Thus I Wrote

Sleep, it would not come
In our yesterday’s room
I rocked myself ’till numb
To dispel my growing gloom
I thought, we are older now
But her beauty it still lingers
This relationship is slipping
Slipping through my fingers

Has she moved on
Past the point of no return?
I feel discarded and lonely
Frozen, as her memory burns
Phantom suitors hurt me
With the flowers they bring her
This relationship is slipping
Slipping through my fingers

She’s riding a pale horse
Of resentment and emotion
She’s deaf to my words
Impervious to my devotion
I wish I could hear her sigh again
As I make her nerve ends tingle
This relationship is slipping
Slipping through my fingers

I let our problems be
I was hoping for the second act
But she would not forgive me
And her love began to crack
Her heart it hardened
From the love she said I didn’t bring her
This relationship is slipping
Slipping through my fingers

I was alone
She had three
We came to battle
To divide and be free
I was well prepared
I knew all the law
My case was just
But with a hidden flaw

I looked from this end
To our loving start
Then a tide washed over me
And I fell apart

He took it all down
Brick by brick
Stone by stone
And stick by stick
He laid it all out
Who gave what to whom
I gave a better split
In that functional room

Because I looked from this end
To our loving start
Then a tide washed over me
And I fell apart

It died on the vine
Our joined family
Blown away by the force
Of factional uncertainty
When I held my line
And I didn’t concede
She withdrew from me
To punish my deed

I looked from this end
To our loving start
Then a tide washed over me
And I fell apart

There is a pain
Worse than a knife
It uses my head
It runs my life
It is a desert
A loneliness deep
I long for a quest
And a dreamless sleep

I looked from this end
To our loving start
Then a tide washed over me
And I fell apart

I had a choice when I raised my voice
I forgot I loved you
I was in my head, Too aloof you said
I forgot I loved you

You couldn’t predict, the actions I picked
You thought I didn’t love you
We disagreed, we wouldn’t concede
You thought I didn’t love you

In the mirror I see, a change in me
Dorian Gray
In the dark I chase, the love I misplaced
Dorian Gray

I was not true, I was hidden from view
I forgot I loved you
I kept my options open, but your trust was broken
I forgot I loved you

You thought the worst, that you didn’t come first
You thought I didn’t love you
You read the signs, I didn’t know were mine
You thought I didn’t love you

In the mirror I see, a change in me
Dorian Gray
In the dark I chase, the love I misplaced
Dorian Gray

I didn’t smile, for too long a while
I forgot I loved you
I didn’t tell you all, so you built a wall’
I forgot I loved you

You cry and begin, to count all my sins
You thought I didn’t love you
You cast the last stone, you want me to atone
You thought I didn’t love you

You crossed the line, you took what was mine
I thought you didn’t love me
Your words cut deep, you said its what I reap
I thought you didn’t love me

In the mirror I see, a change in me
Dorian Gray
In the dark I chase, the love I misplaced
Dorian Gray

You were my first love
I didn’t know it then
I was a bundle of energy
And uncertainty when,
I kissed your face
And I wanted too much
Distracted by others
That I needed to touch.

You’re in my thoughts
I always compare
I always wonder
If I had you there
But I was uncertain
I had too much fear
That left me blind
And let no one near.

You married a man
Who gave up his life
To adore and cherish you
His life, was his wife
I could not give so
Too selfish, I guess
My tunnel vision
In your eyes made me less.

I’m a bit of a loner
Only giving so much
I don’t want to be alone
But accept it as such.
I love in my way
But am drawn to understand
The futility of why?
These cards in my hand?

I find few truths
But love is one, clear
That which we give
And those we hold dear
I’ve studied my fears
Helped by wise men
And now is there time?
For me to love again?

You are my boundary
You are my quest
You are my reason
To be my best
I compete with you
And cooperate too
But I know I’m nothing…
Nothing without you

You are the air
That I breathe in
You are the water
Caressing my skin
I know that loving you
Is all I find true
But I know I’m nothing…
Nothing without you

You are the fire
That keeps me warm
You are the earth
My protection from harm
I know your leaving me
Will be so hard to do
I know I am nothing…
Nothing without you

Can we fix this?
Or is it too late?
Is your heart too wounded
Behind your locked gate?
I try in my way
To open my heart to you
Will you do unto me
As you would have me do unto you?

I have walked in your shoes
To study your fears
I’ve learned from wise men
And my mistakes down the years
To sing together
I’ve often played to your tune
Will you do unto me
As you would have me do unto you?

I have many colours
Not just black or white
Sometimes I’ve strayed into the dark
But I strive for the light
I will forgive you
A mistake or two
Will you do unto me
As you would have me do unto you?

The early seeds sown
So shaped our hearts
In that tangle grown
So shaped our start
I would not ask you
For more than you could do
Will you do unto me
As you would have me do unto you?

I hope you find peace
And a haven from strife
I offer you my love
To light up your life
I offer you grace
And to always be true
Will you do unto me
As you would have me do unto you?

Do you want to fix this?
Or is it too late?
Is your heart too wounded
Behind your locked gate?
These words are a key
To open my heart to you
Will you do unto me
What you would have me do unto you?

I walked in your shoes
To understand your fears
I learned from mistakes
That I made down the years
To sing together
We must choose the same tune
Will you do unto me
What you would have me do unto you?

I will support you
And always be there
Be patient, be loyal
I’ll cherish and share
I’ll stop and listen
And have fun with you
Will you do unto me
What you would have me do unto you?

I’ll create peace
And protect you from strife
I’ll give you love
To light up your life
I will forgive you
For a mistake or two
Will you do unto me
What you would have me do unto you?

I’ll make you feel valued
For all that you do
And not demand more
Than you feel able to do
I’ll help you grow
And help you push through
Will you do unto me
What you would have me do unto you?

I loved your beauty
I loved your smile
I loved your heart
I loved your style
But you have a well
That needs filling up
I guess my heart
Just wasn’t big enough

I loved your humour
I loved your spirit
I loved your cooking
And the love you put in it
But you have a well
That needs filling up
I guess my heart
Just wasn’t big enough

I loved the events
That you loved to put on
I loved your good nature
And courage you call on
But you have a well
That needs filling up
I guess my heart
Just wasn’t big enough

I think about giving and taking
And that which I have forsaken
In the past I gave in hope
To fertilise a union needing growth
Today I find I’m in deficit
With my happiness a forfeit
I gave too much without a deal
And for too long did I kneel
Too much hope and too little vision
So now I have less after division
Maybe it would’ve been more brave to say no
Maybe it would’ve been better earlier to go
Maybe I should’ve never given a ring
But they say that hindsight’s a wonderful thing

I stayed and hoped for better days
Finding now the bitter parting ways
But I did raise a child fully grown
And I gave her family a loving home
Now all is lost under blame in time
And lonely scapegoat sorrow is mine
For long I could glimpse this fate
And I worked hard to avoid this date
But like gravity I fell from grace
Into this dark and loveless place
So now I process it all in rhyme
To help me heal and love in time

Two lovers sit on a concrete floor
She is distraught
He is concerned
Love is in the air
Will they make it?
…My coffee grows cold

A husband and wife waltz slowly
With one hand she takes the money
With the other she slaps his face
Tells him “not good enough”
Too much head
Not enough heart
…My coffee grows cold

His emotions churn from white to black
From love to hate
From compassion to anger
He has been rejected
He feels dejected
…My coffee grows cold

68% of divorces filed by women
Its the norm
In this day and age
Too busy to pay enough attention
Ignoring all the bumps on the road
Death by a thousand small cuts
…My coffee grows cold

I see ghosts
The haunting of familiar faces
In familiar places
The pricking of past emotion
Of daughters and son
Of past lovers and losses
Of victories and failures
Of sister and brothers
Of father and mother
As I approach
The focus gets sharper
The love is sifted
And turned over
…My coffee grows cold