Thus I Wrote

Dare I eat a peach?
Dare I cut my hair?
Shall I buy a new suit?
Something fashionable to wear?

Shall I dance again?
Those musical steps
But shall I learn to tango?
Now more structure is best

Shall I travel again
To see new lands?
With whom shall I talk ?
With whom shall I plan?

I walk on the beach
With the tide coming in
I see the white waves
With the surfers jumping

Like a sirens song
Do they call to me?
To run and join them
With seaweed in the sea?

I’m losing the luxury of anger
My childish tantrums now are few
I must be dignified and courteous
I must be patient in all I do

It’s a shock to see the world
Like a rose with its petals torn
I can see the functionality
But it’s less pretty and more forlorn

I lift the carpet for beauty
Because kindness is not everywhere
But I will be kind in my way
And maybe I’ll make the world care

I know being kind to a stranger
Is not logical at first sight
But it helps to make the world better
And somehow feels about right

We’re on this journey together
Let’s hold hands while it’s light
We’re on this journey together
In your eyes my reflection’s bright

Your words explode in my head
And I freeze with pain…
My stomach’s in a knot
And I’m back here again

Like a knife on a taut rope
Back and forth until I fall
Into the lonely darkness
Surrounded by a dark wall

Such warmth and such joy
You offer on a good day
But on a dark day a knife
That makes me hurt & pay
That makes me lose myself
And my demons to recover
Who take my voice
Who launch and takeover..

Your every word an arrow
Shot true and sharp
Cut through my defence
And straight into my heart

I was slow and feeble
Against your rapier thrusts
Before I knew where I was
I was hooked on unjust
I had responded
In a battle I did not choose
And it was a battle
That I would always lose

You force a crisis
You ignore my pleas
You parry my defence
You thrust and seize
Your satisfaction prize
You see my wound bleed
You see me hurt silent
“Oh Stay… let me feed…”
You think “Its your fault
By all that you do,
I forget my pain
By inflicting it on you”.

And so I withdraw
To let my wounds heal
To analyse and to write
To process what I feel

Grey limestone celtic cross
Grey cold autumn day
Leafless trees sway
And crows fly away

Is this my only monument?
As this cold silence bleeds
Above where the worms breed?
Where the earth waits to feed?

Is there no love?
A transaction of give and take
No forgiveness for our sins
And so our hearts just break

Is this the autumn?
A foreboding of winter ahead
The life and colours of Summer
All now blown and fled.

Red hair and green ivy
Brown freckles and laughing play
My childhood full of light
I remember it that way

The river and the green fields
The ocean and the seaweed
I lived by the sea when I was young
On a farm where the animals feed

The pig and the yearly killing
The blood and the community
My mother always cried inside
So they could not see

Brown corduroy and cropped hair
A shy and worried smile
Different and often alone
Punch was a frightening trial

Incence and fancy dress
The magic of the feast
Enthralled by the church
I could have been a priest

Her blue eyes and blonde hair
I love memories of this
I was so ignorant of life
But she gave me first kiss

I love the beauty of symmetry
Out of chaos ordered in a row
Buildings with the right proportions
The reason why I don’t know

I love the beauty of women
Their feline movement and grace
I could watch them forever as
Emotions move across their face

I love the beauty of nature
Where form and function are one
The colours and the cycles
Here today and tomorrow gone

There is beauty in music
In books and paintings too
In films and in good food
In the work that man can do

With beauty we choose a mate
And we choose where to live
We choose how we work
And the gifts we choose to give.

With beauty we create
Works of art to leave behind
Our way to reach each other
And to light up mankind

He’s a man
I can identify with him
I can feel him
Deep in my gut within

He smells the air
Like the wolf he prowls
When he smells his prey
He stalks and howls

He’s a warrior
Who cuts with his knife
To protect his home
And provide for his wife

He knows when to play
And when to fight
And when to join
And when a loner is right

In his soul
There is a ‘meaning’ need
And this can drive him on
To a good or evil deed

(These new commandments take the basics for living

Such as “do not steal or do not kill” as given)

 

1. Seek your purpose and find the right place in the world for you.
Accept with patience when you are lost or waiting for your turn to do.
Understand this is true for others as it is true for you.

2. Accept that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.

3. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

4. Be effective. Choose the action that allows the most good to shine through.

5. Manage yourself. Manage your fears or they will manage you.
Manage your body with good food and exercise to refresh it anew.
Manage your mind with whatever works for you.

6. Love your family. Show your love all day long.
Create a foundation of love, laughter, security and trust for your family to grow strong.

7. Provide. Develop your talents and what you can give.
While you have something to share you will never be alone as long as you live.

8. Be humble. Remember your mind is small, so fill it with the right things.
Fix your own faults before you try to fix those that others bring.

9. Live. Live each moment as if it was your last.
Challenge life and be different from the past.

10.Accept that there are no answers as to why…don’t waste time in search or fright.
Burn bright each day before the night.

I welcome any comments on the above. I have collected these based on my journey and accept that they may not resonate with others. I would be interested to hear of any other views.

Fears grow in the dark
Buried and out of sight
But they will shrivel
When brought into the light

Fears are part of us
To make us more effective
If we let them drain us
They’ll make us more defective

Fears may be demons
To possess our minds
But love will cast them out
To leave clarity behind

We don’t need the fire
Or the brimstone of hell
We’ve found something
That will do just as well
We fear its all seeing eye
Will observe us if we sin
And we fear the penance that
Our transgressions will bring
We don’t need prayer
We can telephone our plea
And we don’t need God
We’ve got CCTV

We don’t need confession
We’ve another ceremony
We now explore our guilt
On the couch with therapy
We don’t need the bible
We’ve so many laws
And self-help books
To help fix our flaws
We’ve come so far since
Moses parted the Red Sea
So we don’t need God
We’ve got CCTV

We asked God for meaning
But silence is all we hear
We may feel empty
And be filled with fear
We may be seduced by
Evil leaders and religious lies
With evil manipulation
Wrapped in a meaningful disguise
We may commit many sins
By what they decree
To replace God’s meaning
Unseen by CCTV

I’m not afraid of death
I’ve heard the siren song
Of distraction and deception
And indiffererence for so long

I’m not afraid of death
I’ve spat in its eye
I counted out the bullets
But I did not cry

I’m not afraid of death
I’ve spat in its eye
I pulled the trigger
But I did not die

I’m not afraid of death
I will not know
The earth will stay
But I will go

I’m not afraid of death
I know not the hour
I tense and I flinch
Under its dark power

I’m not afraid of death
The spectre of decay
Losing independence
And the strength to share

I’m not afraid of death
The pull of that dark abyss
Will it be slow?
Or sudden and swift?

I’m not afraid of death
My turn in the sun
The end is not my will
But an unknown will be done

I’m not afraid of death
I’ve spat in its eye
I counted out the bullets
But I did not cry

I’m not afraid of death
I’ve spat in its eye
I pulled the trigger
But I did not die