Thus I Wrote

I’ve met them, those fabulous women, working on their quest

All beautiful, all wonderful and dressed to look their best

We’re all such good people and gentle in this context

But we move on disappointed, resignedly to the next

They look at me carefully and I watch them sift and weigh
They measure everything, every movement and word I say
Their body language speaks and quietly it tells me all
They lean back but often times, it’s I not they who falls

I see the masks and barriers, that they hold up before
As I pull them down, somewhat roughly, and I ask to, please, see more
Why am I so impatient, so quick to find their core?
Most are happy on the ocean, I’m so hungry for the shore

They need to feel safe, and trust takes time, that’s clear
Brick by brick we build trust, to replace barriers and fear
Trust is calm predictability and it’s not chaotic change
There’s a responsibility to open, to teach and to arrange

I find that barriers often cause, more barriers to be raised
Or we lower and raise them, out of sync instead of phased
We advance and then retreat, hurt with every misread signal-bruise
This relationship between us, is always both of ours to lose

Authenticity is what we seek, and that better version of ourselves
We can bravely play in the jungle, or observe from barren shelves
Of course, sometimes we’ll get hurt, and sometimes we will fall
But better to have tried and failed, than never to have ventured at all

I’ve always had vinyl thoughts
In a world digital and online
And as all the world connected
I’ve often felt different and offline

My heart won’t move too fast
It moves to a beat that’s slow
It’s wary of too much emotion
It won’t trust what it doesn’t know

I looked across the table
I saw her laughing at my jokes
I sometimes wonder what happened
How did it all go up in smoke?

Maybe it was the wine that night
It was red and it was rough
But we just drank it all down
We never knew enough was enough

Oh..she was so beautiful
Something about her just won’t let go
But she had too many masks
Now I guess I’ll never know

I’ve tried to feel the rhythm
To understand how it all moved
But I’m still blind to the rhythm
As my every mistake proved

I held your hand, as you grabbed mine
Our fearful hearts, ready to intertwine
And we rode a horse, fast and wild
We held on as the sun, rose and smiled

Sometimes the film, ain’t as good as the book
And long distance, just can’t beat a good look
Or the touch of your hand, as the trees fly by
Or the kiss on your neck, as you heave a sigh

Trust is still, a multilayered thing
As brick on brick, we patiently bring
We open to each other, tongues brush lips
We move in motion, the horse, our hips

There then came a time, of rain and storm
You face so worried, and your body so worn
We finally fell, with both or none to blame
Different lives now, our quest remains

There’s a fissure and a split,
In the armour that I’ve built,
That makes me so restless now.
In the recesses of my mind,
Where fear scurries blind,
And darkness rises somehow.

There’s a tightness in my gut,
Of time racing and things ending, but,
I’ve a longing for forbidden things.
I hear the inexorable journey’s hiss,
To the darkness of the abyss,
And the sound while the banshee sings.

To that which I had completed,
To that which I had defeated,
And that which I must rise above now.
The cacophony of rejection,
As loneliness and non-acceptance,
Irrelevance and uselessness row.

I wrestle in my dreams now,
A dark demon that stalks and howls,
Suddenly stripped of my armour’s power.
I’m suddenly falling from on high,
Fearing multiple goodbyes,
Before hellos have finished their hour.

And yet I’m brave so I must rise,
To look my fears in the eyes,
And because I’m blessed to be alive.
I will stand and fight,
For love and the right,
To hold someone’s hand and smile.

Babe,
There’s something tragic about you
Something so magic about you
There’s something lonesome about you
Something so wholesome about you

Babe,
There’s something wretched about this
Something so precious about this
There’s something broken about this
But I’m still hoping about this…

Edited excerpt from Eden by Hozier. Could not write better.
Image of the great Frida Kahlo – a beautiful and talented woman who added much to the world.

Oh…Oh…

I’m drinking, in Gordon’s bar
These last few years, I’ve travelled far
But I’d only, seen her once before

Now the light, is dimming
And I see the ghosts, of many women
They ask for all, that I can give and more

Oh Oh….

We are, the authors
From gifts, of our fathers
Of our, own life design

We choose, with each other
From the paths, we discover
But with, no given guidelines

Oh Oh….

All things, they fade
And alternatives, they exclude
We’ve been weighed, we’ve been measured but not often understood

And things, they fade
Alternatives, they exclude
Sometimes we’re rejected but that don’t mean that we’re no good

 

Anselm Kiefer – The Orders of the Night – 1996.
Emulsion, acrylic and shellac on canvas. 356 x 463 cm. Seattle Art Museum.

We argued last night
We tore more things apart
We found more anger
We found fear and pain in our hearts
And our shared reality
Is now a fractured one
We cannot communicate
Now understanding’s all gone

The leaves blow in the wind
I can see them fly
And Winter is coming
I can see it in the sky
We hide in entertainment
In provocation and distraction
To avoid what’s coming
We huddle in factions

Something’s fractured,
Spinning out of control
In the future we planned
In the narratives we told.
In the winds of change
I’m still holding on
And I still have dreams

There’s a darkness
Hidden deep in us all
Maybe we won’t recognise
Those who make the call
Those who summon it to rise
Like a hungry dog to feed
Those who hide in the shadows
So they won’t bleed

Something’s fractured,
Spinning out of control
In the future we planned
In the narratives we told.
In the winds of change
I’m still holding on
And I still have dreams

Fake enemies are blamed
In a circus of simple lies
To hide a complex world
That doesn’t fit our size
Fake Gods are raised
And fake futures are portrayed
Sold by fake prophets
Demanding “blind faith”.

On the ocean I’m free
But I’m also alone
And so I trade some freedom
To build flesh on bare bone
And in agreeing to build
And in agreeing to share
We must walk a fine line
Not to lose ourselves out there

We call out, we call out
But the answer comes back empty
And so I turn to you
And you turn to me
I know you have your truth,
And I have mine
But it’s a shared truth
That’s what we must find

Released June 28, 2017