Thus I Wrote

Babe,
There’s something tragic about you
Something so magic about you
There’s something lonesome about you
Something so wholesome about you

Babe,
There’s something wretched about this
Something so precious about this
There’s something broken about this
But I’m still hoping about this…

Edited excerpt from Eden by Hozier. Could not write better.
Image of the great Frida Kahlo – a beautiful and talented woman who added much to the world.

Oh…Oh…

I’m drinking, in Gordon’s bar
These last few years, I’ve travelled far
But I’d only, seen her once before

Now the light, is dimming
And I see the ghosts, of many women
They ask for all, that I can give and more

Oh Oh….

We are, the authors
From gifts, of our fathers
Of our, own life design

We choose, with each other
From the paths, we discover
But with, no given guidelines

Oh Oh….

All things, they fade
And alternatives, they exclude
We’ve been weighed, we’ve been measured but not often understood

And things, they fade
Alternatives, they exclude
Sometimes we’re rejected but that don’t mean that we’re no good

 

Anselm Kiefer – The Orders of the Night – 1996.
Emulsion, acrylic and shellac on canvas. 356 x 463 cm. Seattle Art Museum.

We argued last night
We tore more things apart
We found more anger
We found fear and pain in our hearts
And our shared reality
Is now a fractured one
We cannot communicate
Now understanding’s all gone

The leaves blow in the wind
I can see them fly
And Winter is coming
I can see it in the sky
We hide in entertainment
In provocation and distraction
To avoid what’s coming
We huddle in factions

Something’s fractured,
Spinning out of control
In the future we planned
In the narratives we told.
In the winds of change
I’m still holding on
And I still have dreams

There’s a darkness
Hidden deep in us all
Maybe we won’t recognise
Those who make the call
Those who summon it to rise
Like a hungry dog to feed
Those who hide in the shadows
So they won’t bleed

Something’s fractured,
Spinning out of control
In the future we planned
In the narratives we told.
In the winds of change
I’m still holding on
And I still have dreams

Fake enemies are blamed
In a circus of simple lies
To hide a complex world
That doesn’t fit our size
Fake Gods are raised
And fake futures are portrayed
Sold by fake prophets
Demanding “blind faith”.

On the ocean I’m free
But I’m also alone
And so I trade some freedom
To build flesh on bare bone
And in agreeing to build
And in agreeing to share
We must walk a fine line
Not to lose ourselves out there

We call out, we call out
But the answer comes back empty
And so I turn to you
And you turn to me
I know you have your truth,
And I have mine
But it’s a shared truth
That’s what we must find

Released June 28, 2017

I don’t like being weighed
And measured
And judged
And found wanting again
I don’t like the visceral pain
Of rejection
I’m not right
I’m not good enough again

But equally I don’t like weighing
And measuring
And judging
And finding her wanting again
I don’t like the visceral pain
Of rejection
And her not feeling right
And her feeling not good enough again

In the middle of it all
A light
A warmth
I experienced on my way
She turned and said
In a bar somewhere
I get you
I understand all you feel and say

There…I’ve said it
And it is, what it is
In the past, I’ve hid too much
Now my heart’s on my sleeve

Too many barriers and longings
In the space between us both
I feel life’s too precious now
Not to go for the throat

All this stuff was swirling
All around my heart and head
I wanted to connect with you
Did I add another barrier instead?

Ah…but there’s a mystery
Deep in a woman’s heart
And words are unlikely to change
Our chemistry from the start

Now I’ve laid myself out
Before her as she walks
And flickering across her face
Is that her desire as she talks?

She chose the one she loved the most
And I who loved me the most
Her love it banished my fears
And we grew and unfurled
Hand in hand to serve the world
Together throughout the years

I never knew the power she gave
The joy or sadness I gave
By what my face would say
Like not giving all my attention
When she wanted to mention
All the little things in her day

I watched a woman to the end
As she talked to her friend
With such concentrated attention
It was a masterclass
In the beautiful art
Of the active listening dimension

I see them in coffee shops
Laughing on the street
Often now in leisure sports gear
They are grounded
They are confident and sure
They make me smile when they are near

And we are but warrior ghosts
Floating above the ground
Looking for a port in a stormy sea
Are we in crisis?
Are we lost?
Because we’re so alone and free

There is so much energy
There is so much talent
Wasted on meaningless things
We need a new messiah
Who will bring focus to all
And who knows what the future will bring?

Sometimes I feel lonely
But my heart’s full of love
And I want to give so much more
I want to wrap my arms
Around all those who seek
And let them serve and grow once more

Today I’m putting
My armour back on
I’ve been in a battle
But I was dressed so wrong
I went in open
I went in kind
It’s been so long
It’d all left my mind

I got my sword now
I can keep’em at bay
I’ve been listening too much
Now I’m going to have my say
I’ve been wounded easily
I got some blood from the fight
I tried a few barks
Now I’ll try a few bites

My boundaries are too soft
I sent wrong signals out
I spoke in whispers
They just wanted to shout
They just pushed real hard
I allowed them in
But that’s not kindness
Letting them win

I will be assertive
I don’t need no aggression
I don’t need no sly jokes
Or any condescension
I will respect those
Who will respect me
But I will cut those
Who try to cut me

I’ve read signals wrong
I assumed too much subtlety
But now if it’s not clear
It will just miss me
When they want something
Then they must clearly ask
Cos reading signals wrong
Is too simple a task

I’m wearing my heart on my sleeve
My gut is all wrenched up
I’m feeling all emotional
I just gotta toughen up

It ain’t what I need
It’s what I give will make the cut
I’ll stop leaking emotionally
I just gotta toughen up

I got some rejection
And that’s now stirring me up
It’s giving me some focus
I just gotta toughen up

Did I force the situation
Ask them drink too early from the cup?
I was not killed so I’ll be stronger
I just gotta toughen up

I’m brave enough to try
To keep on going when I’m beat up
I’m wounded but I’m still learning
I just gotta toughen up

Life is rejection
I’m not alone in feeling messed up
Life is trying
I just gotta toughen up