Thus I Wrote

What colours to you see
Can you see the whole of me
Can you see my rainbow above
A spectrum from hate to love

What colours do you see
Theres more than one or two or three
Don’t look at just the dark colours that dwell
Look for the beautiful bright colours as well

What colours do you see
Do you want to change the dark in me?
But  look at one colour too long
You may be blind to the rest and be wrong

Do you want to fix this?
Or is it too late?
Is your heart too wounded
Behind your locked gate?
These words are a key
To open my heart to you
Will you do unto me
What you would have me do unto you?

I walked in your shoes
To understand your fears
I learned from mistakes
That I made down the years
To sing together
We must choose the same tune
Will you do unto me
What you would have me do unto you?

I will support you
And always be there
Be patient, be loyal
I’ll cherish and share
I’ll stop and listen
And have fun with you
Will you do unto me
What you would have me do unto you?

I’ll create peace
And protect you from strife
I’ll give you love
To light up your life
I will forgive you
For a mistake or two
Will you do unto me
What you would have me do unto you?

I’ll make you feel valued
For all that you do
And not demand more
Than you feel able to do
I’ll help you grow
And help you push through
Will you do unto me
What you would have me do unto you?

I loved your beauty
I loved your smile
I loved your heart
I loved your style
But you have a well
That needs filling up
I guess my heart
Just wasn’t big enough

I loved your humour
I loved your spirit
I loved your cooking
And the love you put in it
But you have a well
That needs filling up
I guess my heart
Just wasn’t big enough

I loved the events
That you loved to put on
I loved your good nature
And courage you call on
But you have a well
That needs filling up
I guess my heart
Just wasn’t big enough

Well, I depend
On you, my friend
Many times, we’ve stayed up drinking
Many times, we’ve shared our thoughts
But do you really know me
Do you know the thoughts I’ve got

Do you know I have a love
For everyone I know
I have a lust for life
To live and not let go
But sometimes I feel alone
Something rises up inside
It eats at my heart
And it darkens my mind

A dark demon
Stalks my dreams
(A dark demon
Stalks my dreams)
I need a love
To save me
From this dark demon…

Come, now take my hand
Together let’s make a stand
I’ll be your port
In the storm
When it’s cold
I’ll keep you warm
I hope we find peace
And love lights up our lives
And shines forever
Our saviour inside

(From…)This dark demon
Stalking our dreams
(This dark demon
Stalking our dreams)
We need a love
To save us
From this dark demon…

This is based on an earlier poem I wrote of the same name but more recently inspired by the song “I See a Darkness” by Will Oldham. The Johnny Cash cover version especially. I like the metaphor of the dark demon and of love casting out the demons as Christ did in the bible. He used love to banish fear. I have no particular allegiance to religion but the stories form a powerful backdrop to our culture and resonate with me. I see them as useful and powerful metaphors.

I’m in the cage
The cage of age
The signals I see
Are not for me
The flesh still willing
But no function fulfilling
While she flirts and pouts
She leaves nothing to doubt

Her body states
I can procreate
She dresses to show
How her body flows
With subliminal power
To strike in her hour
She flirts and pouts
She leaves nothing to doubt

So much imagery
In a democracy
To grab attention and sell
To cast a spell
It’s nature’s power
The sweet hiding sour
She flirts and pouts
She leaves nothing to doubt

So much energy
In a democracy
Wasted in control
Protecting the whole
When past the junction
When form shows declining function
She still flirts and pouts
She leaves nothing to doubt

I see ghosts of late
From scenes I’ve played
The haunting of familiar faces
In familiar places

I see ghosts of late
In the well of my emotional state
The pricking of past emotion
The lessons of past devotion

I see ghosts of late
From loving relationships I’ve made
From mother and father
From sons and daughters
From wives and lovers
From sisters and brothers
From the friends who stayed
Among the ghosts I see of late

I see ghosts of late
Whispering of changes to date
The waves that rise and fall
The victories big and small
The turning of the earth
The renewal of life and death
All that shapes my fate
In the ghosts I see of late

I see ghosts of late
Part of the man I’ve made
They don’t go they wait
With me till that silent gate….

I think about giving and taking
And that which I have forsaken
In the past I gave in hope
To fertilise a union needing growth
Today I find I’m in deficit
With my happiness a forfeit
I gave too much without a deal
And for too long did I kneel
Too much hope and too little vision
So now I have less after division
Maybe it would’ve been more brave to say no
Maybe it would’ve been better earlier to go
Maybe I should’ve never given a ring
But they say that hindsight’s a wonderful thing

I stayed and hoped for better days
Finding now the bitter parting ways
But I did raise a child fully grown
And I gave her family a loving home
Now all is lost under blame in time
And lonely scapegoat sorrow is mine
For long I could glimpse this fate
And I worked hard to avoid this date
But like gravity I fell from grace
Into this dark and loveless place
So now I process it all in rhyme
To help me heal and love in time

I see ghosts of late
Judging my fate
The haunting of familiar faces
In familiar places
The pricking of past emotion
The memories of past devotion

I see ghosts of late
(As I contemplate)
Of son and daughters
Of mother and father
Of sister and brothers
Of wives and lovers

I see ghosts of late
(In my emotional state)
Of wishes and regret
Of victories others forget
Of the turning of the earth
Of life and of death

Two lovers sit on a concrete floor
She is distraught
He is concerned
Love is in the air
Will they make it?
…My coffee grows cold

A husband and wife waltz slowly
With one hand she takes the money
With the other she slaps his face
Tells him “not good enough”
Too much head
Not enough heart
…My coffee grows cold

His emotions churn from white to black
From love to hate
From compassion to anger
He has been rejected
He feels dejected
…My coffee grows cold

68% of divorces filed by women
Its the norm
In this day and age
Too busy to pay enough attention
Ignoring all the bumps on the road
Death by a thousand small cuts
…My coffee grows cold

I see ghosts
The haunting of familiar faces
In familiar places
The pricking of past emotion
Of daughters and son
Of past lovers and losses
Of victories and failures
Of sister and brothers
Of father and mother
As I approach
The focus gets sharper
The love is sifted
And turned over
…My coffee grows cold

I am truly free when I’m alone.
To be with someone
Requires I give to someone
Requires rules to interact with someone
I can be truly free but also truly alone

A relationship includes constant negotiation of the rules of engagement
Divorce recognises the end of such negotiation
The point in time when you decide to give no more of yourself