Thus I Wrote

I walk down the pavement
And I sit down inside
I get a hot coffee and a warm croissant
And then I start swimming against the tide

I’m reaching out
I’m trying to connect
I don’t know what’s next
I’m trying to connect

Aah…This is me now

It’s a new day
And the sun is streaming hot
I forget the story in the stars
Cos nobody knows the plot
I was raised on a promise
It was whispered in the wind
It said “Give all you’ve got
And nobody can say that you’ve sinned”

I’m reaching out
I’m trying to connect

I don’t need to be rescued
I just need you to be there
I’m reaching out for something
Something we can share
But there’s too much noise, You can’t hear me
And there’s a haze, So we can’t see
I’m still outside, Your comfort zone
And when you don’t understand, I feel more alone

I’m reaching out
I don’t know what’s next
I’m reaching out
I’m trying to connect

Aah…This is me now

I created a song from my original poem and changed it in the process as often happens.

Trying to Connect (previously released as I Heard The Skylark).

Released February 21, 2016

Nothing else exists now, even death is spurned
My raging silent storm will scorch and burn
Heaven hath no rage like love to hatred turned
Nor Hell a Fury, like a Woman scorned.

The promises we made as we faced each other
I offered my mind and my body to you
Our lives we joined as we faced each other
I offered to cherish and to love you

Ah. . . Look at me now, 14 years later
Was my beauty wasted on you?
Ah. . . Look at me now, 14 years later
Was my love wasted on you?

Who will give me justice for this affair?
Why did you cheat and lie with her?
Did I not love and cherish you more ?
Is my fading beauty not enough anymore?

I stare into a future on a lonely shelf
I cry with grief and I hold on to myself
I was beginning to like the self I had learned
But now doubts and questions have returned

Ah. . . Look at me now, 14 years later
Was my beauty wasted on you?
Ah. . . Look at me now, 14 years later
Was my love wasted on you?

Nothing else exists now, even death is spurned
My raging silent storm will scorch and burn
Heaven hath no rage like love to hatred turned
Nor Hell a Fury, like a Woman scorned.

The promises we made as we faced each other
I offered my beauty and my body to you
Our lives we joined as we faced each other
I offered to cherish and to love you

Ah. . . Look at me now, 14 years together
All that time gone, my beauty wasted on you
Ah. . . Look at me now, 14 years together
All that time gone, my love wasted on you

Oh the grief. . .my loneliness learned
Oh the grief. . .my stomach churned
Heaven has no Rage, like Love to Hatred turned
Nor Hell a Fury, like a Woman scorned.

Why?. . . did I not love you enough?
Why?. . . did I not cherish you enough?
Why?. . . did I not provide enough?
Why?. . . was I not exciting enough?

Ah. . . Look at me now, 14 years together
All that time gone, my beauty wasted on you
Ah. . . Look at me now, 14 years together
All that time gone, my love wasted on you

Oh the anguish. . . my life has turned
Oh the anguish. . . my future spurned
Heaven has no Rage, like Love to Hatred turned
Nor Hell a Fury, like a Woman scorned.

No justice for the death of love in this affair
For the death of confidence, no it’s all not fair
What God had joined now wrenched apart and left bare
With a world cold and silent without care

Oh. . . Look at me now, 14 years together
All that time gone, my beauty wasted on you
Oh. . . Look at me now, 14 years together
All that time gone, my love wasted on you

I ain’t seen you around here lately
It’s been a while since we loved way back then
We both tried and I know that we’ve been hurt greatly
We talked for while until you said when
…I walked away and I thought again

We’re looking for meaning
….Looking for meaning
We’ve asked the moon and we’ve asked the sun
We’re looking for meaning
….Looking for meaning
We’ve searched in the face of everyone

I sat by the ocean and I wanted it to take me
To where mermaids and Leviathan sleep
Beneath the rolling, crashing white waves
Into the quiet and the darkness of the deep,
…there to find the answers that I seek

We’re looking for meaning
….Looking for meaning
As Autumn leaves blow from the trees
We’re looking for meaning
….Looking for meaning
We chase mermaids in the rolling grey seas

The stars were turning and the earth was shifting
While seasons spoke of renewal and rebirth
I found my gift and I felt something lifting
I sowed some seeds & I pulled some weeds from the earth
…And I moved with the turning of the Earth

We’re looking for meaning
….Looking for meaning
I sowed some seeds & I pulled some weeds from the earth
We’re looking for meaning
….Looking for meaning
I moved with the turning of the Earth.

 

I move over shimmering waters,
I see my refection in the deep.
I create what I thought was good,
I sow what I thought I’d reap.
I hear a trumpet sound,
At dawn on a lonely hill.
I see a white bird flying south,
As a lion feeds on its kill.

I see a baby born,
All crying and bloody red.
With his mother’s hair matted,
As she sleeps in her lonely bed.
I dig deep in the earth,
All wet, sticky and black.
I am soaked by the rain,
But I will never turn back.

I see my love measured out,
Into fine, crystal glasses.
All handed out anxiously,
To the next person who passes.
I see my hands rise,
As the rain falls from the sky.
And the mud on my forearms shakes,
With every screaming cry….

I see the sun rise
And fall to the earth again
I see the leaves grow and die
In a forest that still remains
In the evening I await,
The white bird to fly
I’m in need of forgiveness,
And the peace it can buy.

Act 1

It’s a stormy night
But the balcony is dry
I can hear the rain falling
I can see the clouds fly
I drink my whisky down
It warms my gut
Her red dress is wet
And her eyes are shut

We hear the music float
From the streets below
And she smiles and she sways
And she dances real slow
As I watch her move
I feel my blood rise
I wait till she’s ready
And she opens her eyes

Well…I must have been crazy
She had a troubled past
But she’s so beautiful
I forget it couldn’t last

“Dance with me Baby”
“This is our night”
And she holds out her arms
In the pale moonlight

Act 2

She finds me again
She’d gone missing for a while
She has a bottle of whisky
And her “kiss-me” smile
I feel the whisky burn
All the way down
I can see the dawn is breaking
Over this forgotten town

She takes off her red dress
I can see her new tattoos
And I was nearly falling
And losing myself anew

I said “I loved you once
But its all over now…”
“Oh”, She said “Please hold me
Because I need you now…”

Act 3

The sweat runs its journey
Slowly down my back
As I sit in a bar
Way off the beaten track
The music hangs in the air
The sea crashes nearby
He said “Have another whisky…
Now tell me…why?”

“Well…her vulnerable beauty
Was her siren song
And it pulled me in
From the ship I was on
We went in fast on a ride
That was wild and strong
And she forgot her demons
But it was not for long

And it felt like love
’Til things began to break
I thought I was enough
But that was my mistake

She hid her strong will
Deep in her vulnerability
I was broken on the rocks
Hidden in her stormy sea…”

Act 4

I finished my song
To a little applause
It was long past midnight
And it felt a lost cause
I packed my Martin guitar
With its Baggs pickup
She gave them to me
Long after our breakup

She took one of my names
But she spelt it wrong
She only ever wanted
To sing her song
And she sacrificed all
With talent and brand
Until the world chose her
With an invisible hand

Well…she’s famous now
But I’m hurt by the calculation
Of all the steps she buried
Under her infatuation

I’m lonely sometimes
With my choice to be free
My fire ain’t as hot
But it belongs to me

I cross the river at its ford
My cloak hides my head from the world
I cross the river at its ford
My cloak hides my head from the world

I follow the raven through twisted hills
I’m weary but I must travel still
I follow the raven through twisted hills
I’m weary but I must travel still

Is this a strange destiny that brings me here
Or do I run from something that I fear
Is this a strange destiny that brings me here
Or do I run from something that I fear

I kneel and I pray to a God I don’t know
I wait for the rain and the thunder to go
I kneel and I pray to a God I don’t know
I wait for the rain and the thunder to go

I find pure water and a single green tree
And the sun also shines in the sky for me
I find pure water and a single green tree
And the sun also shines in the sky for me

Is this a strange destiny that brings me here
Or do I run from something that I fear
Is this a strange destiny that brings me here
Or do I run from something that I fear

I stood at the cross of two great roads
With the dew rising in the morning
And I offered up all that I hold
With the dew rising in the morning

And the earth it moved
And the wind it blew
There is still time to forgive
And the seeds they flew
And the trees they grew
There is still time to forgive

The wine on her lips was red from the sun
That shone on her in the morning
Oh she was my love under the sun
That shone on her in the morning

And the earth it moved
And the wind it blew
There is still time to forgive
And the seeds they flew
And the trees they grew
There is still time to forgive

Her lash on my skin, it cut and broke through
In the fading light of the evening
And the blood I let run to sow something new
In the fading light of the evening

And the earth it moved
And the wind it blew
There is still time to forgive
And the seeds they flew
And the trees they grew
There is still time to forgive

Is this how we love?
Is this how we live?
And is there still time to forgive?
Is this how we love?
Is this how we live?
And is there still time to forgive?

Look in the mirror
And kiss yourself
Take your arms
And hold yourself

You were beautiful then
Behind the tattoos
You were beautiful then
Behind the abuse

You took it to the limit
You did all you could
You felt it too much
Much more than we would

You were not stupid
But not that smart
Maybe for wisdom
This is a large part

And all those smart people
They don’t do much
Good parts in a machine
It seems as such

They wanted a bee
In a beehive mind
But all you are now
Is all you’ve left behind