Thus I Wrote

We met that evening
In the ICA cinema
We met that evening
In the ICA cinema
Your hands were so warm
My heart began to thaw

They say the darkest hour
Is right before the dawn
They say the darkest hour
Is right before the dawn
It’s been brighter since I’ve met you
Is my conclusion drawn

In the dark at the Green Note
Music floated in the air
In the dark at the Green Note
Music floated in the air
Later we kissed and travelled North
As you moved your hand through my hair

We swim in dirty water
Sometimes we feel sick
We swim in dirty water
Sometimes we feel sick
Some say we’re too sensitive
But I wouldn’t change us a bit

We travelled through London
We saw better by bus
We travelled through London
We saw better by bus
On to Brick Lane graffiti
I love many things about us

Worries about trust
Are you seeing someone?
Rationally I said no
But instinctively I said run

I said I gotta go
You were stunned you began
But then you angrily said
You must be loco…man

I’m not loco
I’m not loco
Just an ordinary
Ordinary…man

Worries about trust
Accusation and doubt
You got a problem now
You wanna change me about

Sometimes, I stumble
Sometimes, into the dark
Sometimes, I handle it
Sometimes, it leaves a mark

I’m not loco
I’m not loco
Just an ordinary
Ordinary…man

Actions speak much louder
Given with the right intention
Instead of chameleon words
Hidden with clever invention

What do you want of me now?
In those chameleon words, I can’t hear?
But I remember your actions
Is it Karma that you fear?

“Don’t hate me” you strangely said
But it’s something I never do
I’ve called you out as wrong
That’s all I think of you

What do you want of me now?
In those chameleon words, I can’t hear?
But I remember your actions
Is it Karma that you fear?

You can survive as a chameleon
But you’ll leave much undone
You gotta stand out with respect
When you wanna get some

What do you want of me now?
In those chameleon words, I can’t hear?
But I remember your actions
Is it Karma that you fear?

Well the parting was disjointed
And of an apparent selfish design
Was it just a clumsy mistake?
Or something more planned and malign?
The magic left like a light going out
Like air from a hissing balloon
The barriers came crashing down
Rushing the warmth from the room

I was made redundant
My services not now required
This was a crash landing
Ice emerged from the fire
Such breathless, ruthless action
No time even to think
A sword taken to the chain
It cut straight through the link

Later when I resurfaced
After gut wrenching days
“Keep good memories of us”
“Don’t hate me”, she says
Her actions had spoken louder
They didn’t care what I thought
Was a dishonest bow-tied closure?
Now really what she sought?

“Oh, integrity’s important to me,
I don’t want you to feel used”
(Accepting no responsibility
But implying my feelings are confused)
I can forgive of course
But only with explicit request
And only with some recognition
That growth and change are a quest

Nothing can protect me now
Cos everything must change and end
But there are more loving ways
Of leaving the party at the bend
Something nags at her inside
Maybe it’s the karma that she’s won?
Somewhere she needs approval
Something’s yet unfinished and undone

When you parted from me
I felt uneasy
Incomprehensibly
I felt uneasy

We’d connected tentatively
Then more deeply
All too briefly
More deeply

We rode wildly,
We fell differently
You and me
Differently

Have you taken from me?
All you needed from me?
Unquestionably
All you needed from me?

What do you think when you see?
Your memories?
Playing timelessly?
In your memories?

We’re moving on freely,
Moving on differently
You and me
Differently

Since you parted from me,
I’ve felt uneasy
Instinctively
I’ve felt uneasy

I’ve no words left
After how we parted
I’m alone at sea
Trust’s now re-started

What now of my needs?
What now of yours?
The contract’s broken
Back knocking on doors

“Lovely, lovely memories”
Yes…you’re so right
They shine so bright
In this cold turkey night

Of course it’s my shit
I know it’s mine to manage
In this cold empty silence
I will limit the damage

We lived wild for a time
We trusted each other
In a brief oasis of time
We enjoyed each other

I lit two candles for Lana,
There, in snowy Berlin,
My prayers mingled with the smoke,
That rose in the quiet space therein.

I get impatient,
Trying to connect true,
When games get in the way,
Of what is beautiful in you.
I wanted you to be real,
I don’t like false layers,
But I know I asked too much,
So my patience was my prayer.

Lana, I think you’re unhappy
You know how to survive,
How to protect yourself,
And to economically thrive.
But love is much misunderstood,
Have you ever known real love?
One that nurtures and grows,
Signified by that dove?
You were an intelligent, sensitive child,
Lost in a big boisterous family,
In a rough, striving environment,
Who listened to you intently?
Did you grow too hard a shell?
To protect yourself in there?
I wonder at your loneliness
So your happiness was my prayer.

You searched the world for me
And then you found me
And then you liked me
And then you showed me your heart
And then you called out to me
And then you invaded me
And butterflies arose in me
And our love affair did start

So…Breathe, Breathe and let it go
I’m down now on all fours
My head is on the floor

You rose up to meet me
You suddenly reached out for me
You  connected with me
Somewhere deep in the heart of me
That night you were so serene
That night you were a queen
That night you somehow fitted me
That night your words they captured me

So…Breathe, Breathe and let it go
I’m down now on all fours
My head is on the floor

I was falling into the sea
But then you caught me
You began to heal me
You began to love me
And then we were smiling
And then we were loving
And then we were living
But then we were dreaming

So…Breathe, Breathe and let it go
I’m down now on all fours
My head is on the floor

We were weighing, the goods
When she fell there in, the woods
I think she misunderstood me, that last time we spoke
She took fright and, she ran
She’d no idea, or plan
But she felt more safe there, alone in her cloak

Did she see something, in me?
That she didn’t want, to see?
Or did she think all my feelings for her, were just smoke?
I wasn’t ready for, the ride
It knocked all my confidence, inside
When I felt her moving from me, the lady in the cloak

The emotions, we keep
They may be shallow, or deep
That’s why I needed to look at her, when she spoke
I knew her so well, I believed
But I think that I was, deceived
I’ve still much to learn about, the lady in the cloak

These days, I’m so open
Many soft words, I’ve spoken
They say I’m such an emotionally, intelligent bloke
But it’s such a balancing, act
Between honesty, and tact
And I forgot about it all, with the lady in the cloak

It’s a human, instinct
To self protect, I think
We use barriers to protect us, from other folk
And I kept, mine down
To save her from, falling down
But she couldn’t hold on, the lady in the cloak

I said I was never, addicted
But I couldn’t have, predicted
How those words would come, back to choke
Because now that, she’s gone
My world it feels, all wrong
Cos, I’m missing her, the lady in the cloak

I wait there, in the woods
I met her ghost, weighing the goods
I asked her to fix, what I hoped wasn’t too broke
Even though we’d lost, each other
I still hoped we’d find, each other
Cos, I still wanted her, the lady in the cloak

She’s a grand woman
I remember her smile
I remember her fun
All the chats o’er the miles
We connected so deep
Even though for a short while
Then she was wonderful
Then she made me smile

There’s no time for regrets
Even though my heart is sore
I’ve grieved some
I’m sure I’ll grieve some more
Sure there’s a hole in my life
Where once she was there
She grew word by word
Until I really cared

We tried, it was fun
It was a hell of a ride
We travelled way too briefly
Together, side by side
I thought there’s more in it
I thought there’s more to come
But we couldn’t hold on
And now it’s all done

I won’t forget her
But she won’t hold me back
I’ll keep the rope tight
Now’s no time for slack
I’ve still got more energy
I’m not lost or stuck
I’ve loads more to give
With effort and luck

The sun always rises
After the dark of night
Nothing good comes
Without some kind of fight
I’m ready for tomorrow
But I’ll enjoy today’s sun
I’ll grieve as I need
But then I’ll move on