Thus I Wrote

Act 1

It’s a stormy night
But the balcony is dry
I can hear the rain falling
I can see the clouds fly
I drink my whisky down
It warms my gut
Her red dress is wet
And her eyes are shut

We hear the music float
From the streets below
And she smiles and she sways
And she dances real slow
As I watch her move
I feel my blood rise
I wait till she’s ready
And she opens her eyes

Well…I must have been crazy
She had a troubled past
But she’s so beautiful
I forget it couldn’t last

“Dance with me Baby”
“This is our night”
And she holds out her arms
In the pale moonlight

Act 2

She finds me again
She’d gone missing for a while
She has a bottle of whisky
And her “kiss-me” smile
I feel the whisky burn
All the way down
I can see the dawn is breaking
Over this forgotten town

She takes off her red dress
I can see her new tattoos
And I was nearly falling
And losing myself anew

I said “I loved you once
But its all over now…”
“Oh”, She said “Please hold me
Because I need you now…”

Act 3

The sweat runs its journey
Slowly down my back
As I sit in a bar
Way off the beaten track
The music hangs in the air
The sea crashes nearby
He said “Have another whisky…
Now tell me…why?”

“Well…her vulnerable beauty
Was her siren song
And it pulled me in
From the ship I was on
We went in fast on a ride
That was wild and strong
And she forgot her demons
But it was not for long

And it felt like love
’Til things began to break
I thought I was enough
But that was my mistake

She hid her strong will
Deep in her vulnerability
I was broken on the rocks
Hidden in her stormy sea…”

Act 4

I finished my song
To a little applause
It was long past midnight
And it felt a lost cause
I packed my Martin guitar
With its Baggs pickup
She gave them to me
Long after our breakup

She took one of my names
But she spelt it wrong
She only ever wanted
To sing her song
And she sacrificed all
With talent and brand
Until the world chose her
With an invisible hand

Well…she’s famous now
But I’m hurt by the calculation
Of all the steps she buried
Under her infatuation

I’m lonely sometimes
With my choice to be free
My fire ain’t as hot
But it belongs to me

I cross the river at its ford
My cloak hides my head from the world
I cross the river at its ford
My cloak hides my head from the world

I follow the raven through twisted hills
I’m weary but I must travel still
I follow the raven through twisted hills
I’m weary but I must travel still

Is this a strange destiny that brings me here
Or do I run from something that I fear
Is this a strange destiny that brings me here
Or do I run from something that I fear

I kneel and I pray to a God I don’t know
I wait for the rain and the thunder to go
I kneel and I pray to a God I don’t know
I wait for the rain and the thunder to go

I find pure water and a single green tree
And the sun also shines in the sky for me
I find pure water and a single green tree
And the sun also shines in the sky for me

Is this a strange destiny that brings me here
Or do I run from something that I fear
Is this a strange destiny that brings me here
Or do I run from something that I fear

I stood at the cross of two great roads
With the dew rising in the morning
And I offered up all that I hold
With the dew rising in the morning

And the earth it moved
And the wind it blew
There is still time to forgive
And the seeds they flew
And the trees they grew
There is still time to forgive

The wine on her lips was red from the sun
That shone on her in the morning
Oh she was my love under the sun
That shone on her in the morning

And the earth it moved
And the wind it blew
There is still time to forgive
And the seeds they flew
And the trees they grew
There is still time to forgive

Her lash on my skin, it cut and broke through
In the fading light of the evening
And the blood I let run to sow something new
In the fading light of the evening

And the earth it moved
And the wind it blew
There is still time to forgive
And the seeds they flew
And the trees they grew
There is still time to forgive

Is this how we love?
Is this how we live?
And is there still time to forgive?
Is this how we love?
Is this how we live?
And is there still time to forgive?

I’ve seen the power and  I’ve seen the glory
I was seated at the feast,
I celebrated many ceremonies
I was dark and aloof as a priest.
Somehow I  felt seduced
And that I was asked to betray,
And I felt too excluded
To make an instinctive play.

I was often defeated
But never did I lose,
I felt I had too few options
But I was brave enough to choose.
I sailed the stormy ocean
Till I landed here on this shore,
But I had heard the siren’s song
For a long time before.

I drank into the night
To lose myself for a while,
And sometimes I found a dark portrait
With a face-torn smile.
And I have given my love willingly,
It was not from manacles torn.
But since  then I’ve seen my love die
And I’ve seen something else born.

I was often defeated
But never did I lose,
I felt I had too few options
But I was brave enough to choose.
And all that I want now
Is of no consequence,
For I am but stardust
For this world to dispense.

I don’t need no desert
To know I’m in the wilderness
I don’t need no burning bush
Telling me to pray or confess
I don’t need no lamb of God
Talking about redemption or sin
No, I’ve been knocking on that door
I need someone to let me in

I don’t need no politician
To take me by the hand
Or to part the economy
With some magical command
I don’t need no rich man’s advice
From the wave he’s floating in
No, I’ve been knocking on that door
I need someone to let me in

I don’t need no market
To tell me what I’m worth
I just want to compete
To serve and to work
Sometimes you need help and the right wave
Before you can win
So I’ll keep knocking on that door
Until someone lets me in

I’ve heard enough about the failures
That have put me on my knees
I’ve examined every one of them
And I’m improving by degrees
It’s been a lesson in humility
But I’ll take it on the chin
And I’ll keep knocking on that door
Until someone lets me in

My glass is half full
As I learn what they teach
I see lights of opportunites
But they’re still out of reach
They say that in every fall
There’s a seed of a rise therein
So I’ll keep knocking on that door
Until someone lets me in.

Well, you’re my friend…
And can you see…
But do you…do you know me
Do you know the thoughts I’ve got.
Do you know I have a love
For everyone I know
And I have a lust for life
I want to to live and not let go
But there are times I feel alone
And something rises up inside
It eats at my heart
And it darkens my mind

And then a dark demon
Stalks my dreams
And then a dark demon
Stalks my dreams
I need a love
To save me
From this dark demon…

Well come, now take my hand
And together let’s make a stand
I’ll be your port
In the storm
And when it’s cold
You’ll keep you warm
I hope we find peace
And love lights up our lives
And shines forever
Our saviour inside

From this dark demon
That stalks our dreams
From this dark demon
That stalks our dreams
We need a love
To save us
From this dark demon…

This is based on an earlier poem I wrote of the same name but more recently inspired by the song “I See a Darkness” by Will Oldham…the Johnny Cash cover version especially. I like the metaphor of the dark demon and of love casting out the demons as Christ did in the bible. He used love to banish fear. I have no particular allegiance to religion but the stories form a powerful backdrop to our culture and resonate with me. I see them as useful and powerful metaphors.

I saw my father
In the mirror today
And I said yesterday
What he might say
I wear a black hat
To hide my grey hair
As I run too fast
From a life not fair

It is what it is
But what does it mean?
I’m an ignorant part
Of a greater machine
I can see the end coming
I’ll try not to stare
As I run too fast
From a life not fair

I held someone’s hand
And I made someone smile
I forgot where I was going
At least for a while
It’s good to feel needed
To have someone who cares
As I run too fast
From a life not fair

We’re in this together
So I’m not unique
It’s not a favour
Or an advantage I seek
I know we’re all alone
If we have nothing to share
As we run too fast
From a life not fair

But we are so blessed
To be here alive
Somehow chosen
From that great formless void
Free to choose our purpose
Without fear if we dare
As we run too fast
From a life not fair

I held someone’s hand
And I made someone smile
I forgot where I was going
At least for a while
It’s good to feel needed
To have someone who cares
As I run too fast
From a life not fair

I see ghosts of late
From the scenes I’ve played
The haunting of familiar faces
In familiar places

I see ghosts of late
In the well of my emotional state
The pricking of past emotion
The memories of past devotion

I see ghosts of late
From the loving relationships I’ve made
From mother and father
From sons and daughters
From wives and lovers
From sisters and brothers
And from the friends who stayed
I see ghosts of late

I see ghosts of late
Whispering of changes, they portray
The waves that rise and fall
The victories big and small
The turning of the earth
The renewal of life and death
And all that shaped my fate
I see ghosts of late

I see ghosts of late
Part of the man I’ve made
They don’t go they wait
They’re with me till that silent gate….

 

I told a joke
And it was misunderstood
I didn’t play the social games
Like many others could
I thought of the future
And I weighed it all in my head
But I left much undone
And I left much unsaid

I pushed the world
And the world it punched back
It cycled and it swirled
And it went from white to black
I bow to the collective
To the secular unseen hand
To the arbiter of who’s effective
Of who falls and who stands

I drew an eight
When I needed a Jack
But I’ll play the hand I’m dealt
Cos there’s no use looking back

I asked why
But no answer came
So I studied wise men
But the answer was still the same
I’m a leaf in the forest green
I’m a drop in the ocean blue
But I miss the love I’ve seen
And I miss the God I knew

How did we find
Ourselves on different sides?
What started as a join
Became a chasm wide
I wish that I could hold you
Like when our love was new
But our demands they were too many
And our gifts they were too few

I drew an eight
When I needed a Jack
But I’ll play the hand I’m dealt
Cos there’s no use looking back

You move over shimmering waters,
You see your face in the deep
You create and you hope
That you’ll find what you seek

And you dig deep in the earth,
Its all sticky, wet and black.
Ah..you’re soaked by the rain,
But you don’t turn back.

You see your love measured out,
Into fine, crystal glasses.
And handed out anxiously,
To the next person who passes.

You see the sun rise
You see it fall to the earth again
You see the leaves grow and die
In a forest that still remains

Oh..dream is all you seem to do
You hope for tomorrow
Because today just won’t do
Oh..dream is all you seem to do
You search for beauty
And a love that is true.

You see a baby born,
All crying and bloody red.
You see his mother sleeping
Her hair matted in her bed.

And you hear a trumpet call,
At dawn on a lonely hill.
And you see a lion tear
Into its captured kill.

Oh..dream is all you seem to do
You hope for tomorrow
Because today just won’t do
Oh..dream is all you seem to do
You search for beauty
And a love that is true