Thus I Wrote

I’m not afraid of death
I’ve heard the siren song
Of distraction and deception
And indiffererence for so long

I’m not afraid of death
I’ve spat in its eye
I counted out the bullets
But I did not cry

I’m not afraid of death
I’ve spat in its eye
I pulled the trigger
But I did not die

I’m not afraid of death
I will not know
The earth will stay
But I will go

I’m not afraid of death
I know not the hour
I tense and I flinch
Under its dark power

I’m not afraid of death
The spectre of decay
Losing independence
And the strength to share

I’m not afraid of death
The pull of that dark abyss
Will it be slow?
Or sudden and swift?

I’m not afraid of death
My turn in the sun
The end is not my will
But an unknown will be done

I’m not afraid of death
I’ve spat in its eye
I counted out the bullets
But I did not cry

I’m not afraid of death
I’ve spat in its eye
I pulled the trigger
But I did not die

Did you break it?
And did you betray?
Or actually did I, then?
I was just in your way?

When we signed
What did we actually agree?
How would I love you?
And how would you love me?

If I don’t make you happy
Are you free to go?
Free to find your happiness
And step on me as you go?

We had a written contract
And a commitment called marriage
But when love went out the window
The wheels came off that carriage

Was the real contract written
In blood, in our hearts?
And when the blood, it cooled
You decided we should part

I was hurt and I was angry
And fearful of course
But of our faults together
I believe we share the source

I want now to heal
So I will let go
Of all anger and blame
And this takes time I know…

She has no filter
She thinks something,
And then she just says it.
I consider the options
The plus and minus then,
The moment is lost with it.

There’s a time to filter
And then there is,
A time to let the world know.
Trust is built on
Knowing how to predict,
Where the other will go.

If I calculate
Or I prevaricate,
I create distance and fear.
Sometimes it’s better
To say what you feel,
To allow your loved ones near.

I must clear my mind
Of the clutter and distance,
And the blockage in our way.
I’ve a deep well of love
But they must know it,
In small ways every day.

I am in heaven
And the place is very strange
And compared to life on earth
There is a lot of change

There is no competition
There is no fight to survive
There is no need to procreate
To keep the species alive

There is no give and take
And no tasks to fullfil
And no bonding together
Through experience and skill

There are no seasons
And there is no change
No birth, marriage or death
No ceremonies to arrange

There is no need to eat
Or to drink some fine wine
There is no love or hate
And all our thoughts align

There are no worries
Although God needs to be adored
All that I remember as a human
Is gone and, frankly, I’m bored.

I’ve hung no albatross
Round their necks,
For my bar is not set high.
But there’s a fear
That drives me,
To do more before I die.

Why do I wish for?
To have given more?
And is it just a selfish desire?
Am I searching for meaning
In my scuttling life
With some fuel for a dying fire?

I’ve walked by gravestones
And park benches,
And their names they called to me.
I’m saddened by whispers
Of their futile wishes,
For immortality.

Shall I lay myself humbly?
On my cross?
And serve all the needs in my way?
Such deeds may not be
Remembered in stone
But will help somebody here today

I am Lazarus!
Drowzy and dazed
I am buried
Will I be raised?

I am Lazarus!
In my tomb so tight
In the darkness
Who will be my light?

I am Lazarus!
Lonely and forgotten
I smell of death
Redundant and rotten

I am Lazarus!
Weighed down by pride
Too full of fear
To let anyone inside

I am Lazarus!
Is your love enough?
To be my saviour
And raise me up?

I am Lazarus!
Praying for redemption
Praying for a purpose
To lever my ascension

I am Lazarus!
Someone opens my tomb
“Now raise yourself,
From your second womb”

Let us go then you and I
With the sun low in the sky
Let us hold hands and walk
And fall into a gentle talk
Let us cross the river
Let us kiss and each deliver
Our happy moments together

Let us forget the unspoken
Words and promises broken
Let us forget our yesterday
Full of debts we should pay
I know we have a tension
Of things not to mention
In our happy moments together

I have a burning desire
To take it to the wire
To shout and converse
To disturb the universe
To answer the overwhelming question
And so release my tension
Before our happy moments together

When we dance I forget
All the things that I regret
I feel myself changing
Something inside rearranging
And my old life dying
I am free and flying
In our happy moments together

Can I conquer myself so
I may be free to go
And love you dearly
And see you clearly
To live each moments past
As if they were our last
Happy moments together

I live on Dean Street
And I pay rent every week
I work in a local bar
Too noisy even to speak

I have a child of two
From a man long gone
Then love made me forget
That I was just a pawn

I walk in the park
With my child of two
The birds fly by
And the sun shines through

Couples walk on
With their children in tow
And the fun that they have
Is something that I don’t know

I dance alone now..
The curtains are shut
The lights are low
I am Beautiful
Look at Me now..
I am Extraordinary
I am Shining
I am Powerful
I am Flying
Look at Me now..
I am Transforming
I am Flying
Look at Me now..

She looked like she was lost
As she waved them down in Kings Cross
She told them the cost
And haggled for five minutes at most
It’s about take and it’s about give
In the shimmering space in which we live

She said “Yes” with tears in her eyes
He thought he had won such a prize
She thought “He’s handsome” and “He’s wise”
He forgot all between her thighs
It’s about take and it’s about give
In the shimmering space in which we live

“Mr President, We must provide aid,
Otherwise our economy will fade,
And damage all the plans we’ve laid
Because of all the goods we trade”
It’s about take and it’s about give
In the shimmering space in which we live

He committed no crimes at all
He lived in a house with four walls
“Do unto others…”, he obeyed the call
He feared that otherwise society would fall
It’s about take and it’s about give
In the shimmering space in which we live

I spent most of my life in denial
I just lived in the moment while
Every minute of every day
I just lived and squeezed and made it pay
Because just like a red rose
I was built for a purpose

But often I rage and fight
Against the dying of the light
When I raise my eyes
When I look and realise
That beyond our sight
Is the darkness of the night

I have looked again and again
For someone with power to bargain
Someone to answer why
We live and why we die
But no-one heard my tune
I was howling at the moon

Sometimes I’m depressed and sad
When I think my future’s bad
When I feel that I’m alone
With nothing to offer anyone
But I won’t drink to forget
Or brush it under the carpet

Because it is a natural process
From which we can’t digress
And the final part is to accept
That nobody can escape death
So burn each day more bright
Until the dying of the light