Thus I Wrote

The lines are all drawn
And positions taken
It’s arguments at dawn
And we are forsaken
I think about giving and taking
And how she takes too much
But I’ve got a treacherous feeling
That I ain’t loved her enough

Will our differences exchange
For the complement we seek?
I know love requires change
And turning the other cheek
Will she do some kneeling?
And her share of the rough?
But I’ve got a treacherous feeling
That I ain’t loved her enough

Why do we seek control?
Is it a security thing?
We could destroy the whole
Of what we’re trying to win
A lost battle has me reeling
Did I shoot the wrong stuff?
But I’ve got a treacherous feeling
That I ain’t loved her enough

So give of your love
And it shall be given to you
It’s more blessed to give
Than to receive it too
Such a love sounds healing
And ours a childish bluff
I’ve got a treacherous feeling
That I ain’t loved her enough

Picture: Bella by Lucien Freud

You looked at the deep blue sea
Beautiful in the midday sun
You were looking to the future with me
Wondering if I’m the one
My heart said you were for me
We floated together in the sky
I went down on one knee
You promised,”Until I die”

Kiss me one time
Do you love me?…
Tell me you are mine
Do you love me?

A new family we created
With a beautiful daughter born
And two children we each donated
To warm our created home
You had time to study yourself
To reinvent yourself anew
I was captured by work
To pay all of the bills due

Kiss me one time
Do you love me?
Tell me you are mine
Do you love me?

Chocolate your guilty pleasure
New Age your guiding light
Lots of women friends to measure
Life and decide what’s right
You were the emotional muse
The oracle on things of the heart
Strong but easily bruised
The artist as we drifted apart

Kiss me one time
Do you love me?…
Tell me you are mine
Do you love me?

I’m slow in an emotional race
Much slower than you
I carry my dysfunctions in a case
Beautifully presented too
Our history is not all as planned
But there is much that is good
Below our doubts and fears
Is our love just misunderstood?

Kiss me one time
Do you love me?
Tell me you are mine
Do you love me?

Do you want to fix this?
Or is it too late?
Is your heart too wounded
Behind your locked gate?
Can we talk about things
Can we play in tune?
Will you do unto me
What you would have me do unto you?

Let’s clean out the stable
Please forgive me my sins
All the hurt I have caused
Has locked your love in
I am truly sorry
And my remorse it is true
Will you do unto me
What you would have me do unto you?

When I know you forgive me
And love me, I’ll be free
I am still a prisoner
Frustrated and angry
I know I have other things
That I must work on too
Will you do unto me
What you would have me do unto you?

I promise to love you
And not shut you out
I promise to be patient
Hard for me, no doubt
I will listen and talk to you
And have fun with you too
Will you do unto me
What you would have me do unto you?

I promise to create peace
And light up your day
I will look at you with love
While I listen to what you say
I promise to forgive you
When you make a mistake or two
Will you do unto me
What you would have me do unto you?

Sleep it would not come
As I moved her things round the room
I rocked myself until numb
To dispel my gathering gloom
I thought, we are older now
But her beauty it still lingers
This relationship is slipping
Slipping through my fingers

I’m floating & drifting away
Disappearing out of sight
I need a challenge to grab me
I need a cause to fight
To get some self respect
Make my soul soar like a singer
To stop my life slipping
Slipping through my fingers

It feels like she has moved on
Passed the point of no return
I’m discarded and lonely
Frozen, as her memory burns
Phantom suitors call her
And hurt me with the love they bring her
This relationship is slipping
Slipping through my fingers

She is riding the pale horse
Of her accumulated emotion
It’s out of my control
Impervious to devotion
I wish I could hear her sigh
Again as her nerve ends tingle
This relationship is slipping
Slipping through my fingers

We have had problems for some time
She’s been a disappearing act
She could not forgive me
And her love began to crack
Isolation has hurt me
It put me through the ringer
This relationship is slipping
Slipping through my fingers

I’m lost and it’s painful
A promethean task
I’ll focus on the basics
Give her the space she asks
I’ll try to be patient
Even though my hurt’s a stinger
This relationship is slipping
Slipping through my fingers

I know I have hurt you
I know I have shut the door
I know you have been lonely
Waiting for me, unsure
My feelings tripped me up
While reaching out to you
I’m guilty of not listening
And talking badly too…
…I want…to give you my love

Surprise me with a kiss
A public show of affection
I want you to hold my hand
Take the initiative of a connection
Use the same rules for us both
So that I am not surprised
Forgive me for my failures
And then you will be prized…
…I want you…to give me your love

The heart once hurt
Needs good memories to heal
Women seem to hurt more
Or remember it more I feel
You need a lot to heal now
And will reject and hurt in return
I will need a big heart now
To manage the hurt when it burns…
…I want…to give you my love

One day we’ll be too old to give

So..Let’s give to each other and get more pleasure as we live

One day we’ll be too old to listen and talk

So..Let’s cherish one another and grow through the knocks

One day we’ll be too old to forgive

So..Let’s forgive now and give ourselves more time to really live

One day we’ll be too old to laugh and have fun

So..Let’s wring the fun out of our days and laugh until we have none

One day we’ll be too old to hold hands

So..Let’s enjoy the gentle touch of our skin before the last falling of the sands

One day we’ll be too old to kiss

So..Let’s enjoy the affection we exchange before it is missed

One day we’ll be too old to have sex

So..Let’s enjoy the physical communion as if we have nothing left to expect

Our lives move to a different beat
You like Armstrong, I like Dylan
Your body’s a temple, but you love to eat
I’m always able if you’re willing

Your clothes are thrown, as you undress
Into the mess that you create
But still you manage me, and my small mess
I shouldn’t take the bait

Your heart says love and cooperation
My head says compete and succeed
You’re in pajamas for the duration
I prefer to dress for speed

You are certain – I see both sides
But you think its weak
You want to make waves, I want a smooth ride
I’m quiet when you want to speak

You see a God, You expect a next life
I get No Answers as I read
You are so calm, I easily find strife
Love must bind us indeed

Surprise me… and kiss me
Be passionate and kind
Think of me…. and miss me
Love’s the drug that binds

I raised my voice, when I should have not
I looked at you, when I thought the wrong thoughts
I drink too much, and disguised by mirth
I say the wrong things, and you get hurt
I can’t conquer myself…..I can’t conquer myself

My glass is half empty, because I’m afraid
It makes me negative, and aloof you said
I don’t laugh enough, and I’m not much fun
I’m feeding the elephant when I should make it run
I can’t conquer myself…..I can’t conquer myself

I hit a brick wall, then I shut you out
I wait to stop hurting, I don’t trust my mouth
I create a silence, I won’t let it go
I’m frozen by hurt, but I won’t let it show
I can’t conquer myself…..I can’t conquer myself

I’ve drawn a battle line, between us in the sand
One of us must cross it, but I’m powerless to command
As we wait for each other, it becomes stalemate
It needs a big person, to change this state
I can’t conquer myself…..I can’t conquer myself

My emotions, they are dark, too dark for me to read
They swirl, they rise up, when it’s calmness I need
My dark, inner child, lashes out when afraid
My wise, mature counsel, is drowned in my head
I can’t conquer myself…..I can’t conquer myself

I sat down last night to talk to my wife
To find out the pieces that make up her life
She had a long list and she began with the first
She showed me all, in her deep well of hurt

My family’s the rock and my wife’s the hard place
They never got on, they’re not in the same place
“You never stood up”, “Or gave me support”
They’re a foundation curse, in her deep well of hurt

My career is all gone and my hair it is gray
Will this damn recession, ever go away?
I can’t find the work, to put money in the purse.
Its another major item, in her deep well of hurt

I say the wrong thing & I look the wrong way
I do get impatient when she ignores what I say
I can get frustrated or angry which is worse
Years of memories, in her deep well of hurt

Is her well too deep? my fear I can’t mask
I feel on my own, with this promethean task
The walls are so treacherous, they’re the slippery sort
Progress is painful, in her deep well of hurt

I’ve got many flaws and that I accept
But there’s two of us in this, and she’s not perfect
But I do still love her, and will do till I’m dirt
But our marriage is drowning, in her deep well of hurt.