Thus I Wrote

Released November 25, 2015

I was alone
She had three
We came to battle
To divide and be free
I was well prepared
I knew all the law
My case was just
But with a hidden flaw

I looked from this end
To our loving start
Then a tide washed over me
And I fell apart

He took it all down
Brick by brick
Stone by stone
And stick by stick
He laid it all out
Who gave what to whom
I gave a better split
In that functional room

Because I looked from this end
To our loving start
Then a tide washed over me
And I fell apart

It died on the vine
Our joined family
Blown away by the force
Of factional uncertainty
When I held my line
And I didn’t concede
She withdrew from me
To punish my deed

I looked from this end
To our loving start
Then a tide washed over me
And I fell apart

There is a pain
Worse than a knife
It uses my head
It runs my life
It is a desert
A loneliness deep
I long for a quest
And a dreamless sleep

I looked from this end
To our loving start
Then a tide washed over me
And I fell apart

I had a choice when I raised my voice
I forgot I loved you
I was in my head, Too aloof you said
I forgot I loved you

You couldn’t predict, the actions I picked
You thought I didn’t love you
We disagreed, we wouldn’t concede
You thought I didn’t love you

In the mirror I see, a change in me
Dorian Gray
In the dark I chase, the love I misplaced
Dorian Gray

I was not true, I was hidden from view
I forgot I loved you
I kept my options open, but your trust was broken
I forgot I loved you

You thought the worst, that you didn’t come first
You thought I didn’t love you
You read the signs, I didn’t know were mine
You thought I didn’t love you

In the mirror I see, a change in me
Dorian Gray
In the dark I chase, the love I misplaced
Dorian Gray

I didn’t smile, for too long a while
I forgot I loved you
I didn’t tell you all, so you built a wall’
I forgot I loved you

You cry and begin, to count all my sins
You thought I didn’t love you
You cast the last stone, you want me to atone
You thought I didn’t love you

You crossed the line, you took what was mine
I thought you didn’t love me
Your words cut deep, you said its what I reap
I thought you didn’t love me

In the mirror I see, a change in me
Dorian Gray
In the dark I chase, the love I misplaced
Dorian Gray

You were my first love
I didn’t know it then
I was a bundle of energy
And uncertainty when,
I kissed your face
And I wanted too much
Distracted by others
That I needed to touch.

You’re in my thoughts
I always compare
I always wonder
If I had you there
But I was uncertain
I had too much fear
That left me blind
And let no one near.

You married a man
Who gave up his life
To adore and cherish you
His life, was his wife
I could not give so
Too selfish, I guess
My tunnel vision
In your eyes made me less.

I’m a bit of a loner
Only giving so much
I don’t want to be alone
But accept it as such.
I love in my way
But am drawn to understand
The futility of why?
These cards in my hand?

I find few truths
But love is one, clear
That which we give
And those we hold dear
I’ve studied my fears
Helped by wise men
And now is there time?
For me to love again?

I saw my father
In the mirror today
I said yesterday
What he might say
And I wore a black hat
To hide my grey hair
As I run too fast
From a life not fair

It is what it is
But what does it mean?
I’m an ignorant part
Of a greater machine
I can see the end coming
I’ll try not to stare
As I run too fast
From a life not fair

We’re in this together
So I’m not unique
It’s not an advantage
Or a favour I seek
We’re all alone
When our lives laid bare
We run too fast
From a life not fair.

I held someone’s hand
And made somebody smile
I forgot where I was going
At least for a while
Its good to be needed
And have someone to care
As we run too fast
From a life not fair.

You are my boundary
You are my quest
You are my reason
To be my best
I compete with you
And cooperate too
But I know I’m nothing…
Nothing without you

You are the air
That I breathe in
You are the water
Caressing my skin
I know that loving you
Is all I find true
But I know I’m nothing…
Nothing without you

You are the fire
That keeps me warm
You are the earth
My protection from harm
I know your leaving me
Will be so hard to do
I know I am nothing…
Nothing without you

I remember my father as he lay there waiting
In his bed of white and gold
He held my hand and he looked in my eyes
He said ” Now, it’s my time to go”
He said “I’ve worked all of my life to give to you
And now I can’t give any more
So take your place and make your own space
Remember my love while you’re in the race
And give yourself… Give yourself to the world”

I watched my mother as she laughed through a story
Of her childhood long ago
She held my hand and she looked in my eyes
She said “I want you to know”
She said “I’ve spent all of my life in loving you
And I could not have loved any more
So take your place and make your own space
Remember my love while you’re in the race
And give yourself… Give yourself to the world”

I sat with my family for a Christmas or birthday
That mark the passing of our days
We joke and we laugh and we enjoy the moment
And later I reflect but don’t say
That we don’t know tomorrow, but we’re on the same journey
And this is how we hold hands on the way
So we take our place and we make our own space
We love each other while we’re in the race
And we give ourselves….We give ourselves to the world.

I told a joke
And it was misunderstood
I did not play the social games
As well as many others could
I worried about the future
I weighed all in my head
I left much undone
I left much unsaid

I pushed the world
And the world it punched back
It cycled and it swirled
It changed from white to black
I bow to the collective
To the secular unseen hand
To the arbiter of what’s effective
Of who falls and who stands

I asked why
But alone no answer came
So I studied some wise men
But the answer was still the same
I’m a drop in the ocean blue
I’m a leaf in the forest green
I miss the God I knew
I miss the love I’ve seen

How did we find
Ourselves on different sides?
What started as a join
Is now a chasm wide
I wish that I could hold you
Like when our love was new
But our demands they were too many
And our gifts they were too few

I drew an eight
When I needed a Jack
You gotta play the hand you’re dealt
Cos there’s no use looking back
I love to play
And I’ll never fold
I’ll play a better way
With the cards I hold

Can we fix this?
Or is it too late?
Is your heart too wounded
Behind your locked gate?
I try in my way
To open my heart to you
Will you do unto me
As you would have me do unto you?

I have walked in your shoes
To study your fears
I’ve learned from wise men
And my mistakes down the years
To sing together
I’ve often played to your tune
Will you do unto me
As you would have me do unto you?

I have many colours
Not just black or white
Sometimes I’ve strayed into the dark
But I strive for the light
I will forgive you
A mistake or two
Will you do unto me
As you would have me do unto you?

The early seeds sown
So shaped our hearts
In that tangle grown
So shaped our start
I would not ask you
For more than you could do
Will you do unto me
As you would have me do unto you?

I hope you find peace
And a haven from strife
I offer you my love
To light up your life
I offer you grace
And to always be true
Will you do unto me
As you would have me do unto you?

I’m in the eye of the storm
I’m in the deadening calm
I see tomorrow’s form
I hear tomorrow’s psalm
I find I am now apart
I have no hand to hold
I’m a self aware art
A wonder to behold

In the stillness I forgive
The futility of why
The loneliness of live
The inevitability of die
I’m a drop in the ocean blue
I’m a leaf in the forest green
I miss the God I knew
I miss the love I’ve seen

I search for a reason
My soul to drive
Without hunger’s treason
I’m not fully alive
I stand on the shoulders
Of those gone before
I’m a baton holder
From past to future’s door

I bow to the collective
The secular unseen hand
The arbiter of my perspective
The creator of my commands
The connector of those giving
To those who are needing
The cutter from the living
In one cut or slowly bleeding

I was a sandman
In my desert home
I was a searching man
For a direction I roamed
I consider the lilies
As they wave in the field
They bravely ignore Achilles
They bravely trust and yield