Thus I Wrote

I finished my song
To little applause
It was long past midnight
And it felt a lost cause

I packed my Martin guitar
With a Baggs pickup
She gave them to me
Long after the breakup

She took one of my names
But she spelt it wrong
But she only ever wanted
To sing her song

She seduced with sacrifice
With talent and brand
Until the world chose her
With an invisible hand

She’s famous now
And it hurts still, the calculation
And all the steps she buried
Under her infatuation

It feels lonely sometimes
This choice to be free
This fire isn’t as bright
But it belongs to me

Sweat runs its journey
Slowly down my back
As I sit in a bar
Way off the beaten track

Music hangs in the air
And the sea crashes nearby
“Have another whisky…
Now tell me…why?”

“Her vulnerable beauty
Was her siren song
To pull me in
From the ship I was on

We went in fast
On a ride, wild and strong
She forgot her demons
But it was not for long

It had felt like love
Until things began to break
I thought she had enough to give
But that was a mistake

She hides her strong will
Deep in her vulnerability
I was broken on the rocks
Hidden in her stormy sea…”

She finds me again somehow
After going missing for a while
With a bottle of whisky
And her “kiss-me” smile

I drink my whisky
It burns all the way down
I see the dawn is breaking
Over this forgotten town

She takes off her red dress
She has new tattoos
And I was falling
And losing myself anew

I said “I loved you
But its all over now…”
She said “I tried leaving you
But I don’t know how…”

Its a stormy night
But the balcony is dry
I can hear the rain falling
I can see the clouds fly

I drink my whisky
I feel it warm my gut
Her red dress is wet
And her eyes are shut

We hear music float
From the streets below
She smiles and sways
And dances real slow

I drink and I watch
I feel my blood rise
She smiles and sways
And opens her eyes

I must be crazy
She has a troubled past
But she’s so beautiful
I forget it can’t last

“Dance with me”, she whispers
“This is our night”
She holds out her arms
In the pale moonlight

It breaks my heart
To see you in so much pain
You have so much to give
You have so much to gain

You are free, they say
To choose your life’s purpose true
But they forget to say
Your purpose is built by you

I would embrace you
Let your beating heart be still
I would stroke your hair
I would let you have your fill
I would rock you softly
I would kiss you gently
Until you felt my love’s shade
Until you felt your anxiety fade

You are special to me
I am with you everyday
You are never alone
Please believe what I say

We are swimmers
Out on an ocean swell
Sometimes up in heaven
Sometimes down in hell
But your time will come
Just believe in yourself
The world will give to you
When you have given to yourself

My thoughts and
My love are with you
I just wish there was more
That I could do for you
But I know deep within
You will find the love anew
That you must give
To somebody wonderful…you.

x

I hear the rain fall
I see the cloudy moon
Will I ever love again?

I see you call
Across a crowded room
Will i ever love again?

But who am I?
And what can I give?
Will I ever love again?

Who will hear my cry
“I need your love to live”?
Will I ever love again?

Will I ever love again,
Oh no, not I
Will I ever love again?
Oh no, not I
I’m on my own
From the seeds I’ve sown
Will I ever love again?

I see a dark ocean swell
Below a raging nimbus sky
Will I ever love again?

Will I ever love again,
Oh no, not I
Will I ever love again?
Oh no, not I
I’m on my own
From the seeds I’ve sown
Will I ever love again?

I’m a ghost
Have I died?
I’m a ghost
Floating on the outside

I’m in neutral
I’m just coasting my way
I’m in neutral
I’ve been hurt..ok?

My darling, I have tried
To give you love
But it all went to hell
Between the rock below and the hard place above
Not enough love
Not enough understanding
Not enough forgiveness
And too much demanding

I’m a ghost
Have I died?
I’m a ghost
Floating on the outside

My darling I’ll try
To give you love
Because I’m your Dad
When push comes to shove…
You need enough love
You need enough understanding
Enough forgiveness
And less demanding

I’m crossing
To the other side
I’m in a new gear
To begin a new ride

I was hungry
I was hungry for your love
I was hungry
I was hungry for your love

I saw your face
I saw your lips
I saw the line of your body
And the sway of your hips

I moved up and down
On the edge of sin
I held my breath
And then I pushed on in

I held you
I held you in my arms
I held you
I held you in my arms

I saw you laugh
I felt your belly move
The smell of you
Was a sweet perfume

I moved up and down
On the edge of sin
I held my breath
And then I pushed on in

The sun shines down
On the road you choose
As you bounce along
In your high heeled shoes

Would you value my compliment?
On your look and your style?
Would you feel a thrill?
As you return my smile?

You make me feel alive
You make me feel something good
I can feel my heart beating
I feel it pumping blood

You live in the moment
So sure of your needs
You wield your beauty
As you surf with ease

What can I offer you?
Do I have what you desire?
Can I make you happy?
For longer than a while?

You make me feel alive
You make me feel something good
I can feel my heart beating
I feel it pumping blood

I thought of you today
Of what you do and say
Of what I sow and reap
Of how your words cut deep
But I will hide the signs
Below the waterline

I think my truth is real
By what I see and feel
But your trust in me
Needed consistency
So love was drowned over time
Below the waterline

I remember my priest tell
Of heaven and of hell
Of learning to go without
Of not letting the animal out
Of the fine chains that bind
Below the waterline

I want to appeal
To seal a new deal
To find a hand to hold
To let a new love unfold
To give more of what’s mine
Below the waterline