Thus I Wrote

I thought this wouldn’t rhyme
Cos what I say ain’t so pretty
I try to be open and honest
And accept the truth about me
I’ve had good times in my life
And I’ve had my share of luck
I remember your honesty last night
You called me a lost, stuck, fuck

From the open dopamine dream
To the wary cool reality
From all the perfect imaginings
To the differences we could see
And the ghosts of your past
Strewn, growling, around me
To push me away from you
From what I wanted it to be

Was your gaze just too strong?
Or too much wariness in you?
Were you just too controlled?
Or no passion for me in you?
My head gave wise counsel
I listened to my heart more
To the contract we wrote online
And our horse so nearly born

I tried time and time again
But I wasn’t keeping score
Who owned these barriers?
I did not know anymore
Did I even know what I was doing?
Was I trying to fix what was wrong?
Was something broken and disconnected?
Did Brexit and your art just not belong?

Is that a black dog growling?
Some dark guardian over you?
In the still, grey, wet, Winter’s day?
With dead leaves stuck like glue?
The water leaked from the vase
Of flowers that I gave you
My champagne lay unopened
Forgotten and unloved too

This now requires some reset
To go right back near the start
We found we know each other
Painfully, only in some parts
We don’t love each other yet
But we could still be the one
I grieve for that lost dream
And for all that’s suddenly gone

I left you smiling
In your sleep
It was the end of a night so surreal
We never touched
We never kissed
But you said you would dream of me

You suddenly reached
You suddenly connected
Somewhere deep in the heart of me
My butterflies flew
My heart beat faster
Then it was only you I could see

Earlier I questioned
And you never once flinched
You answered so honest and true
I felt so strange
Like I had touched the sides
Somewhere deep inside of you

This was a dream
Some dopamine dream
Where endorphins rise and rush
I felt your serenity
Over thousands of miles
Your connection made my face blush

You rose to meet me
To somehow fit me
To articulate so confident and true
The power of your words
The beauty of your words
Fills me with butterflies anew

Now this is living
Now this is playing
This is life so far from the shelf
Our beautiful friendship
Is such a wonder
That I never dreamt it for myself