Thus I Wrote

I’m in the eye of the storm
I’m in the deadening calm
I see tomorrow’s form
I hear tomorrow’s psalm
I find I am now apart
I have no hand to hold
I’m a self aware art
A wonder to behold

In the stillness I forgive
The futility of why
The loneliness of live
The inevitability of die
I’m a drop in the ocean blue
I’m a leaf in the forest green
I miss the God I knew
I miss the love I’ve seen

I search for a reason
My soul to drive
Without hunger’s treason
I’m not fully alive
I stand on the shoulders
Of those gone before
I’m a baton holder
From past to future’s door

I bow to the collective
The secular unseen hand
The arbiter of my perspective
The creator of my commands
The connector of those giving
To those who are needing
The cutter from the living
In one cut or slowly bleeding

I was a sandman
In my desert home
I was a searching man
For a direction I roamed
I consider the lilies
As they wave in the field
They bravely ignore Achilles
They bravely trust and yield

What colours to you see
Can you see the whole of me
Can you see my rainbow above
A spectrum from hate to love

What colours do you see
Theres more than one or two or three
Don’t look at just the dark colours that dwell
Look for the beautiful bright colours as well

What colours do you see
Do you want to change the dark in me?
But  look at one colour too long
You may be blind to the rest and be wrong

Well, I depend
On you, my friend
Many times, we’ve stayed up drinking
Many times, we’ve shared our thoughts
But do you really know me
Do you know the thoughts I’ve got

Do you know I have a love
For everyone I know
I have a lust for life
To live and not let go
But sometimes I feel alone
Something rises up inside
It eats at my heart
And it darkens my mind

A dark demon
Stalks my dreams
(A dark demon
Stalks my dreams)
I need a love
To save me
From this dark demon…

Come, now take my hand
Together let’s make a stand
I’ll be your port
In the storm
When it’s cold
I’ll keep you warm
I hope we find peace
And love lights up our lives
And shines forever
Our saviour inside

(From…)This dark demon
Stalking our dreams
(This dark demon
Stalking our dreams)
We need a love
To save us
From this dark demon…

This is based on an earlier poem I wrote of the same name but more recently inspired by the song “I See a Darkness” by Will Oldham. The Johnny Cash cover version especially. I like the metaphor of the dark demon and of love casting out the demons as Christ did in the bible. He used love to banish fear. I have no particular allegiance to religion but the stories form a powerful backdrop to our culture and resonate with me. I see them as useful and powerful metaphors.

I’m in the cage
The cage of age
The signals I see
Are not for me
The flesh still willing
But no function fulfilling
While she flirts and pouts
She leaves nothing to doubt

Her body states
I can procreate
She dresses to show
How her body flows
With subliminal power
To strike in her hour
She flirts and pouts
She leaves nothing to doubt

So much imagery
In a democracy
To grab attention and sell
To cast a spell
It’s nature’s power
The sweet hiding sour
She flirts and pouts
She leaves nothing to doubt

So much energy
In a democracy
Wasted in control
Protecting the whole
When past the junction
When form shows declining function
She still flirts and pouts
She leaves nothing to doubt

I see ghosts of late
From scenes I’ve played
The haunting of familiar faces
In familiar places

I see ghosts of late
In the well of my emotional state
The pricking of past emotion
The lessons of past devotion

I see ghosts of late
From loving relationships I’ve made
From mother and father
From sons and daughters
From wives and lovers
From sisters and brothers
From the friends who stayed
Among the ghosts I see of late

I see ghosts of late
Whispering of changes to date
The waves that rise and fall
The victories big and small
The turning of the earth
The renewal of life and death
All that shapes my fate
In the ghosts I see of late

I see ghosts of late
Part of the man I’ve made
They don’t go they wait
With me till that silent gate….

I see ghosts of late
Judging my fate
The haunting of familiar faces
In familiar places
The pricking of past emotion
The memories of past devotion

I see ghosts of late
(As I contemplate)
Of son and daughters
Of mother and father
Of sister and brothers
Of wives and lovers

I see ghosts of late
(In my emotional state)
Of wishes and regret
Of victories others forget
Of the turning of the earth
Of life and of death

I am truly free when I’m alone.
To be with someone
Requires I give to someone
Requires rules to interact with someone
I can be truly free but also truly alone

A relationship includes constant negotiation of the rules of engagement
Divorce recognises the end of such negotiation
The point in time when you decide to give no more of yourself

Here are my thoughts about the afterlife..
In my catholic childhood imagery was rife
Hell was a deep dark pit with fire
Heaven was a blue sky with clouds up higher
Purgatory was somewhere in between
And Limbo was for babies dying unclean

Lucifer the devil lived in fiery Hell
Heaven was God’s choice to dwell
No exit from Limbo, Heaven or Hell
But Purgatory was a temporary rehab hotel

I believe now in no Afterlife
But we create enough pleasure and strife
To create a Heaven and Hell on earth to show
That we reap what we sow

Heaven, I see, is valued and included
And Hell is lonely and excluded
Heaven sees reward for craft and graft
Hell is a wasted life distraught

He took a risk for his creation
His reward the riches of nations
He has talent and tenacity
But I don’t trust his veracity
He acts the eagle but he’s a vulture
Living off the bones of our culture

With his power he endowed
On his life a secret shroud
Over how he nurtures
His company’s culture
So that the end it seems
Justifies his grubby means

His people are guided
By the culture he decided
By the clearly given rewards
Approved by the board
So why does our society fail
To throw him in jail?

This is a clear defect.
If he has such an effect
If he is king of all he surveys
And all value only he purveys
Why is systemic wrongdoing
Somehow not his doing?

He created the culture
To lead his vultures
To achieve the first mover advantage
He gave his soul to manage
From criminal activity
He got market exclusivity….

Now he’s untouchable in his tower
Of political and media power

Unassailable in his tower
Of financial and political power
He will still die
Just like you and I
Slowly or quickly
He will become sickly
He has not the pace
To win this race

He rages and works
Against the future that lurks
Against the decay
Coming closer every day
He wants some meaning
Why is death intervening?
But he’s a small pawn
To a life that goes on
He held a baton a while
While he ran his mile

We are born and we die
Against our will, so we try
To exert some control
To create a role
In the end there’s no doubt
There’s no easy way out
Before we leave we check in
Every last thing
We fall into the unknown
As we were born….alone