Thus I Wrote

You must go now, you must protect yourself
You can see a better future, for you, from the shelf
In your head, you had a dream of me
But I was nervous competing, with someone I couldn’t see
“Don’t worry, we need no scripts”, you said now, didn’t you?
Ah, but it’s all over now between me and you

This pain is real and I ain’t made it up
I didn’t drink for a long time, but you held the cup
I never felt, anything quite like this before
When we met I was nervous, about what I wasn’t really sure
When you held back, I tried, to push on through
Ah, but it’s all over now between me and you

I wear my heart on my sleeve now, or so I’m told
I want it all, or nothing at all, it’s time to be bold
You seemed to get me, you said that we were twins
We gave and wanted love and to be the best at everything
We talked of plans and starting our lives anew
Ah, but it’s all over now between me and you

I forgot the lessons, that you tried to teach me
You want loyalty, and you want love unconditionally
I know now that you’ve set the bar way too high
And you ran when you saw that I would not comply
I would’ve liked one more chance, to make, our dream true
Ah, but it’s all over now between me and you

I remember all the messages that you sent to me
All those pictures and words are seared in my memory
But now we’ve fallen, into a dark silent abyss
Was our deep connection so easy to dismiss?
But are all such questions, now,  just wasted on you?
Ah, cos it’s all over now between me and you

You searched the world for me
And then you found me
And then you liked me
And then you showed me your heart
And then you called out to me
And then you invaded me
And butterflies arose in me
And our love affair did start

So…Breathe, Breathe and let it go
I’m down now on all fours
My head is on the floor

You rose up to meet me
You suddenly reached out for me
You  connected with me
Somewhere deep in the heart of me
That night you were so serene
That night you were a queen
That night you somehow fitted me
That night your words they captured me

So…Breathe, Breathe and let it go
I’m down now on all fours
My head is on the floor

I was falling into the sea
But then you caught me
You began to heal me
You began to love me
And then we were smiling
And then we were loving
And then we were living
But then we were dreaming

So…Breathe, Breathe and let it go
I’m down now on all fours
My head is on the floor

We were weighing, the goods
When she fell there in, the woods
I think she misunderstood me, that last time we spoke
She took fright and, she ran
She’d no idea, or plan
But she felt more safe there, alone in her cloak

Did she see something, in me?
That she didn’t want, to see?
Or did she think all my feelings for her, were just smoke?
I wasn’t ready for, the ride
It knocked all my confidence, inside
When I felt her moving from me, the lady in the cloak

The emotions, we keep
They may be shallow, or deep
That’s why I needed to look at her, when she spoke
I knew her so well, I believed
But I think that I was, deceived
I’ve still much to learn about, the lady in the cloak

These days, I’m so open
Many soft words, I’ve spoken
They say I’m such an emotionally, intelligent bloke
But it’s such a balancing, act
Between honesty, and tact
And I forgot about it all, with the lady in the cloak

It’s a human, instinct
To self protect, I think
We use barriers to protect us, from other folk
And I kept, mine down
To save her from, falling down
But she couldn’t hold on, the lady in the cloak

I said I was never, addicted
But I couldn’t have, predicted
How those words would come, back to choke
Because now that, she’s gone
My world it feels, all wrong
Cos, I’m missing her, the lady in the cloak

I wait there, in the woods
I met her ghost, weighing the goods
I asked her to fix, what I hoped wasn’t too broke
Even though we’d lost, each other
I still hoped we’d find, each other
Cos, I still wanted her, the lady in the cloak

She’s a grand woman
I remember her smile
I remember her fun
All the chats o’er the miles
We connected so deep
Even though for a short while
Then she was wonderful
Then she made me smile

There’s no time for regrets
Even though my heart is sore
I’ve grieved some
I’m sure I’ll grieve some more
Sure there’s a hole in my life
Where once she was there
She grew word by word
Until I really cared

We tried, it was fun
It was a hell of a ride
We travelled way too briefly
Together, side by side
I thought there’s more in it
I thought there’s more to come
But we couldn’t hold on
And now it’s all done

I won’t forget her
But she won’t hold me back
I’ll keep the rope tight
Now’s no time for slack
I’ve still got more energy
I’m not lost or stuck
I’ve loads more to give
With effort and luck

The sun always rises
After the dark of night
Nothing good comes
Without some kind of fight
I’m ready for tomorrow
But I’ll enjoy today’s sun
I’ll grieve as I need
But then I’ll move on

We hide behind barriers
To protect ourselves from harm.
Sometimes I wonder if we act
Too quickly to the first alarm
Grace under pressure
I find it so hard to do
Did I act too rashly
I really tried to enjoy you

Another broke down today
Why now, not years ago?
She hid behind a wall of anger
What was behind I did not know
Did that wall serve her well
Or isolate her from the world and me
Only she will know if it served her
Well or ineffectively

I find that barriers often cause,
More barriers to be raised
Or we lower and raise them,
Out of sync instead of phased
We advance and then retreat,
Hurt with every misread signal-bruise
Alone, of course we’re free
But alone we often lose

In the end we’re together
Because we can’t bear to be apart
If we can’t break down barriers
Then we can’t connect our hearts
Maybe we’re not attracted enough
Maybe the chemistry isn’t there
In the end to make it work
We need to really care

You caught me as I was falling
Out of the mist there rose the sun
As I climbed back on high
I felt the healing had begun

I began to mend the cracks
Yesterday darkness might’ve won
But today I was strong enough
Now the healing had begun

You have so much love to give
You had little time to give me some
I wish I could’ve given you more
Now the healing has begun

In the past you were chosen
This time I was the one
You filled me up with love
Until the healing had begun

Your smile I will remember
Your love and your fun
I’ll always remember the dream
And how the healing had begun

I write much that is serious
About the hurt in my heart
But I enjoy all my life
And all of those who take part
To those that I have loved
And those who have broken my heart
I regret not a minute
I don’t need a new start
I enjoy every minute
Cos they don’t come twice
To grow, have fun and enjoy
Some pain is a small price
Life is good
I’ll enjoy it beat by beat
I’ll never ever lose
But I’ll have many defeats

My stomach churns again, As I stare at my empty phone
It mutely fills me up, With the emptiness of being alone
My tears fall now, And it seems that it’s getting worse
I’m really feeling it now, but this ain’t my first

I’m sick with wanting you, and all that we vowed
I’m sick with the loss of you, but I’m still unbowed.
I love my memories of you, but all that’s now past
Time moves so quickly, it’s a shame that nothing lasts

I don’t know what you’re feeling, is it anything like this too?
Cos surely I meant something, as deep as this to you?
Don’t you want to meet, and we’ll draw a new line?
Can we not kiss and make up,  together one more time?

I ain’t afraid to say it
I’m broken hearted again
And if you read this
Know that it ain’t your sin
I guess we tried
But trying don’t always win
I’ve learnt another lesson
Broken hearted again

I really thought we’d found
That which we all seek
A love that’s so strong
A love so pure and deep
But we fell off the horse
Just after we were to begin
Now we’re hurt and sore
Broken hearted again

We wrote and we spoke
Many times a day
But now there’s too much silence
So many things in the way
So many barriers raised
Is this what reality brings?
It’s an old familiar feeling
Broken hearted again

Will you curl into a ball?
Into a foetal position?
Protect yourself from harm?
With controlled decisions?
You said we are twins
We feel everything the same
Do we still have a chance?
Broken hearted again

I regret some things
But only how we played
We moved so fast and free
Should’ve used some scripts instead
Oh.. I loved the feeling
And the deep connection we gained
We’re brave but we lost our grip
Broken hearted again

I’m not that pragmatic
I often swim against the flow
Others just float on by
“It’ll all be fine”, they know

I worry about lies
I worry about universal things
They only worry about themselves
What each decision will bring

I’m not right, they’re not wrong
But these are barriers in between
I wish I could just remove them
But I want my beauty it seems

I walk over my beloved bridge
I breathe the air of the river
The sun will warm me tomorrow
Even as today I walk and shiver