussed on my quest

I pushed the world
And the world it punched back
It cycled and it swirled
It changed from white to black
I surfed the waves of change
Til I landed on this beach
Now it feels so strange
The future’s slipping out of reach

How did we find
Ourselves on different sides?
What started as a line
Is now a chasm wide
I wish that I could hold you
Like when our love was new
But our demands they were too many
And our gifts they were too few

I asked why
But alone no answer came
Together the picture is empty
But at least we have a frame
Will our role be revealed?
Will we wait too long to live?
The lilies of the field
They just live and give

I drew an eight
When I wanted a Jack
But I’ll play the hand I’m dealt
Because there’s no use looking back
If hard work’s the platform
Then I’m ready for my luck to gain
Life may be full of storms
So I dance in the rain

Something’s fallen
Something’s broken
Many careless words
I wish were never spoken

Not enough love left
To pick up all the parts
Avoiding the many falls
Appears the required art

A love like the sun
Would banish fear
Would shine a light
To make the precious clear

I raised my voice, when I should have not
I looked at you, while thinking wrong thoughts
I drank too much, and disguised by mirth
Said careless words, and you, got hurt

After we argue, I often shut you out
I waited to calm down, I wouldn’t trust my mouth
I made a silence & I wouldn’t let it go
I made you lonely, and I wish, it wasn’t so.

I spend too much time, living in my head
It makes me negative, and aloof, you said
I need more heart, and I need more fun
I feed the elephant, when I, should make it run

My emotions are dark, too dark for me to read
They swirl, they rise up, when it’s calmness I need
They lash out when things don’t go my way
My wise counsel, is drowned, inside my head.

I’ve seen a love, that’s as warm as the sun
It touched the heart and the soul of everyone
A graceful self that was clear to its shine
An inspiration, but I’m so, far behind

I know I’m blind so I can’t see
That I’m a prisoner so I’m not free
That a change now must surely come
That if I conquer myself, I will be done

Picture by Piotr Antonow