Thus I Wrote

Later I will rationalise
Today I will mourn
Later I will dance
Today I will be forlorn
Later I will forgive
Today I will rage
Later I will be grown up
Today I will be a child’s age
Later I will laugh again
Today I will cry
Later I will understand
Today I will ask why

They were young and beautiful
Those who died
Their happy faces haunt me
I felt impotent as I cried
I want to rage
Because it was so unfair
I want to scream
And rip myself bare
I want to lash out
And kill them in their lair
I want retribution
For atrocities committed there

Drugged on a twisted cult
They were young and black with hate
Dehumanised by cherry picked images
Their reason immobilised by rage
They wanted to believe the lies
To exchange loneliness and alienation
For the brotherhood of a cause
For glory and eternal salvation
They sacrificed themselves
To kill like a machine
They will never know the lies
Or know what it all means

They are a cancer
Rising in the Middle East
It sounds old medieval
It smells of the Beast
They have shown the world
They can sow brutal seeds
But much more food is needed
For an effective society to feed
We believe in our secular society
Where love and peace can grow clear
We will stand together
We weep but will never fear

I’m certainly glad to see you,
You look so graceful and elegant,
In your lilac, silk dress.
I see you have a golden aura,
I hear your voice is full of money,
Among the tea, cake and flowers..yes
And the white drapes they rose,
On the wind from the sea.
I was lost in their billowing,
And their seductive revelry.
You’re my light in the distance,
You’re my hope and you’re my goal.
You’re my light in the distance,
I feel you pull at my soul.

And the band began to play,
As they cleared the tables away,
For the glittering young things.
They laughed and they danced,
In their sparkling dresses,
And their sparkling diamond rings.
But we left in secret,
To a secret garden tree.
And under the twinkling lights,
I kissed you and you kissed me.
You’re my light in the distance,
You’re my hope and you’re my goal.
You’re my light in the distance,
I feel you pull at my soul.

My hope and my wonder,
Drove me all my life
On a ride wild and fast.
But I was swimming against a current,
That was bearing me ceaselessly,
Back into my past.
And one by one my lights went out,
I was broken up like glass.
Upon the hard, cold malice,
Of your cruel and careless class.
You’re my light in the distance,
But I was drowned in your entourage.
You’re my light in the distance,
But you were a shimmering mirage.

In the silence of other voices
We spoke to each other quietly
In the dark my body cries out
It longs for you nightly

We have fears and uncertainties
In our past we have regrets there
I desire to see you smile
My heart burns with simple care

We will leave our offerings behind
And our children will thank or rage
They will add their own offerings
To our connected internet age

Our failures are the salt of life
In between try and achieve
They shine and polish our gifts
To find our purpose and believe

I do not have elegance
Or sophisticated taste
I do not have subtlety
Or socially expected grace

I’m certainly glad to see you
In your silk lilac dress
Among the tea, cake and flowers
Oh, what does your look confess?

You are my light in the distance
My hope and my goal
The flesh of all my dreams
And I offer you my soul

And the cotton drapes blew
In the wind from the sea
I was lost in their billowing
And seduced by their revelry

I have a brave heart
And I am kind
I have hope and wonder
And my loyalty is blind

Later the band it played
For all the glittering young things
Who laughed, danced and waved
All their diamonds and rings

But we left in secret
To a secret garden tree
And under the twinkling lights
I kissed you and you kissed me

I was optimistic & full of hope
To achieve my dream at last
But I swam against the current,
Bearing me ceaselessly into the past

And one by one my lights went out
I was broken up like glass
Upon the hard malice
Of a cruel and careless class

We nurtured apple trees
In the late summer sun
She studied horticulture
My study was just done
She smoked brown cigarillos
I thought she was cool
She smiled enigmatically
I felt an uncertain fool

I fancied her but I hid
As I tried to be aloof
Clint Eastwood or Paul Newman
They were my guiding proof
I was very inexperienced
Very clumsy with emotions
I played in the shallows
Afraid of drowning in her ocean

We got together somehow
In that summer long and hot
I was leaving Ireland
Our time together was so short
To a play in the Abbey
We chose a film together later
We drank our first wine
We laughed & tipped the waiter

We kissed in the dark
On the grass in Trinity college
What’s next for us she whispered?
I do not know, I acknowledged
She asked…can you stay?
But I wouldn’t be deflected
Now I see a candle light
Brighter now than when rejected

I was so tentative
I was feeling my way
She seemed confident and sure
Whispering to me as we lay
Her tenderness surprised me
As did her young desire
With her warmth radiating
Through her jeans like a fire

The smoky passion of her kiss
Said maybe she wanted more
But I was so much younger then
And inexperienced to my core
We tearfully kissed goodbye
Along the quays I was blown
To catch the last bus home
I thought of her…alone.

“I’m not in love”, so the song said
As we danced through our time spent
In the dimly lit country hall
Where I asked you what it meant.
You smiled and you explained
Oh..you were so new on the scene
You had red hair and freckles
You were 15 to my, oh so mature, 17

We laughed a lot together
We had something I needed
In my heart I felt something new
But I’d not learned how to read it.
I ripped away all who wanted me then
In a dark field I was blind
For a physical and mature experience
I left your innocence behind

And I often wonder why
And I often regret
The voice calling in the darkness
“A nice bit of fluff” my dad said…
I was 21, I asked her to my party…
But like some movie oversight
She waited for me as I expected her
And so we passed like ships in the night.

A year earlier I was a fool
I asked someone honourable to break
I wanted her to leave another
She knew it would be a mistake…
Now she moves in my shadows
My ghost from my yesterday
Alive but dead to my touch
In a picture that will never decay

In Austria, future-past forgotten
Above to down below
Crisp air, mountain views
Blue sky, white snow.
They circle up and down
Under beating sun they flow
They snake up and down
Swish and crunch they go

In Egypt, sun-sand and youth
Green leaves, blue sky
Light breeze on open sea
No time to ask why.
I dive to fly below
Over the dappled sea floor
With the fish, the coloured fish
To dance together once more.

Later, Cairo backstreets,
Noisy, sweaty humanity,
Spice-smell and cloth-swish,
In touch-close proximity.
I was going nowhere…,
In a sea of carriages
I was on my own…,
Between two marriages.

She moves through my flowers
She swims in my sea
She rides on my waves
She floats on my breeze
She wakes in my dreams
She moves in my shadows
She smiles in my party
She paints in my Picasso

In Greece, I saw her
I saw her ride the waves,
I saw her tame the wind
I felt the leap my heart gave.
I was drawn to her
On that sea of blue-green
I surfed out to meet her
To make fate intervene.

I floated to her
Something called my name
I was drawn to her
Like a moth to a flame.
We dived in for beauty
Over the dappled sea bed
We came up for air
And found each other instead.

The music played sirtaki
The wine set us free
The long tables hummed
With social cacophony.
Fleetingly, beauty was ours
In our hands, in our grasp
But quickly flow the sands of time
Deaf to what we ask.

She moves through my candles
She dances in my fire
She stares in my darkness
She sings in my choir
She runs in my forest
She bleeds in my moon
She drinks in my stream
She loves in my room

The room had many lamps
And many more lit candles
The doors were all closed
I saw the winking handles

The chiffon drapes billowed
The were purest white I think
There was a darkness outside
You stared without a blink

Were there rose petals on the floor?
Did they perfume my naked feet?
My throat felt so dry
And my heart skipped a beat

My words fell lifeless
It was not a good start
You did not understand
My expresso heart

I smelt coffee beans roasting
And hyacinth in the air
I felt the breeze rise again
It moved a tendril of your hair

I felt heat reach out nearby
The crackle of logs on fire
You licked your lips slowly
As I felt compelled to enquire

“What are you saying
With your perfect ankle boots?
With your red lipstick
And your white linen suit?”

Pass me that old red wine
In our room of light and shade
Where we joined all night before
On our stained bed now unmade
I smell uneaten cheese
And see flesh oozing quietly
I worship on an unswept floor
As you open your legs slightly

The nippled mound of breast
On a belly curve alighting
Above unshaven hair curling
And lips, dark and inviting
I smell the musk of mother earth
Dappled under sun brightly
I feel the swell of blood again
As you open your legs slightly

I’ve stripped layers from you
To reach your unnourished soul
I’ve reached deep inside you
To join you and make you whole
I feel you cry and tense your legs
I glide on our sweat quietly
I explode inside you again
As you open your eyes slightly