Thus I Wrote

Alexanderplatz in the snow
Berlin Cathedral on show
Grey sky, Blue stars appear

Near Frankfurter Tor
Something began to stir
We drank beers and examined our years

I lost myself…I lost myself

We give so much
Now what’s left of us?
As we fit in and survive we said

Later we stared at that dome
And talked of our homes
And how our past pulls and things fade

I lost myself…I lost myself

I write much that is serious
About the hurt in my heart
But I enjoy all my life
And all of those who take part
To those that I have loved
And those who have broken my heart
I regret not a minute
I don’t need a new start
I enjoy every minute
Cos they don’t come twice
To grow, have fun and enjoy
Some pain is a small price
Life is good
I’ll enjoy it beat by beat
I’ll never ever lose
But I’ll have many defeats

I’m not that pragmatic
I often swim against the flow
Others just float on by
“It’ll all be fine”, they know

I worry about lies
I worry about universal things
They only worry about themselves
What each decision will bring

I’m not right, they’re not wrong
But these are barriers in between
I wish I could just remove them
But I want my beauty it seems

I walk over my beloved bridge
I breathe the air of the river
The sun will warm me tomorrow
Even as today I walk and shiver

There’s a fissure and a split,
In the armour that I’ve built,
That makes me so restless now.
In the recesses of my mind,
Where fear scurries blind,
And darkness rises somehow.

There’s a tightness in my gut,
Of time racing and things ending, but,
I’ve a longing for forbidden things.
I hear the inexorable journey’s hiss,
To the darkness of the abyss,
And the sound while the banshee sings.

To that which I had completed,
To that which I had defeated,
And that which I must rise above now.
The cacophony of rejection,
As loneliness and non-acceptance,
Irrelevance and uselessness row.

I wrestle in my dreams now,
A dark demon that stalks and howls,
Suddenly stripped of my armour’s power.
I’m suddenly falling from on high,
Fearing multiple goodbyes,
Before hellos have finished their hour.

And yet I’m brave so I must rise,
To look my fears in the eyes,
And because I’m blessed to be alive.
I will stand and fight,
For love and the right,
To hold someone’s hand and smile.

I see them in coffee shops
Laughing on the street
Often now in leisure sports gear
They are grounded
They are confident and sure
They make me smile when they are near

And we are but warrior ghosts
Floating above the ground
Looking for a port in a stormy sea
Are we in crisis?
Are we lost?
Because we’re so alone and free

There is so much energy
There is so much talent
Wasted on meaningless things
We need a new messiah
Who will bring focus to all
And who knows what the future will bring?

Sometimes I feel lonely
But my heart’s full of love
And I want to give so much more
I want to wrap my arms
Around all those who seek
And let them serve and grow once more

I did not always manage
To stop the damage
That my impatience had spread
My fears rushed on
I know it was wrong
And our love ruptured and bled

Like a finely tuned machine
I was good for a scene
But then something broke inside
I did not manage my fears
Oh, they cost me dear
But I’ve learned a lot on the ride

I’m glad I was kind to you
That I was steadfast and true
Cos this will stand the test of time
And it’s never too late
To grow and change our fate
To change some parts of our mind

I asked why
She burned incense
In the room before she leaves?
She whispered quietly
“It will keep me safe, and rightly
This is what, I believe”

I asked why
He prayed to God
What did it build or achieve?
He whispered quietly
“It will keep me safe, and rightly
This is what, I believe”

Now I do not understand
All the rituals you plan
Or all that you perceive
But they whispered quietly
“It will keep us safe, and rightly
This is what, we believe”

I bow to the haze
Our limitations have made
This wisdom I now conceive
I will tread around lightly
How you feel safe, and rightly
This is what, I believe

This human condition
In which we live
In which we know
This absurd condition

We watch ourselves grow
Live, love and decay
We hear echoes of eternity
In a dark universe of stars
We wonder, we cry out
For a father or mother
A creator to give us meaning
Someone to make us feel less alone

We push our boundaries
We compete for our space
We seek some control
For the world to remember us here
And so the river runs
Ever onward
And so the current pushes us
Ever onward

Now I’m alone at night
In the darkness
I feel the earth turn
Beneath me
I’m fading, fading into silk
Black silk

Dark skies, foreboding
No summer sun or rain
I feel the wheel is turning
It’s time for change again
We don’t do it neat
But within the rules we agree
We make blind bets
On our future religiously

Complex Truths, Simple Lies
We don’t want statistics
Have cake, eat cake
Let’s banish pessimists
Unicorns and Sunny uplands
If we take our country back
Let’s blame the Eu
For whatever we lack

Have faith, our faith
We don’t need expert views
Stir emotion, stir fears
Must control all the news
Use Lies, Use untruths
Engage and stir the nation
Stir emotion, stir fears
Over sovereignty and immigration

And then the veil was ripped
By those who knew
And darkness seeped in
And darkness came through
In the noise you got sick
And you fell to the ground
Your pure heart stopped
And silence wrapped round

You were the best of us,
You were the best of us
When your smile danced
You were the best of us,
You were the best of us
We were deeply enhanced

Getup, standup
Gotta stand up for your rights
Evil shall happen while good people
Remain hidden and out of sight
The fragile light of the world
That we’ve built for so long
Needs people who serve right
To fight those who serve wrong

I had a visceral feeling
The grief of a death or divorce
It was punch to the heart
It punched with so much force
It’s done for a generation
It’s a civil war without guns
But I know who they are
I know they are the ones

Elites wore new clothes
Demagogues with a new blend
They polluted the waters
But he’s no fisherman’s friend
Take back, bring back
Lies about democracy and control
They focussed on the 1%
And not the damage to the whole

Ignorance is a choice
Ignorance is a choice
We choose what we do
Ignorance is a choice
Ignorance is a choice
For me and for you

I was born naked
Naked in a frightening world
A world without obvious meaning
A world insecure
A world with no direction
A world of swirling forms
A world of noise and uncertainty

And so I built a house
To make sense of the world
And it became my world
With pillars strong
And I found others
Who shared my world
And together we built a city
To protect us
To give us meaning
To protect us from storms

But one day a big storm came
That knocked a pillar of my house down
That rocked my world
That separated me from the others
That forced me to look at the truth
To look at the darkness beyond my house
To look at the darkness beyond my city
And I saw death
I saw no obvious meaning
I saw I was alone
I saw the terrifying responsibility
Of my freedom
I saw the terrifying responsibility
Of finding my own way

For a while I went mad
And I sought distraction
In drink, in sex, in recreation
But, over time, came acceptance
Over time,  I found my new niche
Over time, I found a way to compete and serve
Over time, I built a new house
In a new city
With bigger windows
Over time, I let more light in.