Thus I Wrote

At 61 I chose to live on the top floor of a big house on the top of a hill with a view of Alexandra Palace and the Sky. There was no lift and three flights of stairs from the street to the top floor.

I could walk to my partner’s flat down the hill to the left and to Crouch End village down the hill to the right, both within 10 mins.

Following my illness I had gambled on my health being good for at least 10 years into the future. I had chosen to position myself ready for the next challenge. I had chosen to reinvent myself. The future was uncertain with only the ultimate end clear. My recent past was turbulent.

I chose a base that did not require too much work. However, while it had much that was new, there was still much to do. It took more time and effort than I had anticipated. It would take a while before I would feel safe. Before I would consider it home.

“Nobody gives it to ya,
Ya gotta take it”
That’s the ‘law’
That’s how you make it

And they took too much
With cruelty and the gun
Then with inheritance
And with organisation

I had no monopoly
Or old money to fire
I’d only innovation
And a work ethic for hire

I know it’s in the distance
Where the earth meets the sky
Sometimes I glimpse it
In the corner of my eye

And so I distract myself
With everyday things
With learning & entertainment
With words and with strings

Still, inexorably I’m pulled
Into the wilderness
To the twisted shapes moving
I see the twilight confess

And yet on the journey
When I hold your hand
Something somehow changes
I feel a meaning I understand

Life is unknowable
Like a Zen Garden grows
Life is unknowable
It comes, and it goes
The Way’s much more
Than the End achieves
I know the Cherry Blossom
It flowers, and then leaves

I must remember
I must remember to breathe.
I must remember
I must remember to breathe
To avoid those, who will deceive
To work on, what I believe
To give more, than I receive
And remember, remember to breathe

MRI Scans: After and Before Operation

I was slowing down
I slept at wrong times
I forgot many things
I forgot my lines
And then I awoke
With you by my side
And a blinking blue light
…I’d nearly died

I remember being wet
They cut my pants off
I faded in and out
Many hours were lost
In my head was something
It was growing inside
My behaviour changed
…I’d nearly died

From friends and family
A love I didn’t expect
I ordered my affairs
For what might come next
I was glad to wake up
I shivered on the slide
I’d bled too much
…I’d nearly died

Then came steroids
Not much sleep at all
But very dark dreams
I passed out in a fall
The hospital staff
Helped as I tried
As I recovered slowly
…I’d nearly died

Too much to say
Too intense and raw
Over days and months
I struggled with it all
But you were there 
You held me when I cried
As you struggled to cope
Cos I’d nearly died

You chose him
You’re responsible
He’s a symptom of your disease
You’re not anymore
Some shining city on a hill
You fill the world with unease
You’re now losing
All the wonder
You had found
Empty vessels make most sound

He ain’t patriotic
He don’t pay taxes
He insults war hero McCain
He sows division
Making many incisions
With insulting tweets again
He makes fake news
Cos he don’t want
Your feet on the ground
Empty vessels make most sound

He destroys
& He divides
Cos he can’t create
He lies
& He insults
Cos he’s threatened by what’s great
He pollutes
& He poisons
All that he’s around
Empty vessels make most sound

It’s the sound you hear
That of crashing glass
From your broken bubble
Will this too now pass?

The cold winds of change
The harsh winds of hate
Now threaten your world view
And threaten your fate

With ugly, ignorant intensity
Empty vessels make much sound
Many float on hot, false hopes
I stay lonely on the ground

Get more great artwork from the We the People campaign on the Amplifier Foundation website. Build bridges not walls.

Driving through a blizzard of snow
A blizzard of snow
To black clouds I go

Berlin appears a bit austere
A bit austere
But then you appear

I saw the scars of wars
The scars of wars
The scars…

Saw man’s evil laid on the ground
Laid on the ground
Dark memories all around

And God’s inspired beauty nearby
God’s beauty nearby
Candle smoke rose high

I saw the scars of wars
The scars of wars
The scars…