Thus I Wrote

We want to feel we matter
To connect and serve with feeling
As we run up that hill
Looking for a meaning

How do we know we exist?
How do we know we’re alive?
How many people do we need to tell us
Before we accept we have arrived?

We’re together in this room
But only some can see the elephant
In the truth of everyday experience
We compete to be relevant

There are 14 Billion years before us
And we get 80 years or so
We stutter briefly on the stage
We flicker briefly and then we go

Wise men have worked to show us
We are leaves in the forest green
On our own we have little significance
In the playing of life’s great scene

We’re together in this room
But only some can see the elephant
In the truth of everyday experience
We compete to be relevant

Some ignorance may be a virtue
That many find unexpected
The truth is in life’s experience
And not in its meaning dissected

In the end our focus shifts
To those we love and what we’re giving
And while we’ve something to share
There’s still a relevance to our living

We’re together in this room
But only some can see the elephant
In the truth of everyday experience
While we share, we are relevant

Inspired by the Birdman film

Hey little darling
What’s that you say
Your mother’s a fish?
And she just swam away?

I looked for you
Through the veil of my tears
But I couldn’t see you
Through the smoke of my fears

As I lay dying
I thought of you,
Of all the things I wanted
And all that I didn’t do

But it’s not all about you
To be human is to share
Can you open your mind?
And see what is fair

We have desires and secrets
That we forgot we had
We tried to bury them
But they still smelled bad

As I lay dying
I thought of you,
Of all the things I wanted
And all that I didn’t do

We have desires and secrets
That buried us alive
That killed the intimacy
Our love needs to survive

In my life I have drifted
Between the earth and the sky
My life’s quest a balance
Between the us and the I

As I lay dying
I thought of you,
Of all the things I wanted
And all that I didn’t do

Inspired by As i Lay Dying by William Faulkner

Little Cancer
I’ve got my eye on you
You’ve got big ideas
What’re you gonna do?

Little Cancer
You killed 12 today
All that hurt & pain now
What’re you trying to say?

You can’t live all on your own
You will die before you are grown

Little Cancer,
You’ve taken drugs since birth
And to feed your habit
You must scorch the earth

Little Cancer
We cannot fear you
You’re black with hate now
Can we ever reach you?

You can’t live all on your own
You will die before you are grown

Little Cancer
We will unite to defend
Our right to speak and
Our right to grow & blend

Little Cancer
You may have killed a part
But we hold hands together
To feed the light in our hearts

You can’t live all on your own
You will die before you are grown

I hear the rain fall
I see the cloudy moon
Will I ever love again?

I see you call
Across a crowded room
Will i ever love again?

But who am I?
And what can I give?
Will I ever love again?

Who will hear my cry
“I need your love to live”?
Will I ever love again?

Will I ever love again,
Oh no, not I
Will I ever love again?
Oh no, not I
I’m on my own
From the seeds I’ve sown
Will I ever love again?

I see a dark ocean swell
Below a raging nimbus sky
Will I ever love again?

Will I ever love again,
Oh no, not I
Will I ever love again?
Oh no, not I
I’m on my own
From the seeds I’ve sown
Will I ever love again?

I’m a ghost
Have I died?
I’m a ghost
Floating on the outside

I’m in neutral
I’m just coasting my way
I’m in neutral
I’ve been hurt..ok?

My darling, I have tried
To give you love
But it all went to hell
Between the rock below and the hard place above
Not enough love
Not enough understanding
Not enough forgiveness
And too much demanding

I’m a ghost
Have I died?
I’m a ghost
Floating on the outside

My darling I’ll try
To give you love
Because I’m your Dad
When push comes to shove…
You need enough love
You need enough understanding
Enough forgiveness
And less demanding

I’m crossing
To the other side
I’m in a new gear
To begin a new ride

I was hungry
I was hungry for your love
I was hungry
I was hungry for your love

I saw your face
I saw your lips
I saw the line of your body
And the sway of your hips

I moved up and down
On the edge of sin
I held my breath
And then I pushed on in

I held you
I held you in my arms
I held you
I held you in my arms

I saw you laugh
I felt your belly move
The smell of you
Was a sweet perfume

I moved up and down
On the edge of sin
I held my breath
And then I pushed on in

I don’t need no desert
To know I’m in the wilderness
I don’t need no burning bush
Telling me to pray or confess
I don’t need no lamb of God
Talking about redemption or sin
No, I’ve been knocking on that door
I need someone to let me in

I don’t need no politician
To take me by the hand
Or to part the economy
With some magical command
I don’t need no rich man’s advice
From the wave he’s floating in
No, I’ve been knocking on that door
I need someone to let me in

I don’t need no market
To tell me what I’m worth
I just want to compete
To serve and to work
Sometimes you need help and the right wave
Before you can win
So I’ll keep knocking on that door
Until someone lets me in

I’ve heard enough about the failures
That have put me on my knees
I’ve examined every one of them
And I’m improving by degrees
It’s been a lesson in humility
But I’ll take it on the chin
And I’ll keep knocking on that door
Until someone lets me in

My glass is half full
As I learn what they teach
I see lights of opportunites
But they’re still out of reach
They say that in every fall
There’s a seed of a rise therein
So I’ll keep knocking on that door
Until someone lets me in.

Well, you’re my friend…
And can you see…
But do you…do you know me
Do you know the thoughts I’ve got.
Do you know I have a love
For everyone I know
And I have a lust for life
I want to to live and not let go
But there are times I feel alone
And something rises up inside
It eats at my heart
And it darkens my mind

And then a dark demon
Stalks my dreams
And then a dark demon
Stalks my dreams
I need a love
To save me
From this dark demon…

Well come, now take my hand
And together let’s make a stand
I’ll be your port
In the storm
And when it’s cold
You’ll keep you warm
I hope we find peace
And love lights up our lives
And shines forever
Our saviour inside

From this dark demon
That stalks our dreams
From this dark demon
That stalks our dreams
We need a love
To save us
From this dark demon…

This is based on an earlier poem I wrote of the same name but more recently inspired by the song “I See a Darkness” by Will Oldham…the Johnny Cash cover version especially. I like the metaphor of the dark demon and of love casting out the demons as Christ did in the bible. He used love to banish fear. I have no particular allegiance to religion but the stories form a powerful backdrop to our culture and resonate with me. I see them as useful and powerful metaphors.

And so it came to pass
We had lunch, God and me
The conversation began to flow
As we relaxed over coffee

God then stroked his beard
And he waited with good grace
As I struggled with my question
He looked kindly on my face

So why are we here?
The human race, I clarified
He thought and stirred his coffee,
Cleared his throat and then replied.

I created this Universe
14 billion years ago
I created all the laws
But how it ends I do not know

The truth is in experience
And in competition’s push
In sharing and connecting
In creating and love’s rush

God then stroked his beard
And he waited with good grace
As I struggled with my question
He looked kindly on my face

So why create this Universe?
Or others, I clarified
He thought and stirred his coffee
Cleared his throat and then replied.

To create independent life
And have someone to share
There is a lot of space
To have no one else there.

We are all connected
And all part of the same
In a circle that goes round
In an endless game

God then stroked his beard
And he waited with good grace
As I struggled with my question
He looked kindly on my face

The sun shines down
On the road you choose
As you bounce along
In your high heeled shoes

Would you value my compliment?
On your look and your style?
Would you feel a thrill?
As you return my smile?

You make me feel alive
You make me feel something good
I can feel my heart beating
I feel it pumping blood

You live in the moment
So sure of your needs
You wield your beauty
As you surf with ease

What can I offer you?
Do I have what you desire?
Can I make you happy?
For longer than a while?

You make me feel alive
You make me feel something good
I can feel my heart beating
I feel it pumping blood